Ready to let a friendship go but sad about the repercussions

[Originalsaltedpeanuts]

I am in a friendship group of three and two of us within the group just don't seem to like each other very much any more!

I am so put off by this person's recent behaviour that I am ready to walk away from her (and I wouldn't be at all surprised if she doesn't feel the same way - we appear to really rub each other up the wrong way, I genuinely don't know what I've done to annoy her so much by the way. Maybe she just doesn't like me).

But, I have no problem with the third person. Infact, I really still like her. But we have traditionally done lots together as a threesome and I won't really be able to maintain an independent relationship with her, I don't think.

Aibu to talk to the third person about this. Explain the difficulties I am having with person two and say I'm sorry that it means we'll be seeing less of each other and I have no problem with her personally? The alternative is just ghosting.

Or would that be seen as bitching about person 2 behind their back?

Eeek I didn't mean to enable voting.

Hopeful bump?

Perhaps this isn't controversial enough for AIBU and I should have put in relationships.

I dont think its bitching if you put it in the context that you and the other person are different personalities and run each other the wrong way, and you would like to separate yourself from the group instead of DF2 feeling like she has to choose sides, you hope it hasn't made her feel awkward, but maybe to meet up for a coffee/lunch/ whatever you do once all this madness Is over.

I would just do as you said, explain to the third person. It can't be hugely enjoyable for anyone if two of you dislike each other and are uncomfortable and the third is aware of it and constantly trying to keep the peace

Yes do what you've said. Say you need some space from the other person so please.could you meet alone from.now on.

Agree with the pps. Chances are friend 3 already feels awkward, and as long as you don't actually say anything unkind then you have done nothing wrong.

Nothing wrong with meeting friend 3 alone. It's unlikely she's not noticed the tension between the two of you and is possibly quite miserable about it. Meeting up as separate pairs makes more sense, just don't say anything negative about the other person when you do! Don't make friend 3 the meat in the sandwich. I've been there and ultimately broke off all contact with both people as I was exhausted emotionally by the pair of them bickering and nitpicking, even when not together.

You say anymore as if you previously did like each other so maybe you could start by talking to the person to see what the issue is and make sure it can’t be resolved before walking away?

@Originalsaltedpeanuts
Have you spoken to person 2 about it? I'd be more inclined to do that before speaking to person 3 to be honest. They quite probably don't want to be brought into it as they may feel you're putting them in an awkward position? I would hate to feel like I had to 'choose' or be stuck on the middle of two friends' issues and would hope that they could at least try to sort it out between them first. If that's not possible, then your friendship with person 3 will continue I'm sure, bit will be independent of person 2.

I do think it would seem like bitching behind 2's back if you haven't addressed your issues with her first.

You can't have seen either of them for weeks (unless you work together obvs) so perhaps after lockdown things will be better? Everyone seems to be going through their own tough time at the moment.

Yes I would start with person 2 and see if it can be salvaged. If you start doing things with person 3 there will be no going back. But you might end up with a lovely friendship with person 3.

@Marlena1 But you might end up with a lovely friendship with person 3.

Maybe, but I have to be honest, I wouldn't like it if a friend came to me talking negatively about another friend. I would think it was bitchy and it would probably change my opinion of that person a bit IFKWIM? I agree that once the OP involves person 3 there's no going back.

Not everybody gets on. I find 3 tricky 2 seems fine. As you say maybe just meet the other friend. No point there being tension.

It's definitely do-able. I was part of a friendship group with 3 others - let's call them A, B and C. C decided to sever their friendship with both myself and A. She's still friends with B (for now!) and they meet up one to one. Meanwhile, A, B and I also continue to meet up without C.

@Megatron Sorry I totally didn't mean to go bitching to Person 3. I just meant if you can't resolve it with Person 2, you could just get in contact and tell Person 3 that unfortunately you were no longer friends with Person 2 and maybe you could stay friends, just not as a trio.

The third person might be delighted to hang out with you both separately- it can’t be nice being piggy in the middle of two people that don’t get on. I bet she’s well aware.

I don't see a problem with explaining the situation to Person 3. If you suspect the friendship can't be maintained, there's really not much at risk here. You'll just be letting her know it's "not her". She likely has already picked up on the bad vibes, so I doubt it will come as a total shock. (Though if she hasn't, she may try to persuade you that you're imagining things and that's just how Person 2 is, etc.)

Person 3 would probably be uncomfortable if you were bad-mouthing Person 2 for no reason and carrying on with the "friendship" as though nothing had changed-- which doesn't seem to be your intention at all.

The worst that can happen is that Person 3 takes it the wrong way and/or tells Person 2. Since you're done with Person 2 anyway and probably weren't going to be seeing Person 3 as much as a result, I wouldn't hesitate to talk to Person 3, if you want to.

Whatever happens, you'll know that you were just trying to be fair and honest with your friend.