To look for advice on 8yo daughter’s crush

[Dilshin]

My daughter is missing school a lot - she is finding it difficult sometimes to sleep at night and has been waking up upset. I knew she was missing her friends and teacher as I have comforted her on a number of occasions and reassured her that all her little worries will pass and that she’ll be back at school before we know it and enjoying the company of her friends again. We had a little chat tonight, she burst out crying and told me that she had a crush on a boy in her class and was too embarrassed to talk about it before this. She said she is really missing him - it broke my heart to see her so upset and I wasn’t expecting this as she is only 8 years old. I encouraged her to talk about him and she felt so much better but clearly adores him. How do I advise her? She doesn’t think he feels the same, the poor pet. It’s heartbreaking to see a little girl so young to have a crush on someone and it’s hard to know what is the best advice to give her. She is the most loving, caring little person I know, and it pains me to see her little heart hurting 💗

I think you need to nod, smile and pay it less attention.

But more importantly, if she's finding it difficult to sleep at night, waking up crying and missing her friends, I wouldn't think of them as 'little' worries. They're her very big worries.

I'd buy a big lego set, or sign her up for online dance classes or something totally lacking in angsty drama .

It's not really something you should be encouraging.

I agree about not encouraging or paying it more attention than it needs.

Reassure her that this isn't forever and she will see everyone again, it's okay to feel sad about missing them but in the meantime we need to carry on as best we can then move on to a different subject/activity. Could she post some letters to her friends or, if you know their mums and have phone numbers, could she ring them for a chat using your phone? DD is 8yo and is allowed to phone her friends once or twice a week to keep in touch.

Let's not project a sixteen-year-old (plus)'s crush on an eight-year-old.

I had crushes at that age, and it was really just a longing to sit near them at lunch, to have them smile at me. Nothing desperate or remotely sexual.

She's missing her friends, clearly. As are they all. I'd let her talk, but when she says the feelings are unrequited, just kind of pass over that. Let her know what attributes all her friends (and you!) love about her. For example:
"He doesn't like me back."
"Well, I know for a fact that all your friends appreciate your kindness (generosity, patience, inclusiveness). Remember when you...?" Fill in specific example.

Oh god please spare me from mothers who treat their junior age daughters’ little friendships with boys as if they were on the dating scene ... speaking as an upper KS2 teacher with experience of this, it’s totally cringey and inappropriate and causes all kinds of upset. Step back from the drama OP. As a pp said, get the Lego out and move on.

Thank you for all your advice - she’s just so young and I was taken aback. It’s a big deal to her but I’m sure all the upset of C19 has shaken her world like all of ours. I just wasn’t expecting it. I wouldn’t dream of entertaining it, just I was wondering as to what would be the right thing to say to her instead of just dismissing it.

The not sleeping thing, though. I'd (quietly) take that up with your GP.
We started Melatonin supplements for the 15-year-old. These were ok'd/noted by our Nurse Practitioner, but she let us know this was our choice, etc.
11-year-old is fine without.
And FYI, I'm not remotely hippy-dippy and traditional medicine has always worked for me.
Not sure how that would be received by UK GPs or if you can get supplements (??)

Melatonin isn't generally prescribed to children in the UK unless there are serious sleep issues. In the Trust where I live, GPs cannot prescribe it to a child and the prescription has to come from CAMHS, the sleep clinic, or a consultant.

I’m hoping that she’ll start sleeping better after she got everything off her chest tonight - she is missing her grandparents too as they are cocooning but they are in touch a lot via social media. It’s a big adjustment for all of us but adults are better able to deal with it. We have two sons also and they seem to be coping better. I think maybe that everything just got on top of her and it all came out tonight.

It’s not that unusual - I remember having my first boyfriend when I was 8 in the 80s (when this song came out!)

It’s a really tough time for all of us, especially children who don’t really understand why their world has been turned upside down. Give her some extra attention and reassurance, and perhaps create a relaxing bedtime routine to help her sleep.

When my DS was in reception he absolutely adored his teacher (young and absolutely beautiful!), he would always get a shy secretive smile when he spoke of her. She informed them near the end of the acandemic year she would be moving abroad to teach little children there in the summer holidays. Well DS spent weeks during the summer crying his eyes out and moping around like a heartbroken teenager. He couldn't believe that he would never see her again. He was over it by September

Your DD seems a sensitive soul too, but she will be fine. I think the main problem is the change of routine and lack of socializing. Most kids are missing school friends and struggling as a result.