I wish you had to be 18 to be on Insta

[MadameBee]

Constant issues with DSD on Instagram, being inappropriate (she is 15, we pay her phone contract) attention seeking (posting pictures of her self harming which aren’t real) etc etc. Constantly proving that she is not mature enough to be on there.

When they stay with us we ask that their mobile phones are left downstairs when they go to bed.

Last night we went to bed at 1:30 and looked in on them (To close the window) and she’s snuck downstairs and taken her phone and there are literally hundreds of notifications from Instagram.

I have asked DH to speak to her mum about it as it really worries me, her account is private (my adult DD follows her which is how I know about what she posts) and neither DH or her mum are talking to her about what she is putting out there for hundreds of strangers to see - it’s so frustrating.

I wish kids weren’t even allowed on SM tbh, it’s so cringeworthy for them later on, or parents were having more conversations with their kids about it so they don’t have 5 secret accounts.

Your DH needs to do some parenting. Don’t “ask” that phones are left downstairs, take them into your room if she can’t be trusted. Stop her posting on Instagram., at least while she’s with you. She’s only 15 and her actions sound like someone who is craving attention and part of that attention is boundaries and security of knowing g there’s grown ups around. He’s her dad, not her pal. You’re in a very difficult situation as stepmum so he’s going to have to handle this one.

It's not Instas fault. It's your DH and her mum's fault.

Get your adult DD to report any inappropriate content or make an account and follow her yourself.

I agree.

She left it in the back room and we were in the front and I suggested that she might just take it and he was like “oh no she wouldn’t do that”

No it isn’t Instagrams fault but I know that a lot of parents struggle with boundaries around it.

I don't think it's an age issue so much as an awareness and maturity issue.

If her account is private, and you cannot see anything as a non-follower, then she is taking some measures to limit what other people can see. Of course, the object of this is defeated if she hasn't met all her followers IRL.

With regards to the content she is posting, attention seeking posts of self-harm, which may or may not be her, need to be dealt with by her parents. Too many children are not brought up with the tale of the boy who cried wolf these days and they dont have the social and emotional maturity to realise how inappropriate spreading lies like this far and wide is. In my teen years attention seeking was friends claiming to have pets or met people which they hadn't. Now, it seems to be so much more challenging and it is a 'thing' to have traumatic experiences.

Personally I would look into whether there are any media stories of people who have claimed on SM to have done or seen or had whatever and the consequences/fall out from that lie. Share them with your DH and show him that he is not setting his daughter up for a happy and well rounded adulthood if he continues to bury his head in the sand.

One story personal to my family is DH's ex stepdaughter claiming to be pregnant and have cancer just after we got together. It all turned out to be lies. However, now she is a mother and has a terminal condition. She will never see her child grow into their teen years and will be lucky if she sees them start school. Back when she was a teen, she didn't even consider the idea of something like this really happening and told so many lies about so many different health conditions and pregnancies, she was crying out for attention. it has taken a long time for a lot of people to believe that her story now is true.

I seem to remember around Christmas time people were buying things like this www.amazon.co.uk/s?ref=nb_sb_noss&k=phone+cage&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Was she punished for her phone use last night?

It’s nice that you care op. But if neither of her actual parents care enough to intervene, then I’m not sure what you’ll be able to achieve

@Herpesfreesince03

Totally