Nervous to meet sons girlfriend AIBU?

[Monsoondreams]

Hello everybody. My son broached the subject of meeting his girlfriend(after lockdown) to me this morning and I happily agreed. Deep down I am extremely nervous as I never thought it would get to this stage. My son has been seeing this woman for over a year and was open with us about the relationship from the start. There is an age gap of 10years. My son is 20 and his girlfriend is 30 with two DC from her previous marriage 11 and 9. I assumed the relationship wouldn’t last very long when they got together but they seem to be extremely happy together he has now met her DC after waiting a year. AIBU to be anxious about meeting her?

If your son is happy then I think you need to make an effort to make them feel at ease. They’re probably nervous too.

I totally know where you're coming from as there is less of an age gap between her child and him than there is between them both! But so long as they are happy, I'd be as supportive as possible :)

Don't be nervous, be pleased he wants you to be part of his life with his partner. It is weird meeting your kids boyfriend/girlfriend but I just keep the conversation light and a welcoming. I got my own back on my kids when the tables were turned (that also went fine)

I bet you she's far more nervous than you are!

He is very young to be involved with someone with children, though. I don't blame you for being concerned. He's closer in age to her DC than he is to her!

I’d keep an open mind, putting any preconceptions aside until I can form an opinion about the person, not her age alone.

I wouldn’t be nervous, no. She should be though.

YANBU to feel nervous, that's entirely normal - and useful. Because you feel nervous, you are less likely to jump in with both feet and then regret it later.

Just go with an open mind. Meeting a child's partner is always nervewracking IME, with or without an age difference. You may find her easy to get on with/an exciting or interesting new member of the family. Or you may find that you don't get on. Not everyone has to.

But you can be polite/interested in the person your son loves and her children. Ask her questions but don't grill her; work out before hand how long you plan to stay, so that you all know what to expect, and then if you need to leave earlier/want to stay longer check that she is OK with that (and perhaps take some token gifts for the children - crayoning books or something small?)

Best of luck

Oops. Just saw the age of the children. Perhaps not crayons!

God, I hope she didn't post on here yesterday......30 year old going out with 20 year old and how she was nervous about meeting his mum (she has 2 kids same age)!

I would be worried if this was my son with a 30 year old woman with 2 kids that he isn’t much older than, BUT they have been together a year and obviously are in a serious relationship as he has now met the kids. I would be as supportive as possible can totally understand your nervous and I would guarantee she is nervous as well. Good luck I’m sure all will be fine

No one would blink an eye if this was a younger woman and older man.

OP don’t be anxious. Your son is a grown man he hasn’t been kidnapped by an older woman or even some one you are in competition with.

Just treat her with the same respect you would do to anyone you have just been introduced to.

It'll be fine. She's got kids from a previous marriage so she's clearly responsible. My husband and I had an age gap like that when we got together (I was 23 and he was 32). We didn't get married for 4 years and 10 years later we finally had our own baby. My family finally came around after I turned 30. It caused a lot of unnecessary tension that his mum quietly thought I was too young for him.

I'd bloody hate this. It's good you meet her if it makes your son happy but this would really sit uncomfortably with me.

It unreasonable to feel nervous. Just make her welcome and be friendly.

TBH this would worry me really .At 20 he is very young ,and to have a GF 10 years older and with 2 DC is an awful lot to take on for him .Be friendly and polite and see where the relationship goes .

I suppose lots of Mothers would feel the same as you do, but as others have said, an open mind is the best thing to have.All you can do,is to be friendly with her, whilst maybe weighing up in your mind,how they both get on together .

@fuuuuuuck do you have a link to that thread?

My friend's son did similar when he was 25 and she was 40. They were together about 5 years, then the age gap started to cause more problems as they wanted different things and they split up.

I think it lasted longer than it would have done if his mother hadn't objected. He was more determined to stay with her because he was opposed. His dad, my friend, wasn't keen on the idea but accepted that his son was old enough to decide for himself.

Thank you everyone. I will be sure to go into it with an open mind and be welcoming and friendly. I’m sure she will be very nervous to meet us too! I have to admit I do wonder how the relationship will progress with the age gap between them both and the children being involved but I do want my son to be happy. @Khione Thats interesting! I haven’t said anything negative about the relationship to my son, just spoken about my reservations with my husband.