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Original poster

Stress levels about year 10 ds missing school going through the roof. Help!

40 replies

whenthejoyreturns · 02/05/2020 12:19

It’s been keeping me awake at night. He’s the sort of dc who is very compliant at school. He listens and learns well in lessons and does very well in tests despite doing little at home. He basically remembers well what he has been taught without having to do much more. He is predicted high grades for GCSEs. Now of course this has all changed and I am so worried. He’s doing the work school are setting but this only takes him a couple of hours a day. I have tried to get him to do extra but he’s not interested and I don’t want to be on his case and put him off doing anything at all. I need to calm down but I am struggling. I’m afraid this is going to have a big impact on him going forward and feel gutted about it.

OP posts:
MumW · 02/05/2020 12:24

So long as he's doing the work that is being set, then I'd be inclined to stop worrying. If he learns as easily as you say, then he'll soon catch up when lessons resume.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 02/05/2020 12:25

A couple of hours is fine if he's getting through all the work though. Is he?

OneandTwenty · 02/05/2020 12:27

just get him books in as many subjects as you can, and encourage to watch documentaries.

If he's doing in 2 hours what will take another kid all day, he'll be fine.

Original poster
whenthejoyreturns · 02/05/2020 12:28

Thanks. He’s adamant he’s doing all the work but definitely nothing extra off his own back. He’d rather be gaming with his friends.

OP posts:
Humina · 02/05/2020 12:29

Mine is the same. I background worry about it, but at this age, he has to be responsible for his own learning and work ethic. I can't physically make him do it, even if I nag and nag and nag.

Original poster
whenthejoyreturns · 02/05/2020 12:30

I’ll keep trying to get him to watch so documentaries but he’s not keenSad

OP posts:
sleepwhenidie · 02/05/2020 12:32

Same here with y10 DS - he argues that by the time you take breaks, PHSE and sport out of his timetable you are only left with a few hours of teaching a day and I can’t really argue with that! He’s also apparently getting to the end of some of his syllabuses (syllabi ?Hmm) for the year and from now will be revision. Some days he does 3hrs of work, others 5 but it sounds like his friends are doing the same. Try not to worry.

tootiredtoconga · 02/05/2020 12:32

Please take this in the spirit in which it's meant, but are you quite anxious generally? Because it's sounds as though your DS is doing really well. He's getting through all the work he has been set. If he's doing a couple of hours a day then that's more than many kids are doing! I wonder whether you are (understandably!) finding the whole lockdown situation stressful and your DS's Schoolwork has sort of become a focus for that? He honestly will be fine Flowers

StirCrazy2020 · 02/05/2020 12:32

He's the sort of kid who will come through this fine academically. My younger son is like this. My elder son needs routine to focus and isn't as academically minded and so getting him to do anything is tortuous. He will most definitely fall behind. You're doing fine by the sound of it. We are more anxious than the children!

OneandTwenty · 02/05/2020 12:32

put them on when you have diner together Grin

I am so against screen during meal times, but exceptional times and all that... Magazines, movies based on true stories/events, fun websites... it's all good.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/05/2020 12:32

If he’s doing the work I wouldn’t stress.

Work can be caught up on and exams retaken if need be. Being safe is more important.

Original poster
whenthejoyreturns · 02/05/2020 12:32

@Humina absolutely agree. Can’t really force him to do extra when he’s doing what he’s been given but I wish he was super keen.

OP posts:
KoalasandRabbit · 02/05/2020 12:34

That sounds like he's doing fine - it's probably equivalent of at school if it's all set, you take out disruption, moving around, doing work quicker than average as higher ability etc. I'ld be happy he's doing work set.

puffinandkoala · 02/05/2020 12:35

I wish he was super keen

In the real world most kids and people are not. Kid go to school to get certificates and people go to work to earn money. You don't need to be superkeen, you just need to get the work done.

Suzie6789 · 02/05/2020 12:37

I have a yr 10 DS too, I’m worried about the huge amount of time missed. If your DS is doing the work willingly I wouldn’t be worried, or trying to make him watch documentaries. His time gaming is also valuable as it will be the only social interaction with friends that he will have.
I have to nag my DS to death to make him do any of the work.

TeenPlusTwenties · 02/05/2020 12:38

He's doing the work that's been set and usually learns really easily.
I think you need to relax a bit. he is in a way better position than many.

ilovesooty · 02/05/2020 12:39

He's doing what he has to do. I don't see anything to be anxious about and if you keep pushing him he might be affected by your anxiety.

LellyMcKelly · 02/05/2020 12:39

If he’s getting through the work, and getting in an hour of exercise then I wouldn’t worry. My year 7 DS is spending far more time than I’d normally allow in the XBox, but that’s where he meets his friends now and as long as he spends some time away doing other stuff like watch a movie or do some cooking (surprisingly he’s enjoying cooking far more than I thought he would), keeping his room tidy and doing his own laundry then I’m cutting him some slack.

LadyPenelope68 · 02/05/2020 12:40

If he's doing the work school are asking then that's all you should expect IMO. There are many issues that need considering at this time such as the mental health and well being of young people, stop pushing him. He is not going to be at a disadvantage when schools re-open, all students will have missed the same amount of work. There are other priorities than pushing school work and I say that as a teacher and parent.

LadyPenelope68 · 02/05/2020 12:42

This whole situation is going to have a huge impact on EVERYONE in the future, but having "stress levels through the roof" and "losing sleep" because your teenager doesnt want to do "extra" work is ridiculous.

SmileEachDay · 02/05/2020 12:43

The whole cohort is in the same boat OP - please don’t worry.

I’m a teacher - one of the things we’re working on is how to mitigate this gap in learning.

He’ll be ok.

SachaStark · 02/05/2020 12:45

Am a secondary school teacher, and this sounds totally fine to me... and he is kind of right about taking all the time out for breaks, corridor changes between lessons, time spent taking the resister and packing up 29 other kids, etc!

If he’s doing the work set, I’d leave him be.

If you’re very worried about doing extra, get him some stuff to make flash card key rings for each subject for revision, as some kids get a bit of a kick out of busy work like making flash cards whilst watching Netflix, etc, then he can keep them for Year 11.

PotteringAlong · 02/05/2020 12:45

Also, remember that a hour lesson isn’t really an hour. Say 3 mins to get between classrooms, 2 mins to stand behind chairs, sit down. 2 mins register. Anyway, you get my gist. Now, you’re not condensing all of the teaching into 2 hours, but it’s not nose to the grindstone for 9-3 either.

Pipandmum · 02/05/2020 12:50

My Y10 daughter is more stressed than me. Private school and full day of online learning now plus they've extended the term by two weeks to make up for extra long Easter break. Shes really hoping they can physically get back to school after half term as she thinks online learning is ok as far as it goes but not great for science, art and other more hands on work. I have told her she has a big advantage as many kids do not have as good an online set up but she feels they will fall behind. She is hoping that the grade boundaries will be lower next year to reflect the I consistent teaching.
Only you know your son - some kids pick up better and can get good grades seemingly without much effort - lucky them! If you are unsure of the amount ask his school, though presumably they are giving what they feel is the tight amount.
He will pick up on your stress and that won't help. If he has achieved good grades up to now he knows the kind of effort he needs to put in.

Humina · 02/05/2020 12:52

Mine has said that he finds it easier to work without all the endless and mindless disruption of fellow class members, so in some ways I wonder if he's actually doing more than normal!