To ask how to cope with the bad things in life?

[howdoicope]

I feel like I am quite a pessimistic person. I also suffer with anxiety. It feels like my entire life is either bad things happening or worrying about bad things happening in the future.

At the moment it feels like in every area of my life there is something bad happening, some being very serious things that I am terrified of happening. I feel like I have no resilience on the best of days and have genuinely no idea how to keep strong when it feels like my life is crumbling.

I am only in my mid 20s and I already feel completely disillusioned and worn down with life. I feel like other people are much better at looking after their mental health and being resilient which makes them much better equipped at dealing with bad things happening.

So to all those who are resilient and have good mental health, what kind of lifestyle factors or mindsets do you attribute that to?

Thank you

Few ideas...

• Surround yourself with resilient, centred people. And people who make you feel good about yourself.
• Try yoga or pilates- yoga has made me so much more grounded.
• Make sure you are eating well, exercise regularly, getting enough sleep.
• Make time to laugh.
• Keep a diary/ journal. Write down how you are doing. Keep a diary of stuff you are grateful for.
• Counselling and/or cbt may help.

Hi,
I am so sorry you are having lots of tough things to deal with. It's so hard when they all pile up at once. In my experience the best way through, so they don't drag you down into a depression is to handle it something like this:
Remind yourself no one gets through life without some really dark, sad moments. They are part of life. It's horrible but it's normal, just as good times and good luck are too, which will come to you in time.

While it's OK, healthy even, to feel sad or down about bad things piling up, it's really important to take positive actions where you can. Typically, these include good self care - a good bath or shower every day, clothes you feel comfortable and good in, healthy food.

Practise ring-fencing the time you spend dwelling on the bad stuff. Tell yourself you can worry and obsess about it for half an hour (set an alarm on your phone) then go and do something distracting - watch a comedy, listen to upbeat music, do a workout etc.

Plan some things to look forward to. That's really hard in lockdown, but at the very least plan to cook a favourite recipe later in the week, or to watch a favourite old film or buy a new book by your favourite writer etc.

Develop the habit of reading.
Seriously, reading novels, factual, biography, nature, anything that grabs your interest automatically informs. educates and entertains.
Ultimately, it acts as a window into alternative worlds and alternative realities that you can learn from and apply basic principles that can help you to become more resilient.

When I was your age, I felt the same. I was constantly anxious and depressed, and I struggled with life in general because I felt that it was out of my control, all of it, it was just happening to me.

Somewhere along the way I realised that I had to look after myself, because no one else could do it for me. I started with things that I knew I could control - taking more exercise, making time for myself, and onwards from there, culminating in changing jobs several times and retraining.

In my 40s, life is objectively much harder than in my 20s but I've never been happier.

Please believe me when I tell you that life can improve.

OP I don't believe that others have better coping skills with yourself. Perhaps some of the issues are rooted in early childhood environment or experiences and not something you can just change with an optimistic mindset. One thing that really will change your life is to maintain some distance from dysfunctional relationships for improved mental health.

Also if you keep being this way you will get used to it and be able to focus on other things easier.

I wouldn't consider myself a resilient person but I've found when I feel like things are falling apart a routine really helps me feel level headed and more in control of my situation. Aswell as taking extra time for myself.
Hope this helps

Therapy.

Seriously, that got me through the worst time in my life and showed me how I need to find a way forward for my feelings that works for me and a way to get out of my depressed thinking.

I do stuff for other people. It keeps a sense of perspective for me. When I was dealing with immigration (no picnic, let me tell you) I volunteered with teenage offenders. Nothing like it for telling me that I had it easy. And yes, reading...

But also, don't kid yourself. Other people are struggling. I used to see one woman whose Facebook was full of #lifegoals and #making memories and her feed was all wholesome and wonderful. I went to a seminar with a friend and she was there. Weeping because her life was so miserable. That was an eye opener. I was doing a lot better than her, she was just a lot better at hiding it and therefore she got less support.

Find your passion in life and spend some time every day doing it. It might be reading, or gardening or yoga or one of thousand other things. But for me, finding my passion means that I get so involved I 'lose' myself in it. My brain has a rest and I don't think of anything else for that time.

Thank you so much everyone. So many good ideas! I think I struggle because some of the bad things happening are really serious (health related) and I feel like I have to dwell and worry about it all day. I am a Christian and I pray about it every time it crosses my mind and I feel guilty if I try and distract myself from it as I feel like I have to pray for it. It is some kind of magical thinking ritual which is like a mild form of OCD.

I have made a plan with your ideas of things I am going to do this week.

1. Read. I love this idea @pallasathena and have never really thought of reading as a way to help anxiety but you are right, it is so beneficial to immerse yourself in another world. Thank you. I know classical literature like Jane Austen is available free on the Apple Books app so I will start reading one this week.
2. Develop a proper, screen-free bedtime routine
3. Do yoga and pilates. I have done both of these a handful of times sporadically over the lockdown period and I have really enjoyed them but never really thought about incorporating them as a daily habit and I definitely think I should. I love that it encourages you to connect with your breathing and body as I am always in my head ruminating over thoughts and it stops that.
4. Watch my favourite comedy films
5. A lot of you mentioned about the people I surround myself with. At the moment due to the lockdown I am around my family who also all have anxiety which probably doesn't help. I have started to think about this and I realise that whenever I am in a good mood they will bring me down and I can never really laugh or joke around with them as they are all very serious (which is understandable as we are going through some difficult situations as a family). I think I will try and be more mindful of every interaction I have and if I start to feel myself feel more anxious I will take myself out of the situation.
6. Do things I enjoy. This week I am going to cook a recipe I have been wanting to for ages, bake a cake, spend time in the garden and watch a favourite film.

@ellanwood "Remind yourself no one gets through life without some really dark, sad moments. They are part of life. It's horrible but it's normal, just as good times and good luck are too, which will come to you in time" - Thank you, I really needed to hear that. I have been realising that recently I have started to distance myself from my friends because I am so envious that they are not going through the difficult situations I am which is silly because I shouldn't compare my life to theirs, everyone goes through difficult times.

@changemind I definitely think it is routed in childhood. Both my parents have anxiety so I think it is only natural I have developed anxiety and have this core belief that the world is a bad, scary place where bad things happen.

It is some kind of magical thinking ritual which is like a mild form of OCD.

You know it is. I'm an atheist and even I know that's not how prayer works.

I know a lady who has had far more than her fair share of terrible luck over the last few years - including illness/bereavement of multiple family members as well as significant other bad events over which they had no control. They have been at the forefront of caring and helping never hiding away or saying enough is enough I can't do anymore. (not that it's wrong to say enough is enough but I'm just saying this person is very selfless in an ongoing crisis).

I have been amazed by the resilience this lady has shown (although I know there will be some element of brave face as she is only human after all). One thing that has struck me which I think we can learn something from is that even when there are big bad things happening it is ok to (and probably important to) still enjoy a new pair of shoes or plan and look forward to a visit to somewhere you wanted to go (pre virus of course but hopefully again soon). Take pleasure in the small stuff whatever that means for you. At the moment that might mean enjoying your favourite meal/ a feel good movie/ baking a cake/ saving for something you want to treat yourself to/ a phone call with a friend who makes you laugh. Little positive moments are just as real as any others and you deserve to enjoy them even when bad things are happening.