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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don’t know what to do about allowing my parents to see my newborn

11 replies

CandleFlames · 03/05/2020 23:33

I have a three week old baby and had been isolating (bar hospital trips) since 33 weeks pregnant. Since having my baby we have been for a few short walks around the pond when it is virtually empty. We tend to only go for around 15 minutes as it’s a very small pond. None of my family nor my partner’s have met our baby, due to lockdown rules which we are following. My mum chose to self-isolate seven weeks ago, including keeping her two young children inside and not taking them out for any walks at all. She did this because she wanted to meet our baby. We did not ask her to do this and encouraged her to social distance and go for walks as her husband is still working and going to the shops and my other sister is a carer working full time and living with them, so it didn’t make sense for her to stay in total isolation plus the kids. My mum and I have a difficult relationship, we’re either very close or not talking. She is very self-absorbed and a little narcissistic, and has done some odd stuff since having my baby such as sending me her baby photos to show how much my son looks like her and taking my photos of me and my son that I have taken and randomly uploading them like ‘smiling for granny’. We do FaceTime her and every day but again it is often about her and how hard she is finding all of this, which I understand but it’s rarely about anyone else. Over the past week since talk of restrictions being lifted she has started to say she’ll get to see my son soon, but my partner and I have decided to wait a little longer to see what happens, because we just don’t know until restrictions are relaxed a little and id rather wait until he was around six weeks to see how things are then so only three more weeks to go if everything is safer. My DP’s family haven’t been isolating but social distancing and his dad is a funeral director so sees the severity of Covid. They have been really understanding but my mum hasn’t. She has put up statuses on Facebook saying she has isolated for nothing, has blamed me for her keeping her kids inside saying she did it all for me (again I hadn’t asked this of her and told her it was pointless), said she’s had to lock them in because of me; and that this whole ‘experience has been ripped from her’ because of all of this. I kind of feel like what about me and my DP? We’ve not had a normal pregnancy (I was quite unwell and had an early csection which meant I was in hospital alone for three days) and like other new mums have not had the norm with a new baby. But now I just feel bloody guilty even though I’m trying to protect my son. Am I wrong for wanting to keep him away from people for longer?

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 03/05/2020 23:36

Well they can't yet....just wait a couple of weeks.

bridgetreilly · 03/05/2020 23:37

She actually isn't self-isolating if she's sharing a house with people who are still going out to work, unless she's staying in a separate room, using a separate bathroom and kitchen.

But even if she were doing it properly, you didn't ask her to do this, you didn't agree that if she did it she could meet your baby. You do not have to let her guilt you into doing anything. You and your partner are the only ones who get to decide what is safe for your baby.

Next time she brings it up, tell her that. And then tell her that if she can't stop the guilt trips, you'll be limiting the Facetime contact as well. This isn't about her, it's about your baby.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 03/05/2020 23:49

She sounds over the top, manipulative and selfish for making all this about her and 'her experience' rather than the health of her daughter and grand child. And also not very clever (sorry) if she thinks keeping her children inside is going to make any difference when she lives with a key worker (unless like a pp said the key worker is effectively living in an annex). You do not need this additional pressure at the moment

firawla · 03/05/2020 23:54

Her guilt tripping you at this difficult time is horrible, so I wouldn’t give in to that!

CecilyP · 04/05/2020 00:06

She sounds very selfish in wanting to see the baby but not considering her own young children and taking them out. And she is not self-isolating while others in the household are going to work even if she thinks she s.

Popc0rn · 04/05/2020 00:27

She does sound very "me, me, me". Yeah it's a crap situation, but it's crap for everyone, and she's being a knob for guilt tripping you right now when you're just following official advice and doing what's best for your baby.

If her husband is still out working and your sister is a carer and lives with your mum, then that's that. She hasn't self isolated at all and it's pointless for her not to take herself or her kids out for walk.

I am a nurse and have accepted that I probably won't meet friends and family after "lockdown" is lifted because there is a higher chance of me potentially being an asymptomatic carrier and passing covid on. It's rubbish but it is what it is and I'd rather my loved ones be safe.

ColdCottage · 04/05/2020 05:52

Try not to worry about it. These are her issues. You need to just do what is right for your family - your plan sounds sensible.

She will get over it in time.

Peggysgettingcrazy · 04/05/2020 05:58

Those poor bloody kids. Inside for 7 weeks because she wants to see your baby?

She is still a risk because her husband has to go out to work.

WobblingMyWigglyBits · 04/05/2020 07:29

She sounds very self absorbed
Just say no to visiting and let her crack on
Her writing things on FB are making her look silly, most people understand

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/05/2020 07:32

Just ignore her. Nobody reading those posts will think she is anything other than deluded!

Enjoy your new baby, don't let her rob you off that experience Smile

onlinelinda · 04/05/2020 09:13

People who put up those personal statuses on social media are best ignored, whoever they are.

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