Sexless marriage?

[DNo]

I'm an avid reader but reluctant poster but this seems the best way to get completely honest, anonymous responses.

Been together 20 years, married for a long time, 3 school aged children.

I don't think we fancy each other anymore.

I love him so much, he is without a doubt my best friend and we laugh A LOT!

The last time we had good, satisfying sex was 6 months ago, we have done it a couple of times since but never to completion (for both of us). It's been 3 months since either of us tried anything sexual but we are very tactile - we give massages, we cuddle in bed, we kiss in the kitchen...

Is this it? I can't imagine not feeling horny and hate that he doesn't feel it either. We have talked about it and both agreed to make more effort but it just isn't happening...

Any advice please?

Is it because of the school age children. Like you don’t want them to hear? Sometimes your subconscious can decide for you.

Louise, no, it really just doesn't occur to either of us to try it on any more. We both work full time and obviously it's more difficult at the moment to relax but it's been going on quite a while. The children are one senior school and 2 primary.

Is it the thought that your SHOULD feel horny but don't? I think you would be surprised at the amount of people who live quite happily in a sexless marriage but daren't admit it. Media leads us to believe that sex is the be all and end all of life, if you are both happy with the lack of a sex life who cares? If one is happy and one isn't that is a different thing entirely.

Panic I'm not happy and I can't imagine anyone being happy with this. Do people seriously get to early 40 (ish!) and stop wanting sex? If I have to live the next 40 years without sexual pleasure it sounds horrible. I want to have sex with my husband, I'm sure he wants to too but we are just too "comfortable" and I'd love to change that.

Could it be because of the lack of finishing, from his perspective?

Cheeeeese we are both blaming it on tiredness. But when we get a day off together (rarely) we both like to sleep. He is handsome and I fancy him, I just don't want sex and neither does he it seems...

Totally natural but sounds like it’s the cliche new lingerie, imagine you are both younger and footloose and fancy free and not tired time. And that he should wine and dine you a little first to get that special feeling back.

"I want to have sex with my husband, I'm sure he wants to too"

Very next post

"I just don't want sex and neither does he."

You are contradicting yourself OP. Your first task is to work out which of these two opposites you truly feel.

Dh is early 40s and I am 39 and we have regular sex, our friends say the same but obviously we aren't there so can't be sure.

I think the first step is actually talking to each other about it. If you are both tired and have a day free then I am not surprised you prioritise sleep. Could he be not trying as he gets the vibe you aren't interested?

Have been with husband for 27 years ...sex life has been rubbish but he is a caring uncomplicated partner who will drop anything for his family!! Am absolutely not bothered about sex life ..am more concerned about getting sleep 😂

Thanks everyone. @Maria1921 what I mean is I really wish I would want to have sex with him but neither of us are bothered. I don't want to have a sexless marriage for the rest of my life.

@Dno

You say you are not bothered about not having sex. Your partner is also not bothered. Your words!

Then you say you don't want a sexless marriage! Why not?

I think that you are genuinely not bothered, but society has brainwashed you to believe that you don't want to be in a sexless marriage.

Hence your contradictory posts.

Not blaming you; we all do it.