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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Employer making life VERY difficult.

753 replies

Titslikepicassos · 03/05/2020 13:58

Supposed to be returning from MAT leave in June, have childcare arranged and as a key worker they will still take my baby - excellent.

Had a team meeting with work this week to discuss going back and have been told that I have to relocate as my partner works on the same site as me - which has been known since I informed them we were in a relationship, however the policy changed in October (before I went on MAT leave). While we are on the same site, our jobs are separate and we are working in different buildings, have different managers and different hours. The different hours means I will need to do drop offs and pick ups to coincide with opening and closing hours.

So during the middle of a pandemic, with child care mostly closed I now have to find a new nursery, lose a significant term time deposit and start the settling in process all over again. Not only that, they have told me to find my own employment within the company - my head is exploding with all of this. AIBU to think this is an unnecessary ball ache!

I appreciate that this is a minor problem given the amount of people losing jobs!

OP posts:
TerribleCustomerCervix · 05/05/2020 22:01

OP you don’t need to provide evidence of anything. It’s your manager who is trying to change the status quo, you don’t need to prove anything. Don’t let this shake you.

Even the nicey nicey texts and emails- does she refer to the move there? Is she using language which is intended to guilt you into staying at home longer etc?

Do you remember any of the dates of the conversations before you went on maternity leave?

Annamaria14 · 05/05/2020 22:13

@Titslikepicassos you are getting stressed that is normal.

But everything is on your side. Everything.

Just say what she said to HR. They will get her to confirm what she wants. I think that she might backtrack. Which is why she asked for the week to think about it. Either she does backtrack. Or she sticks with it and says to HR what she said to you - and then you can raise a grievance.

It is up to her to sort things out. You dont need to worry. It should all go well for you

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/05/2020 22:14

All you need at this stage is confirmation that you can return to your old role at the end of your ML. That is a legal right. Don’t let them muddy the timing. You return after 6 months of ML back to your old role. Any AL you take is holiday from the role you have returned to not an extension of your ML. If necessary return for one day before taking AL.

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 05/05/2020 22:31

OMG you’re right, so stressed!

Some of the language used was a definitive attempt to get me to stay at home but that was prior to Mat leave.

I’ve got an email which I sent to myself (instead of the head of HR - chickened out!) after a meeting with the head of HR where I informed them I was struggling with my boss and was feeling side lined. It’s dated and It documents LOADS but wasn’t sent!

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 05/05/2020 22:33

The actual offender said that they "abhor radical feminism".

Coyoacan · 05/05/2020 22:34

Sorry, I posted in the wrong place

Annamaria14 · 05/05/2020 22:36

@titslllepicassos you are so stressed , you are not thinking about this correctly.

What do you think that you need evidence for. The onus to produce evidence is not on you.

She asked you to move.

Either she repeats this to HR - and you will have it in total confirmation that she said it. Or she totally backtracks and gives you your job back. Dont think that you have to prove anything.

I send you a huge hug. We are all behind you

Dotty1219 · 05/05/2020 23:28

I think I can guess what industry you work in. It's notorious for employee bullying.

Also discussing your job with your partner, would that not break gdpr and confidentiality?

SudokuBook · 05/05/2020 23:34

Also discussing your job with your partner, would that not break gdpr and confidentiality?

Even if they work in the same place? Unlikely. Wouldn’t stop them having a rule saying it did though

TiggerOfThigh · 06/05/2020 01:13

I think Dotty meant the company breaking GDPR and confidentiality.

Yes, it would.

Thepigeonsarecoming · 06/05/2020 01:55

OP if you sent an email to the head of HR and your Union rep stating that you feel discriminated against as a new mother and that it effecting your well being and mental health having this situation unresolved, it will likely be resolved sooner.

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 06/05/2020 09:16

HR emailed first thing - bit of back peddling and much more helpful as I mentioned grievance and employment solicitor. However still not really any answers, the regional manager is going to go to mine and my partner’s managers to find a solution

OP posts:
AngelaScandal · 06/05/2020 09:35

There is no answers because there is no question - and again to dragging a third, fourth and fifth party into proceedings

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 06/05/2020 10:09

Does that include line managers though @Boscoismyspiritanimal

OP posts:
Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 06/05/2020 10:12

No one has said ‘Tits you are going back to work at ** into your exact role’ I’d quite like them to say that.

I’d rather they didn’t say that it was because my partner has to move, as it will still cause a logistical nightmare, but it would be great if we had some sort of assurances going forward

OP posts:
billy1966 · 06/05/2020 11:07

I can't believe that they are discussing you position with your husband.

It's actually unbelievable.

The breach of your privacy is hard to comprehend.

I'm so glad you have now accessed strong legal representation.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 06/05/2020 11:14

Just out of interest OP, who is more senior? You or your DP?

Dotty1219 · 06/05/2020 11:48

Yes I meant them discussing your job with your partner. I'm sure it breaks confidentiality policy, even if you live together, theyve got no right. Dont let then bully you into backing down. And insist every bit of communication is via email not phone calls. Hope you get it sorted

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 06/05/2020 12:10

I’m more senior but the roles don’t compare IYSWIM - we share a site and customers but everything else is completely removed.

I hadn’t considered the confidentiality.

I’ve had the meetings notes through, they’re inaccurate but basically admit that the regional
manager has fucked up.

HR have also escalated things this morning after I replied to their first message this morning.

OP posts:
TerribleCustomerCervix · 06/05/2020 12:57

Glad to hear that HR are escalating.

I know someone pointed out that Hr are there to protect the business, that’s 100% true. But in my experience any HR Business Partner would be hopping mad that a clumsy manager had exposed the business to such a risk for purely selfish reasons.

Your manager will be feeling the heat trying to justify her behaviour.

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 06/05/2020 13:06

Funnily enough HR business partner has been cc’d in since this morning - just been told they have an update for me that they would like to discuss on the phone

OP posts:
TheSmelliestHouse · 06/05/2020 13:10

Good luck

RandomMess · 06/05/2020 13:10

Hmmm I would be asking for that in writing tbh...

billy1966 · 06/05/2020 13:10

OP, I appreciate this isn't an issue for you in this instance, but imagine if you were in an abusive relationship. Your employer discussing your position, options is just disgraceful and absolutely violating GDPR.

Please note this in your complaint.

The lack of basic respect of you, is infuriating to read.

Raindancer411 · 06/05/2020 13:26

I agree get it in writing rather than over the fone.

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