Explaining to DS

[paerol]

I have no idea how to approach this.

DS is 3. His dad hasn't been involved for 9 months as he declined supervised contact (long stories of why that came about but he's been in court and charged).

Since the other day, he's started speaking about him a lot. He's not asking questions but he's telling me certain stuff 'smells like daddy', he's arranging his stuff so it 'looks like daddy'.

If I'm honest, after this long and with him being so young (he's literally just turned 3), I actually assumed he wouldn't remember but his memory has stretched and now with him talking about him, I have no idea the best way to approach it and it's really upsetting me.

I don't know if he'll go to court in the future to try for contact, but he hasn't made an effort so far.

Do I just smile along with his comments and ignore it? Or am I supposed to approach this head on and try and explain it?

Shameless bump before I lose my mind trying to figure out what to say

I don’t think there’s any reason to answer questions that aren’t being asked.

“Yes, it does look like Daddy.” That’s all you need to say right now.

@DollyDoneMore okay, thank you - I didn't know if it was completely ignorant to his confusion to not attempt to explain but then I didn't know which one would make it worse. So hard!

It may not mean what it sounds like. At that age one of my dc talked about mangoes a lot when there was anything he liked. Roast chicken "taste like mango!" Chocolate ice-cream "taste like mango!" Mummy "smell like mango!" (Mummy also "look like mango!" when I dressed up in a frock for a wedding.) This was all purely because he absolutely adored mangoes.

Your dc may be using the word "daddy" because he's heard it, maybe from children at nursery, on TV, or in books, and he's trying it on for size. He probably hasn't worked out how that word actually relates to him.

Personally, I would acknowledge his statements in a very neutral way, and not read anything into them at the moment. I certainly don't think you need to talk to him about his actual daddy right now.

@Dilbertian we've (unfortunately) had an unnecessary incident with him following us in the past few weeks (he's already been charged with harassment) and my little DS remembered exactly who he was and knew that was his daddy

I wouldnt ignore it.Poor little boy obviously has it on his mind. I think you should be honest but in very, very gentle ways. Hes still a young child. So yes acknowledge what he is saying but dont continue the conversation.

There was another thread asking similar where the father had been jailed that you might want to try and find. Could you say “ daddy did some bad things and he had to go to court which is where they put you before jail, I’m worried he might do more bad things and it might affect you” ?

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that.