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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex ignoreing lockdown

8 replies

Dektev · 03/05/2020 08:51

Sorry people this is a long one.... First time posting.
The relationship between me and my ex wife (still married) has been good and we have 2 kids (10+12) I see them for a few hours in the week and they stop over with me Friday night and sometimes Saturday night.
She has been in a relationship with a guy who lives 40 miles for over a year and I'm happy for her (I really am as our relationship broke down without anyone being involved (guess just one of those things)) but since the corona19 lockdown she has been going to see him (he lives in a tower block on his own), I asked her that she really shouldn't be going to see him while in lockdown and she is a key worker (3 days a week in a supermarket) and whilst I am still going to work (I work in construction) my parents have been in lockdown for 6wks and I do shopping for them, I am very conscious of the social distancing and the cleaning of hands.
BUT when I asked my ex if she had been to see her boyfriend over Easter she said no, I suspected she was lying so asked my daughter to ask her when I took the kids back, the next day my daughter told me that yes she had gone but to drop off Easter eggs!
When questioned again about it she went mad telling me it is non of my business and in future only EVER speak to her or contact her if its about the kids!
And that she and her boyfriend are carful and wash their hands but I still refused to have contact for 7days to be on the safe side which she said I was being stupid and over reacting and the kids will suffer by not seeing me!
So now the relationship is very hard and the kids notice the friction (which doesn't help with thier grandmother slagging me off for poking my nose into stuff that doesn't concern me).
Now once again this weekend I am 99% sure she has gone to her boyfriends again this weekend.
I need advice on do I again have a 7 day isolation away from the kids or am I really just over reacting, it would be devistating if I was to become ill and I'm sure it would kill my parents if either of them got it.
I have no interest in sticking my nose into her business but I fear that this breakdown between us is going to get very ugly if I start being difficult.....I love my kids they really are my world but I live in a 2 bed house and they are mixed sex and I can't afford to move.
I took advise from a police friend who said I should report her as its a crime BUT I must understand that the police can't go to every incident and I should try and compromise but I feel its impossible now.
Yes I'm single but I'm not bitter just concerned about my kids and family.

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 03/05/2020 08:54

Personally, it wouldn't bother me, it's obviously not strictly allowed, but as long as he's not seeing anyone then it's not that different to them living together.

I'd butt out.

BruceAndNosh · 03/05/2020 09:02

I understand that you're annoyed that she's not following guidelines but I think you're overreacting by insisting on 7 days isolation because she saw her boyfriend, but you're perfectly OK with her having brief contact with goodness how many colleagues and customers at work.

Reluctantbettlynch · 03/05/2020 09:14

Her job is a bigger risk. It's a difficult situation, if she was staying home I would agree with you but given that she's working in that environment then I don't see your point.
Her boyfriend is probably less risk than supermarkets are.

LouiseTrees · 03/05/2020 09:37

I agree with the other posters re BOTH your jobs being higher risk and if you are just shopping for your parents then you shouldn’t be going in their house just passing the bags to them and you could get them to clean down the bags before unpacking them. You also haven’t noted if the boyfriend works.

Dektev · 03/05/2020 10:42

OK thanks for some feedback much appreciated.
She is working in a environment of 2 people and keeping their distance and working in a fresh meat area constantly washing her hands.
Boyfriend is now a volunteer but he lives in a tower block with 100s of other people that is my concern with him.
I definitely don't go into my parents house and chat at the doorstep or at distance in the garden.
I work in construction and work alone with a big bottle of anti bacterial spray at hand.

OP posts:
Dektev · 03/05/2020 10:44

Also what's the voting thing about?
YABU AND YANBU?

OP posts:
Ilovecats14 · 03/05/2020 11:14

I wouldnt be happy with her flouting the rules. I've been with my partner for years and have not seen him as we live apart. We are also both still working. It would add extra risks to my son which I'm not willing to take. She may only be seeing him but who is he seeing.... Then who are they seeing and so on.

Ilovecats14 · 03/05/2020 11:15

The voting is for people to vote if 'you are being unreasonable' or 'you are not being unreasonable'.

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