Am I wrong/missing something?!

[anonymum95]

So a woman posted on another site about how she was angry at her FIL for using a joke which she felt was severely racist towards her and her son and indicating that she wished to end all contact with him over it. The lady is Hispanic and the father of her child is a Caucasian red headed man. FIL jokes that the baby must be milkman's due to the fact it only looks like the mother.. was I wrong to say she's overreacting or would anyone else find this to be racist in any way?

Why are you even giving this headspace?

@Mucklowe just because I've now been called a racist myself which I'm absolutely not. Nobody else seems to agree that it's just a joke so I'm genuinely wondering if I'm missing something in it all..

Hmmm.

If an averagely-pink brown-haired English person had a baby with a redhead, and the redhead's father joked that it must be the milkman's because it's got brown hair and looks as if it might tan...

well, obviously that would be hugely offensive to the baby's mother.

So my first inclination is to say no, I'm not sure it's racist because it would be offensive anyway -

but then I realised that father-in-law would not have made this joke under that circumstance. So the concept of the joke itself is not necessarily racist, but the fact that it's been made is.

It's unkind and insulting, but not racist. I've heard random people 'joke' about how a child must be the milkman's if they resemble the mum rather than the dad.

Funnily enough, it usually seems to happen if someone has a red-headed baby when there aren't any others in the family already. So I reckon he's got an old chip on his shoulder about that. Perhaps the FIL was tormented himself about having a red-headed kid and that it wasn't his but the milkman's.

Forget all about it.

Bit of a weird joke tbh!

I don't understand the racism in this then again i don't understand half of the political correctness out there so what would I know?

Sorry i am not being ignorant.. I am from a different place and understand different set of these "comments" i have to google sometimes to understand why certain things are not to be said.

I try not to come off as such but this is really weird joke coming from FIL 🤔 i'd take it from a sibling or friend but not FIL

It's a joke. A dated and crap joke but just a joke. Nothing racist about it.

See I just view it as an old joke that's been around forever and has no racial connotations to it whatsoever

Ending contact with grandpa is too much of an overreation lol

So what if shes offended? The child has a right to see him, its not right to deny that under normal circumstances

@peanutandpumpkin exactly! I've been called an ignorant racist and that due to my white privilege I'll never understand..
But this woman is willing to take her grandchild away from its grandfather because of a joke

This joke has been around for a long time. My family are all white. My Aunt and her DH are very different in looks, though, and my eldest cousin looks exactly like my Aunt and nothing like her dad. So this joke has been made in our family about my cousin. No racist intent for us.

So I'd guess that the FIL needs to talk with his DIL in that issue. It's going to depend on the context.

It was a joke in our family too (1950s). I suppose it depends who is saying it. When it's people you know and like you know it's just a joke.

DH and I are both very dark-haired but our baby is blonde.

If someone made that joke to either of us I'd probably politely smile but not be offended. As someone else said, it's definitely a joke, just not a very good one.

It may be similar to posts on here where there is a long history and it's not the first comment FIL has made.

I'd take my kids away from a grandpa like that w no regrets.

So was it the milkmans?

@GoVasgetGo must be given how angry she's getting

I'm one of 7 kids, 6 ginger haired and one brown haired. It was always joked that he was the milkman's.

I have 2 ginger boys. Neither DH are ginger but both our sisters are. We used to get lots of milkman "jokes". I don't think it was racist but it is offensive, unfunny and unoriginal.

It's a shit dad joke that is at least 100 years old, heard it a million times. It is not racist.

Bet she hasn’t even got a milkman.

Reverse?

Its just a bit of an outdated joke. My kids have blonde hair blue eyes except my middle guy. He has beautiful brown curls & slightly olive skin tone (i think it comes from my Mil family) I get the milkman comment mostly from older male relatives. I just reply ' oh aye he left more than a gold top that day'.

It’s just an old joke, no offence is intended, he clearly doesn’t mean he really thinks she’s been shagging rhe milkman.

She needs to calm down.

I think it probably depends a lot on what the FIL is usually like.

A one-off joke by a normally kind and decent man - fine.

A joke in a long-line of "jokes" with subtle racist undertones by a man who continually makes comments may be the final straw.