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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go and have a social distancing chat with my Grandma.

18 replies

CD41 · 06/05/2020 11:26

My grandma has recently lost her husband my grandad (not due to covid). He died not long before lockdown but thankfully was able to have a normal funeral at the time. They were married for 60 years. She’s had to grieve mainly alone. I haven’t seen her for 6 weeks. I miss her dearly. She always seems so sad when I ring her and I’m tears.

Now don’t slam me. I am aware that I cannot visit her, I wouldn’t want to put her at risk. I’ve only been out 3 times since lockdown but my partner is working and could bring it home. I don’t intend to go into her house.

Thankfully she has her children very close. Although they aren’t going in her house. My Mum does her shopping, chat through the window, my uncles been doing gardening whilst she watches from the window so she isn’t completely alone.

She lives 10 miles away. I just want to see her.

Tomorrow I have to do a food shop. Rather than going to the shop I normally go to 7 miles from me I may go to the shop near my grandmothers and go sit in her garden and chat through the window. Or we could sit at distance in the garden? She has a large garden.

Would this be totally wrong? If it is I won’t go.

Things have been hard. Grieving for my grandad, having my two children home has been testing - they both have additional needs, my partner still working. I’m not overly close to my mum. I feel like I need to talk to my grandma. She is the best person to speak to. I would leave my children at home with oh before he goes to work, do some shopping and visit her.

Also pretty sure we all had it mildly beginning of April. DS had a fever and very lethargic. Me and oh had coughs and feeing meh (we never cough usually) but we are fine now.

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 06/05/2020 11:26

Yanbu. Go see grandma.

pumpkinpie01 · 06/05/2020 11:28

Go and see her at a distance , you will make her day

crankysaurus · 06/05/2020 11:32

I'd go. The overwhelming need at the moment is infection control however we do need to come out of this with some semblance of mental health intact.

CD41 · 06/05/2020 11:34

Thank you. She just seems so down which isn’t like her. She is saying She is spending most days cleaning all day to take her mind off things. My grandads death was pretty sudden too and I think she’s really struggling!

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 06/05/2020 11:35

Absolutely go.

I'm shielding and live alone. DD comes for the 2 hour window of sun on the end of the garden far enough away from me, then leaves because she either gets chilly or she needs the loo!

TheWalkingTalkingRed · 06/05/2020 11:37

YANBU go!
You are socially distancing, and doing an essential food shop. You will make her day I'm sure.

Userwhatevernumber · 06/05/2020 11:40

YANBU I would go.

As long as you are keeping social distancing and not going in to the house I see no issue with it and anyone who says you are BU is heartless.

Fueledwithfairydustandgin · 06/05/2020 11:43

Do it

Deathraystare · 06/05/2020 11:47

Yes absolutely go. She needs you. As long as you observe the social distancing - why not?

DrinkingInTheNightGarden · 06/05/2020 12:57

I've been doing this with my 89 year old Nan, although usually also dropping off food or mags and we talk from her front door. She's only 5 miles away and my mum is doing her main shopping (I get her things my mum can't get like magazines which aren't essential technically but they are important for her).

Just don't go in and keep your distance, make sure you have a wee before you leave, that has been the main reason I've had to leave many times as you can only wee at home haha

Subeccoo · 06/05/2020 13:35

I've done this with my dad. We lost my mum just before this all happened, 45 years married, all the family around to help him get through it then this Sad every time I feel like I can't cope, I get overwhelmed thinking of how lonely he is right now.
We speak on the phone etc but just popping to the garden once or twice a week has helped us so much.
Just do it, you're not going in or getting close, do what you need to do x

slartibarti · 06/05/2020 13:50

Yes you should go, you'll be supporting a vulnerable person.

Northernsoullover · 06/05/2020 13:57

I go to my parents garden when I drop shopping off. I would do it.

CD41 · 07/05/2020 09:25

Thanks all 🌸

OP posts:
Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 07/05/2020 09:47

We went to see my mum last week, we hadn't seen her since March, she stood at her back door and we stood at a distance and had a 15 minute chat, she's an NHS worker, not front line but stressed and has just been told she has cancer, thankfully very early and treatable but I just needed to see her but we stuck to social distancing rules

midnightstar66 · 07/05/2020 09:48

Take her some shopping and chat at a distance. Smile

SuzieBishop · 07/05/2020 12:23

Definitely go see her!! If you’re not hugging her it’s fine!

littlepeterwimsey · 07/05/2020 12:25

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