Stupidly Shy with Men

[yellowdust]

I have been on a date with someone I know through a mutual friend but I had never had an actual conversation (apart from online obviously ) with him until we met. We’re planning another date straight after lockdown but I was hideously nervous last time and it was quite awkward. I know him a lot better know as we’ve spent a lot of time together (virtually) during the lockdown.

I’m now panicking as lockdown looks like it might be relaxed soon and although I want to meet him again and see where things go as we do have good chemistry, I’m so worried it’ll be awkward again. I’m being an idiot/unreasonable to use this worry to not meet him, aren’t I?

Does anyone have any tips to boost my confidence with?! I’m not usually this worried

anyone

Yeah just meet him! Usually the nerves evaporate in the first few minutes once you get talking. My now DH was always terribly nervous around me when we first met - I found it very charming!

Is it general social anxiety or only around men and only when dating?

@minettechatouette
Ah thats an encouraging story

@LouiseTrees
Just men really

As in men I’m dating/looking to date, not friends^

You are not alone, OP - following so I can borrow advice

Is it the buildup in our heads? The expectations we put on the outcome? I don't think it is about men if we have good male friendships, or about relationships in general just the exciting bit that everyone else seems to enjoy is overwhelming and tips into full on nerves.

@Lazingonasunnyafternoon20

The bloody buildup in my head is awful I overthink what will happen. Such a nightmare!

It’s odd as well as I’m not like this with many people, only possible relationships, so I think you’re onto something with the expectations.

I feel most comfortable in my own home, maybe if you invited him for a pizza and movie night or computer games or something in your house you'd feel more at ease? Or is inviting a man to your house for a date not the done thing/look like you're trying to hook up, in which case ignore me as I've not been on a date since 2009 and don't know what I'm talking about.

My other idea is to do something together like ice skating or see a show and have a drink after. Some kind of activity that maybe takes some of the pressure off, gives you a chance to break the ice but without focusing on conversation too much to start with.

Alternatively, pretend that you're out with one of your friends and try to forget that it's a date.

The other thing is I can only be bothered if that tension/excitement is there too so I wonder if it is about something else? Unrealistic expectations or overcompensating for lack of emotional control in other areas?

Could well be talking absolute rubbish. Most probably am. I try not to overthink it but I just can't articulate what that middle ground looks and sounds like (or what I want it to look and sound like) so get overwhelmed and then give up.

And dig out my Bridget Jones knickers and diary.

@BlueBooby

My other idea is to do something together like ice skating or see a show and have a drink after. Some kind of activity that maybe takes some of the pressure off, gives you a chance to break the ice but without focusing on conversation too much to start with.

Good advice. For the brave.

I was exactly the same, plenty male friends but minute it was someone I actually liked - cold sweats, couldnt talk properly, so blunt as to be almost rude, lost many a potential date to more confident friends.

My first date with my now DH I was actually physically shaking with nerves. He noticed, and then pointed out so was he but I'd been so worked up I hadnt noticed he was as bad!

Definately meet him, as I found out the build up in your head is way worse than the reality. If you feel comfortable enough perhaps even say to him you are really nervous, if he's nice he will likely be really understanding about it. Enjoy your date!

Well, we need more advice OP!! Did you get any ?