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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that 50's are mehhhhh.

2 replies

FiftiesFeelingMeh · 04/05/2020 09:19

Am in my early 50's. Up until now I have really enjoyed life. Had a good marriage, travelled lots, had a great job, extra cash, then lucky enough to be a SAHM for a while and lovely DC.

The last couple of years have been really hard. There has been no major catastrophe, it has just slid downhill. I had terrible menopausal symptoms for 3 years. I found a diary I kept the other day and it was full of inserts about feeling totally overwhelmed with anxiety, depression and terrible thoughts. During this time DH and I drifted apart whilst I battled this alone, keeping my darkest thoughts to myself and him at arms length. Then my menopause rectified itself with a bit of help and I found our marriage was not the perfect thing it once was.

DH and I have nearly split up a few times over the past year. I don't want this and every time it gets close, he says that actually he does really love me and doesn't want to leave. We have been together for 30 years, love each other very much, but I suppose we have got bored, complacent and sometimes only see each others faults and not our many qualities.

I feel old, unattractive, overweight, unintelligent, have a low paying, convenient job. I feel unattractive to my DH. I just feel 50's are meh...

I feel like I need a mentor to get me through this decade. Someone who tells me how 50's are meant to look, how tour marriage is meant to look after 30 years and how the things we are going through are normal or not normal, but don't have anyone I can talk to. I feel like I am not handling the transition into 50's and long term marriage very well at all and I am a boat without paddles.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 04/05/2020 09:52

Oh dear, sorry to hear this, it can be an awful time for so many people.
Where to start? Don't forget we're in a strange situation right now so things are far from normal.

On the other hand, a good time to take stock and ask yourself what do you want? Do you have any ideas what you want to do or do you feel you're drifting a bit and everything is running away from you?

Xenia · 04/05/2020 09:56

It feels like you are having a bad time. of me 50s is really good. Just about no menopause symptoms (other than no periods) and as a lawyer full time pretty good for earnings as other than university costs I now have no childcare costs to pay and my mortgage is paid off and I got the divorce over in my 40s.

Lots of women feel a lot more free in their 50s, more so than men, as there are not small children around and happiness levels tend to rise and it is before the ill health of much older age sets in.

I think we cannot say what is supposed to happen. Just work out what you want but not now under lockdown - it is not a good time to take decisions about anything.

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