Stopping son going to ex's?

[pollysproggle]

I've been told I'm overreacting, what do you think?

I have a teenage DC with ex and a good shared parenting relationship. For the first 3 weeks of lockdown I decided to not let DC go to his dads at first until we knew more and things settled mainly because I'm in the late stages of pregnancy.
After the first 3 weeks I was happy for him to go for the weekend on the basis that their family (ex, his wife, their DC) were all healthy and following the same measures we were.

This worked fine at first until the latest planned visit when my DC informed me that their DC was at a sleepover/childcare arrangement at a different family of 4's house (in a different county and not shared parenting just childcare) and was due to return in the middle of my DC's visit.

Ex didn't mention this to me so only found out by chance because DC mentioned it.

So their DC would be around 4 other people I don't know then return, be around my DC then my DC would return back to me.

I wasn't happy with this and cut short DC visit to just one night and said the two children shouldn't mix and that also the following week-2 weeks he couldn't go back.

I think they were selfish for making this childcare arrangement for their child and putting everyone at risk and also breaking the rules to suit themselves. Also annoyed they had no intention of telling me.

They think I'm overreacting because the other family are healthy and it will upset their DC not being able to see my DC for such a long time. They want him to visit as normal.

AIBU to say tough shit? It's their fault for breaking the rules and making a selfish decision.

I don’t think you are clearly sleep overs are not in the government guild-lines by their child going they are putting your child at risk I would absolutely have said no

Your son is a teenager so what does he think?

He's 13 so the lower end of teens. Understands my decision and isn't desperate to go there or anything. He's usually had enough and wants to come home after a couple of nights anyway especially under lockdown rules because weekends at his dads would usually be more going/eating out.

YANBU, especially as you are pregnant. I don’t even think it matters what your son thinks, your health is more important and everyone should understand that

Ex and his family arrangements have already put you at risk by breaching lockdown rules! There's a reason all pregnant women are classed as vulnerable and recommended to isolate if they can. Pregnancy is time of lowered immune response, otherwise your body would reject the baby which is of course half foreign genetic material. There is a dampening of immunity which prevents such rejection. The downside is that you are more open to infections than normal, even if you are young, fit and healthy in every other way.

You must protect yourself and your baby, too, right through to the time of first immunisations, because a newborn has an immature immune system and is also vulnerable.

Your ex is a covidiot and you can't risk caring what he thinks and says. He's blown it because he hasn't been honest and upfront, hence he has forced risks on you without your knowledge. Badly done, ex. Very badly done.

I didn’t think going between parents homes extended to sleepovers with kids from their families and areas
On that basis YANBU
Your ex is not adhering to the social distancing or lockdown policies in place
If we all did this then the infection rates would be higher I suspect

I think you're being controlling but you'll get nothing but support from everyone on here. People think buying milk is too risky and God forbid you let your child look at a ladybird whilst out on a walk, you absolute rule-breaking MURDERER. (Not you, OP, obvs :D )

@opticaldelusion but her ex is breaking lockdown rules and potentially putting her and her son at risk by allowing it?

You must be one of the idiots who are going against the guidelines too if you agree

Thanks for replies!

I do feel a bit like I'm weaponising my child by saying they can't have him him over which is the last thing I'd ever do but trying to remind myself that it's with good reason (I think).

It's such an usual time and like I said we normally have a good relationship.
It's the trust issue mainly. I trusted that they're not mixing with others unnecessarily but it's now not the case.

Let your teenager choose one home or the other for the remainder of lockdown, and stick to it.

What country are you in?

UK- London