To hope it won't go ahead?

[Tillygetsit]

My cousin is supposed to be getting married early September. He has only invited my brother and wife to the evening do despite being a guest at their wedding.
This has hurt my brother a lot as he thought they were close.
My brother has a serious mental illness as does his wife ( not the same one) and is not allowed to drive so we would have to take them 270 miles with 3 children and they'd have to amuse themselves during the wedding.
I don't want to go anyway. I've recently lost a baby and have become quite agoraphobic. This will cause major friction in the family if I don't go.
Do you think the wedding will go ahead and AIBU to hope it doesn't? I realise it will be rescheduled but I may feel stronger by then.

I wouldn’t bother going if I was your brother. But at some point the wedding will go ahead.
Might not be September but later in the year.

Nobody can reasonably expect anyone to travel 270 miles to attend an evening do. Your brother's shouldn't even contemplate it, especially with 3 kids who would also have to travel.
It's also reasonable for you to decline under the circumstances - I presume your family know what happened and if they can't bring themselves to be understanding, they are not worth you worrying about.

Are you saying you have been invited to the whole wedding but your brother hasn't? How,weird. It probably won't go ahead in September but I assume it will some time.
I wouldn't go if I were your brother and I'm not sure I'd bother either. If anyone says anything you can say you are sticking by your brother. I'm sorry about your loss.

I would not go, you or your brother & family.
You are grieving.
He can’t be expected to go 270 miles for an evening reception with wife and 3 kids. Are the kids even invited?

Etiquette says you send a small gift because you’ve been invited to wedding. Your brother only has to send his regrets and maybe a congratulations card.

It sounds like they wanted a small wedding anyway and so I am sure a few cousins missing it will not cause resentment in the family.

Good grief, don't even consider going. Now is the time for a polite decline and lots of well wishes.

You need to look after yourself right now, and the stress of this crazy situation is not what you need. Decline ASAP, decide to let go and move on, and focus on you and your family.

I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't if I was your brother either. To hell with major family friction! It's a long way to travel, especially for the couple who have only been invited to the evening do, not to mention the children, and you need to concentrate on your own health.

Sorry, I wasn't clear. The children are mine. I suspect db hasnt been invited to the ceremony because he has unusual dress sense (!) and even more unusal views but he's lovely. You know what? Sod it, you're right.
I dont want to go, we cant afford it and it's rude to my brother. Thanks mn.

Do you have a 7 seater car for a start?

@Tillygetsit So so sorry for your loss

Tilly I was the same after I loss baby DD at full term. If fact the one time I pushed myself to going to an important event I ended up having a massive panic attack in the car and terrified my children half to death. I ended up doing more harm in the long run. If for that reason alone i’d Say don’t go. You need your space to get used to this grief.
I’m so sorry for your loss

Even if it were next door, I wouldn’t go out of respect for your brother. Inviting you, but not him is rude.

I am so sorry for your loss