Boyfriend wants to come over. I don't want him to. Who is BU?

[YaasssQueen]

We have been seeing each other for 3 years on and off. We have no plans to live together, although I think he would like to. I am happy us living apart. We both have chikdren who live with us and our family styles are very different, I think it would be a total car crash if we tried to blend us all together.

He wants to come and see me, he misses me and I think he probably wants some sex truth be told.

Although it would be nice to see him, I can cope with not seeing him, and there is this thing called a lock down which sort of means we are not supposed to.

He thinks in am being too literal about the lockdown, and that I am using it as an excuse not to see him. I just don't know why he can't hang on a bit longer, doing the right thing isn't always easy but we are adults and if we were driven by doing what we want all the time then it would be a sorry state of affairs.

Am i being a bad persons in saying no, he can't come over until lockdown restrictions have been relaxed?

AIBU- let him come over ffs
YANBU- stick to the rules

What is it that people like him can't understand about lockdown? The last thread I read was about a woman's brother calling round, now your boyfriend wants to call round.

Are people really stupid? I really don't mean you, OP! I just can't see how people can interpret "Stay Inside" as "Oh I'll pop round for a shag."

HollowTalk thats it exactly, I am so disappointed in him! It does make me realise though that whilst we get on very well in lots of ways, I am right in maintaining that we run separate households.

Within four days we are going to find out how coming out of lock down will work. Would he be happy with waiting for four days?

It's obvious when out that people are now starting to mix again. If I was healthy I probably would. As I'm not I'll be holding back and seeing how the numbers go up.

does he not have a right hand? He clearly is a bit underendowed in the understanding department...

Ugh. Are you seriously prepared to have him crawl back when the rules change after that?

Are you using it as a convenient excuse not to see him? Do you really miss him?

Not the point of your OP, but i think you need a bigger conversation with him regarding the future of your relationship.
He wants to live together, you don't.
He wants to see you, you don't miss him.

Fundamentally I think you need to make it clear to him that you have different expectation of your relationship overall. Views on lockdown are just a symptom of different overall life perspectives I think.

I desperately miss my boyfriend (and would REALLY like some sex) but we are not seeing each other until lockdown ends. I know there are plenty of people who aren't following the guidelines (yes I did say guidelines before someone jumps on me and says "it's not THE LAW") which makes it even more important that most people DO follow them.

It's not a good sign if he's putting guilt trips on you about "making excuses".

I agree you need to look at your relationship. He wants to see you which is understandable but not allowed. If you're not that bothered whether or not you see your partner it's time to call it a day IMHO.

Just say no and keep saying it until he gets the message.

I’d love to hear from the 5 or so people who think that the OP should risk the health of her children, just to let a man have sex with her. Why do you think she’s unreasonable to follow the guidance set down by those who are trying to save our lives, help the NHS cope and know a hell of a lot more than you? Would you mind explaining your reasons for thinking she’s unreasonable?

I do think we have probably come to the end of the road, not least because this seems like such desperate behaviour which is really unattractive.

Sounds like he's after sex but it isn't permitted and if you want to stick to the rules you are right to say no. If you are happy to keep it causal and he wants more you should have a serious discussion though.

@GreeenMarmalade i do miss him, but in the same way as I miss my friends i.e. it will be lovely when we see each other again with lots of hugging and "I can believe its you, I've missed you loads!" BUT- its not going to kill me until then. Maybe I'm just more self sufficient than him.

He sounds like he'd flout the rules without hesitation. That isn't a trait I find attractive in someone.

Sounds very much to me like your relationship may have run it's natural course though.

He's banging on about lockdown not being fair and he's fed up of it. Well you and me both but for different reasons, I'm not worried about whether I'm getting enough sex and I'm quite content that we are doing the right thing by distancing. Like everyone should be. I'm not going to make exceptions just because he can't be grown up enough to apply the rules unilaterally!

I felt similarly annoyed with an ex, who always nagged for stuff I didn’t want to/couldn’t give (more time/sex when I was utterly exhausted). I have never, ever regretted splitting up with him. If you imagine ending it, how do you think you might feel?

Yeah it would make me re evaluate the whole thing too.

Just going to point out that lock down isn't to stop you getting covid but to slow the spread to help the NHS cope. So it isn't about risking your health but protecting the NHS. I still agree with you though he needs to stay home