To not change the TV channel

[VLAL]

Yesterday evening I sat down in the living room to watch one of my guilty pleasure programmes - Real Housewives of New York. It was on for an hour and there was one episode. My live-in boyfriend was off having a shower and doing his own thing, so I was by myself.

After about 10 minutes, he came in and sat down. He HATES this programme because he finds it too loud (which I can understand but each to their own) but I carried on watching.

Later he told me he thinks I should have at least offered to turn it off but insists if I had offered that he wouldn't have taken me up on it. I disagreed. I pointed out I was in the room by myself when it came on and that he has a choice whether to be in the room or not and he can take himself elsewhere if it bothers him that much (we have a two bed flat so it's not like we're living in a studio and there's nowhere else to go).

I agree that if I'd come in and he was in the room already watching something and I turned it over that that would be rude. Or if we were purposefully sitting down to watch TV together and I chose to put on something he didn't like.

I should add that if he puts something on that I don't like or uses the living room to play FIFA or hang out on house party with his friends, I don't make a fuss. I just take myself off somewhere else and do my own thing. That just seems like the 'normal' thing to do to me.

I also want to add that he also hates the podcasts I listen to (usually true crime ones) when I'm by myself in the kitchen cooking. I've already compromised by putting my headphones in to listen to them.

Sorry this has turned out so long, but AIBU?

It's your house?

Get rid this will never change he’ll get worse, yes it’s a little thing now but it will get bigger and bigger.

It's a double standard that I would see as a red flag.

My husband hates RH - it’s my absolute guilty pleasure. We’re very easy going about who watches what, we tend to take turns every other day choosing what’s on because our tastes are quite different, and the other person can’t complain - we don’t really like the idea of sitting in separate rooms in the evening. The only VETOS are RH for him and horror films for me. So I suppose I’m saying I can’t judge him for not wanting to watch RH because unless you’re into it it must be really annoying to sit through. People are calling it a red flag - maybe. But I think this is something you can figure out together - if you don’t complain about what he watches or plays on the tv then neither should he, and I would reiterate that again and again when he starts being a baby. Or maybe you can start complaining and he’ll see how it feels. YANBU.

My DP watches all manner of shite. I leave the room. (Then pay him back later by watching 4 days straight Ally Mcbeal)

He’s a cheek.

YANBU. I'd remember this and don't put yourself out too much for him. Certainly don't let him monopolise the living room at your expense if he isn't showing your the same courtesy.

So he wouldn't have asked you to turn it over but he wanted you to offer anyway so that he could give you his grudging permission to carry on watching?

God what a nob

The only time I offer to turn over what I'm already watching is if I've already watched at least one episode while he's been working, or if he's sat through at least one episode with me.

Why should he get to decide what's on tv?

I chill out to RHOC and RHOBH and RHOC. I record them so I can binge them. DP doesn't get them but then I don't get air crash investigation or salvage hunters. Whoever has already chosen a programme when the other one sits down carries on watching it but when it ends we decide together what to watch. This is compromise. Compromise means nobody is happy. I'd let it wash over you tbh but make sure that neither of you hog the remote all evening.

My husband watches a lot of programs I don't like and vice versa. What happens in our house is whoever is watching finishes their program then we find something we both like. Some times we day we aren't bothered usually me as I might be reading or watching something on my ipad with headphones in. Never would we expect the other to turn off a show they were already watching.

YANBU. You've already changed for him by not listening to your podcasts out loud. How far do you have to bend to his will?

YANBU
You were there first. So he can either go elsewhere or endure the show until it is over. It would only be rude if you went on to another episode while he was there, which you did not.

He sounds like a twit OP.

A petulant twit.

Proceed with care!

@ChickenFight It's my house in the sense that I own it, but he lives with me because it made more sense than us living at his house. And I haven't watched Ally McBeal since it was first broadcast on TV! I can imagine it's aged pretty badly, but I'd be interested!

@Pinkblueberry - Thanks. I'm going to continue pointing out that I don't make a fuss about him watching / listening to what he likes and so I expect the same courtesy.

@RightOnTheEdge - Yes - the permission bit bugged me a bit too. It's the same outcome if I ask him or not, so what difference does it make?

@Nottherealslimshady and @PlanDeRaccordement - Thanks for your input guys and I agree. If he's endured one episode I wouldn't put another on because that would be a bit rude.

@lifestooshort123 - Fans of BH and OC unite! I also just find it amusing to wind down to and be grateful that my life isn't that dramatic all the time! Compromise is definitely the key and we usually decide what to watch together too. But when it comes to RH, he just seems to feel that compromise is me turning it off, which isn't on.

@couchlover - I also feel less bothered about what is on the TV because I'm a big reader and will happily do that instead if something on the TV isn't to my taste. Maybe I need to encourage him to be more of a reader!

Thanks to the rest of you for your responses - much appreciated. I guess I just wanted some outside perspective to confirm that I've not turned into a selfish a-hole during lockdown!

I usually just record anything I want to watch. Or I have to put up with him huffing and fidgeting away next to me. I just read when he is watching some crappy car programme.