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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move in to an apartment in the same block as new DP?

26 replies

LFMouse · 05/05/2020 11:21

I’m currently in a new relationship with a guy I met through a mutual friend about 6 months ago. He has an apartment in central London and as I work nearby to his place (but live outside of the city), I have spent a fair bit of time there (pre lockdown). Due to work arrangements, I have been looking to move in to central London myself and have used the lockdown period to start looking on Rightmove to get an idea of what’s out there and prices etc. DP’s apartment is in an absolutely perfect location for me work wise and the block has great sound proofing, a gym, swimming pool and concierge etc. It’s a relatively new build apartment in a location where it’s currently the only residential block in that specific area (more are currently being constructed).

There is currently an ad on Rightmove for an apartment to rent in DP’s block (it’s about 20 floors above DP’s place). The apartment is the same layout as DP’s so I know it’s perfect for my needs and the price has also just been reduced due to lack of demand. Despite scouring Rightmove, I’ve found nothing else even slightly comparable in terms of location, price or facilities. The apartment block is very large (big glass building with 30 floors or so) however, I’m in two minds as to whether it’d be appropriate to take the apartment.

It’s frustrating because had I not have known DP, I would have definitely gone for the apartment. Now I’m potentially looking at paying more money each month for an apartment I don’t like as much, purely because DP lives in the same very large block and I don’t want to seem as though I’m a crazed stalker. WIBU to take the apartment? What would others do?

OP posts:

BooFuckingHoo2 · 05/05/2020 11:24

Talk to him about it? You’ve been together six months so I’m sure he won’t think you’re stalking him! Some people move in together after that length of time.

Toilenstripes · 05/05/2020 11:27

I would want to but probably wouldn’t in case things don’t work out.

Honeyroar · 05/05/2020 11:30

It sounds like a huge complex, so you’d think it wouldn’t be a problem. It would be a bit different if there were only 4 flats or something. From the way you describe it you wouldn’t be bumping into each other. Do you think you would be able to live totally separate lives there if you broke up? But you need to discuss this with him. You make the decision afterwards though.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 05/05/2020 11:31

I see no problem

PawPawNoodle · 05/05/2020 11:32

I would take it. Even if it doesn't work out, you'll never see him. I have neighbours in my square that I've never seen in the 2 years we've been here, let alone someone 20 floors away. There's no point arranging your life around someone you've known for 6 months.

Oysterbabe · 05/05/2020 11:33

I wouldn't.
It would freak me out a bit if I was him and wouldn't fancy constantly bumping in to my ex if went tits up. Plus it will make things a bit awkward in terms of seeing eachother. Will you be annoyed if he pops round every day or if he doesn't? You'll probably end up sleeping in one of the apartments every night.

edwinbear · 05/05/2020 11:34

Take the apartment. if it doesn't work out you can always move.

HopeYouStepOnALego · 05/05/2020 11:34

If you were the upper flat of a maisonette, or right next door then I might think it a bit close, but 20 floors up should be plenty of distance. If you feel you could manage the awkwardness of bumping into each other in the lift/gym/pool if the relationship ends then go for it, but maybe chat to him first to get his thoughts?

lemontreebird · 05/05/2020 11:36

I would take it. It sounds like a great apartment.

carolebaskinsheadband · 05/05/2020 11:37

I don't see any issue, it's not like it's a shared house, it's a great big tower block.
Just say to him you realise it might seem a bit bunny boiler but you want to go for it.
It's only a rental so if things really didn't work out you can always jump ship pretty sharp.

Desmondo2016 · 05/05/2020 11:39

It's more concerning that after six months you're not comfortable just having the conversation with him or worries about looking like a crazed stalker. When I'd been with my DH six months, even thought we weren't able to live together at that stage, he was very much a part of comversations and plans that I was making.

Frenchfancy · 05/05/2020 11:39

It would be sooo convenient. You could stop overnight and still go home to change before work! It sounds like a big building. You won't be the first person to be i a relationship with a neighbour.

RandomMess · 05/05/2020 11:39

I would go for it and be up front about how it seems a bit stalkerish but you can't find anything else has good.

WorraLiberty · 05/05/2020 11:40

I would take it.

But I would also have had a conversation with him by now, stating everything you've said in your OP.

Witchofzog · 05/05/2020 11:41

I would take it. There is enough distance between the flats that you won't bump into each other very often. And of your relationship lasts you will have the ideal set up where you can have your own places but be close enough to see each other regularly. Also the views must be stunning

Lifeaback · 05/05/2020 11:44

I would take it- it sounds perfect for you and sounds like a big enough complex that you won’t be under each others feet. Definitely have a chat with him and explain your reasons but if it doesn’t bother him then go for it!

Some people move in together after that length of a relationship (which makes a whole other post in itself....)

Standupthisisnotateaparty · 05/05/2020 11:46

I would take it but explain to him what you have just said, particularly that you have looked and can’t find anything elsewhere.

Chickychickydodah · 05/05/2020 11:46

Go for it, if your relationship fails you’re 20 floors above .

Herpesfreesince03 · 05/05/2020 11:48

I’d take it. Even if it does go tits up, I don’t see why it’s so horrific to occasionally bump into an ex. The building sounds big enough that it shouldn’t be hard to avoid him either way

Dollywilde · 05/05/2020 11:50

I’d definitely do it but chat through with him first.

Through sheer coincidence I wound up living across the road from my BF (now DH) when we had been dating about 9 months. We both had flat shares coming to an end at the same time, I was moving in with some mates in Brixton and he and a friend decided to look in the same area for a number of reasons but one of those being that it would make our lives easier to be nearby rather than other ends of London. The flat came up and he asked me whether it was too close. It was a dream! His flat mate was our a lot so I’d sleep over at his 4 nights a week and then nip back across the road to use my own shower and beauty stuff. Housemates loved it as our place was quite small so it gave them more space if I was only around half the time and equally if I was tired I’d sack off DH and sit on the sofa drinking red wine with my mates.

Actually at a distance of 7 years, a baby and a mortgage it actually sounds like a bloody dream, do you reckon he’d agree to go back to that set up?

wibdib · 05/05/2020 11:54

If it’s also the only convenient block in the area currently then that also makes it easier to go for - if there were 10 similar blocks close by then there would be much more choice of suitable places but while there isn’t it’s all the more reason to go for it, doubly so if the rent has just reduced.
How much notice do you need to give on your old place?

WickedlyPetite · 05/05/2020 12:12

If you're comfortable enough to be calling him your partner you should be comfortable enough to have a conversation with him about the apartment.

leafyskyline · 05/05/2020 12:46

Take it.

If things work out then great, if they don't then think how annoyed you'd be that you were paying more to live somewhere not as good.

You've made me very nostalgic for my carefree London days now I'm on lockdown with two kids in a village. It sounds like a great flat, I hope you're very happy in it

PicaK · 05/05/2020 12:58

Take it.
Let him know. 20 floors up is practically a tube stop away.
Another one here wishfully remembering London life....

PicaK · 05/05/2020 13:00

Actually - after lockdown - if you ever want to house swap one weekend for a leafy country village I bet there'll be a tonne of people bite your arm off. (Just remembering how much I enjoyed weekend mini breaks in the countryside when I was in London!!!)

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