to twat teen DS with a spade and call it Home Schooling?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

on the basis that he will be educated by it?

Opened the freezer to take out tomorrows dinner (chicken breasts with.....I dunno, some tinned shite probably, in case anyone cares) and the dodgy shelf gave way again.

I got utterly twatted on the foot by a frozen chicken. It hurt a lot. I cried and shouted and did a LOT of swearing, I think I made up a few.

DS did that thing of coming in and saying "are you ok?" which winds me up something chronic. Obviously not. And I pointed this out, again in quite a sweary way. I did then say "I'm sorry, I'm in pain and pissed off, just leave me be please" and then picked up the offending chicken and launched it into the conservatory (genuinely amazed I didnt cause some really expensive damage, lucky I am a shit thrower) shouting "BUT YOU CAN FUCK OFF YOU FEATHERY CUNT"

It was at this point that I feel that DS's education to date has let him down. Because at no point did he think it might not be a good idea to say "It hasnt got any feathers, its been plucked".

AIBU?

This is truly a story for our times. Week six . Lockdown. Parents of teens nod so hard they get whiplash. Thanks for making me laugh and feel less alone.

@PyongyangKipperbang

You win the best thread of the lockdown. This is brilliant!!!

As for your home schooling methods, they sound spot on!!

Your teen ds is probably missing the use of bad language. I work with the buggers and often need them to repeat, verbatim, conversations/arguments with others. They are appalled when they are required to repeat the ACTUAL words used to an adult, despite them swearing every other word when with their friends.

You've done him a favour OP.

But did you then eat the un feathery cunt?

Hope your foot feels better soon, and you ADNBU

Chickens are fuckers. Feathery or not.

Who the hell are voting Yabu???
At the very least complain to the school on thier woeful lack of providing potentially life saving education.

YABU. My kids were cooking roast dinners when they were still in the womb so would clearly know the chicken had been plucked. And the chicken would last a fortnight. You have failed as a parent. Shame on you OP.

polishes mumsnet badge sanctimoniously

My teen may also be hit with a spade today.

I woke up at 3:30am to the smell of Eggs and Toast cooking, after he decided we were safely asleep, he head downstairs for some all night gaming, cooked another meal, all knowing full well he has homeschooling work he is behind on, has seen me meltdown a couple of times over the whole WFH and being a tutor shit. And to top it off I will be waking him at 10am to somehow get him to do the project that is due, that he doesn't know how to to, whilst I am trying to hit my own work deadlines.

I also need to confiscate his gaming and phone. So I am holding my breath for the door slams, and the calls of ''Mum you are so peak'' (whatever the fuck that means).

@IsAnybodyListening

"You are so peak"? Nope, no clue here.

Hang on......

Asked offending teen, and just managed to hear him through the bandages, he has no idea either! Urban Dictionary says it is popular in London circles and can mean either something amazing or something utterly shite, I think we can deduce from context that he doesnt mean you are amazing. I have a spade you can borrow, used once.

The chicken was forceably replaced in the fridge and when I do cook it I shall take great pleasure in doing so. I might even spatch cock the little bastard. HA!

Just had to check, my typo led me to think I had put it in the fridge but no, it was the freezer :o

🤣🤣🤣🤣 OP you are hilarious! This needs to go into classics

@PyongyangKipperbang

The chicken was forceably replaced in the fridge and when I do cook it I shall take great pleasure in doing so. I might even spatch cock the little bastard. HA!

Make sure you shove a load of stuff up it’s arse first 😂

Can you get sharp onions?

I think this may do the job @pyongyangkipperbang

www.worldrecordacademy.com/nature/heaviest_onion_Tony_Glover_breaks_Guinness_World_Records_record_214073.html

massive onion & a couple of cut lemons up its bottom for acidity might make the feathery foot breaker think again. Before of course , hanging drawing it and quartering it.Simply pour encourager les autres. Although the chicken breasts and thighs may think they have gone the hard yards already. I am sure your DS is lovely but perhaps a project on emotional intelligence - let's say no more than 100,000 words ( with footnotes and examples ) may be a nice project over the Bank holiday weekend - Hope your foot feels better OP & one more to thank you for the laugh.

That would make the beaky little bastards eyes water, and was grown about 6 miles from where I live, so nice and easy to pick up!

I like the project idea!