To want to change my lifestyle

[NinaManiana]

My husband and i both work full time, long hours in high pressured jobs. Kids 2 and 4. We have a full time nanny because we both work long hours and travel a lot. Have high outgoings as a family.

I’d like to change the way we live. Covid has made me see i don’t even like my job that much and i want to see my kids more. I’d like to work less (probably part time), in a less pressured job and watch my kids grow up.

Husband thinks this would be throwing away all we’ve worked for. He wants to continue striving, get a country house, maybe a bigger main house etc. He / we can’t have any of those things unless i continue my career too.

I feel that i’ll be selling out my life to bankroll his vision of a ‘perfect’ family life, and when i’m old and my kids are grown up and i’ve missed them growing up i will regret it so deeply.

He feels that i am trying to throw away all we’ve worked for by saying we move away, downsize the house, get a cheaper car and live differently, and that the result would inevitably be him bankrolling the family and that this would be really selfish of me. I have said he could go part time or do a career change in this scenario but he said he wouldn’t want to.

Am i being unreasonable?

Neither of you is unreasonable to want what you want. But you are a family and so you have to compromise. Both of you.

Now may not be the best time to make big lifechanging decisions, though, and it's certainly not the best time to actively take any of the steps you're thinking about. So you have time for both of you to think about it, talk about it, and come up with a better plan together.

similar situation here. I don’t want to do this forever. We have compromised by agreeing I won’t be chasing the next promotion and will go part time in a couple of years time so I can be there for the kids when they start school/play dates etc. I have compromised as we are staying where we are (ideally I would have wanted to move to the cheaper area I grew up in). Can you agree between you that maybe you stay living where you are, but no second house etc? Holiday home sounds nice but will just be an expensive hassle surely!!

Having things is nice and I suppose living in a country house would be nice but you can't take these things with you when you die. As someone who lost both parents before they reached 60 I'd say follow your heart and be true to yourself.

Your young DC don’t give a hoot about material possessions they just want their parents attention at that age

I know life isn’t that simple and money helps, but they’re only young once and it’s only for a short time. I think your DH is being materialistic

I have a teen and almost teen now OP and if I were to make my choices again I’d definitely spend far more time with them in their early years. Not sure that makes your DH unreasonable but I agree with your reasoning .

Could you try working a 4 day week in your current job for a year , and that might give a bit more balance to make a bigger decision then if you want more time at home.
There is definitely a need for balance, dont do anything drastic now but just start the ball rolling.