Am in my early 50's. Up until now I have really enjoyed life. Had a good marriage, travelled lots, had a great job, extra cash, then lucky enough to be a SAHM for a while and lovely DC.
The last couple of years have been really hard. There has been no major catastrophe, it has just slid downhill. I had terrible menopausal symptoms for 3 years. I found a diary I kept the other day and it was full of inserts about feeling totally overwhelmed with anxiety, depression and terrible thoughts. During this time DH and I drifted apart whilst I battled this alone, keeping my darkest thoughts to myself and him at arms length. Then my menopause rectified itself with a bit of help and I found our marriage was not the perfect thing it once was.
DH and I have nearly split up a few times over the past year. I don't want this and every time it gets close, he says that actually he does really love me and doesn't want to leave. We have been together for 30 years, love each other very much, but I suppose we have got bored, complacent and sometimes only see each others faults and not our many qualities.
I feel old, unattractive, overweight, unintelligent, have a low paying, convenient job. I feel unattractive to my DH. I just feel 50's are meh...
I feel like I need a mentor to get me through this decade. Someone who tells me how 50's are meant to look, how tour marriage is meant to look after 30 years and how the things we are going through are normal or not normal, but don't have anyone I can talk to. I feel like I am not handling the transition into 50's and long term marriage very well at all and I am a boat without paddles.