To ask if I should feel bad for this?

[CandleFlames]

I had a baby three weeks ago and before that I was a smoker. Not very heavy, could go days/weeks without. It’s just something I enjoy with a drink. I gave up during pregnancy and didn’t touch alcohol. I didn’t touch either for 21 days either. I’m not making excuses for myself but I suffer with mental health issues (bipolar disorder) and have needed a bit of me time (don’t we all?) so the past three evenings I have enjoyed have a glass of wine and a cigarette. I only pop outside (in my garden) for 5-10 minutes while my partner looks after baby, as I do most of the day stuff. After I have a cigarette, I go straight in the shower without going back upstairs, wash my hair and my body and my hands and then brush my teeth and use mouthwash, and then spend about half an hour drying my hair (it’s so thick and I have a crap hairdryer!) so I’m not holding my baby for over an hour. To me this is a nice bit of me time and I think I’m taking all the sensible precautions and being clean, and I’m only having one cigarette in the evening, never during the day as I won’t have one without showering. And I’m adamant I will continue that. It’s been quite nice to be honest and has given me some sense of normality and that time to just clear my head. But my mum has told me I’m disgusting for doing so, and now I’m feeling bad about it like I’m being a bad mum. So I’m just wondering, does this make me a bad mum?

Must also add I’m exclusively formula feeding.

That’s fine. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Of course it doesn’t make you a bad mum. But one a day will never stay that way. As an ex smoker myself, it’s a slippery slip to 20 a day once you start, however good your intentions are.

Could you do all those things without the cigarette? You're not a bad mum for wanting a break but it seems a shame to undo 9 months of abstinence when it might be a good time to give up if you want to?

Of course it doesn’t make you a bad mum! Just caring about it means your aren’t a bad mum and the showering after smoking means there’s no risk anyway. I’m an ex smoker, I quit when pregnant and haven’t smoked since (babies 6 months now), my only concern would be knowing how slippery a slope it is back down the smoking scale! I find it far easier to have none than have some, my advice would be to find another hobby for your me time, maybe just make a drink and sit outside for the same amount of time without smoking?

Yeah I see what you all mean. I don’t plan on going back and at the moment am only fancying it with a glass of wine and never in the day (and don’t have the time!) will try to nip it in the bud.

Good to have some you time

It doesn't make you a bad mum. At least you're talking lengths to protect your baby from the smoke. Three women I worked with were pregnant at the same time as me and all 3 continued smoking all through their pregnancies. So don't beat yourself up about a bit of you time that has no impact on your baby.

Thank you all, my parents made a comment about how ‘that will be nice for your baby’ and just made me feel really shitty especially calling me disgusting. But I am taking all sensible precautions. But again I will try to nip it in the bud.

It's fine op, don't worry!