What a lonely time this is.

[Blueskysunsout]

Because we have been in lockdown now for a fair few weeks there is now a lot of posts on social media with friends and fsmily of mine tagging all their family saying in need a big I miss you. I’ve never given tagged. It makes me feel so sad. I’ve a partner and two children (young teens) but I’ve no family and no close friends.

My mother lives less than a mile from me but I’ve been NC with her since last June. I don’t want to have a relationship with her so getting back in touch would be more anguish than actually NC she is never concerned for my welfare and tends to always bring the subject round to her own non existent problems, she isn’t interested in me and hasn’t contacted my children since we fell out- that has been a huge part of why I’ve not spoken to her for so long, she’s never been interested in my kids and it hurts so going back there is no option. My dp is from another country so no family here for him either.
When lockdown is over there is no big meet up for me, nobody is phoning me or checking up me. I’ve a large client base with my work so I’ve been messaging them to see how they are etc.
I felt like this at Christmas when families get together and this is now even worse just highlighting how alone I am.
I am from a huge family of cousins aunts etc but they all just ever bother about thier own immediate family. I’ve tried to fit in with one particular aunt, uncle and thier children who I was very close to growing up but I’m never included in their gatherings/catch ups nor have I been tagged in my cousins “I’m it’s you all can’t wait to see you” post tagging member of the family. I thought her and I were very close and she says she is closer to me than her own sister.
I don’t know what I suppose I’m looking for here but just to voice I’ve never felt part of a family and am a bit jealous of all those people with family to meet up with after this and hug/have a big catch up with. My life has only changed due to lockdown because I can’t go to work. I fell sorry for my kids. I’m glad I’ve had two they won’t feel like this when they’re older with their own families as I’ve no brothers or sisters.

for you OP. I know the feeling and it sucks. DP and I have v small families and he has a pretty strained relationship with his parents. I always feel sad when I see happy family posts on social media, it was a big factor in me stopping using SM really.

It is difficult unprecedented times at the moment. Is there anything you’d like to change about your life that you could work on? Make new friends through a new hobby or something like that?

OP I feel for you. I bet a lot of people would say you are so lucky because you have the people you most care about right with you in lockdown.

But this obviously has prodded the painful memories of your relationship struggles with your mum and I understand that. Remember, so much on social media is fake. And you should feel proud of how you are raising your children, showing them not to be treated badly.

@OccasionalNachos
I have made lots of friends through my job. I’m a hairdresser and meet up with some of the clients I’m friendly with often. I’ve been studying law for two years and have had no time between that and working to meet people in person so those friendships have cooled a bit.
@getupagain yes you’ve hit the nail on the head. This has brought memories up and I find myself loading the washing machine relaying a conversation with my mother from years ago or being utterly shocked that she’s not even text her grandkids to check thur are ok. My two went in to her a few times after the initial fallout but it was always them making the effort none from her so they stopped and she’s never got in touch with them.

You're not alone. I'm the same. NC with mother for 2 years, like yours she never even asked why I went NC I just changed my number and stopped talking to her. Waste of time.
Two kids also who only have each other. My family live abroad and never bother to visit me, unless I visit them, cousins, aunts, uncles seem close knit but I've always felt out on a limb by myself.
No siblings or father.
My in-laws are local but don't like foreign people it seems. Have tried so hard to get involved with the in laws and cousins for my kids etc but we're not special members of the inner circle.
I have a small handful of friends, it did make me really depressed at one point and I felt sorry for myself and my kids. There's freedom in this situation too, you realise that you don't actually need anyone to get by, and other people who are missing their group they rely on, are struggling. Yet who are we missing? Nobody. I've found lockdown quite nice actually, my life hasn't changed really.
Although I do feel sorry for people to be missing the friends and family, we don't have that problem. So every cloud has a silver lining.

@theemptywinebox. Are you me? we are in the same situation. I know the benefits are no one to rely on. And at Christmas I get sad but then come jan they’ve all fallen out with each other and that post on sm they had a big argument after it etc. Yes you’re right. I’ve got my dp and children here with me and I know I’m lucky for that. 💕

Would you try volunteering? I started volunteering for our local COVID-19 group and it’s become my little community. Plus the people you help are so grateful, it gives you the warm and fuzzies.

I agree social media is a devil for wrecking self esteem.

💐

@Flipper1234 I couldn’t volunteer. I’ve been 6 days a week between working and study so I’m catching up with everything that’s been bother me in the house. When I’ve had time when things were normal I do do a lot for my clients. I like helping people but used to commit to too much so I’m really enjoying this but if time for me.
I also have a lot of home study to finish my course and my two children need assistance with their work. My dd in particular as she was supposed to do exams but is now sitting timed assessments to be able to grade her. She needs a cattle prods to get her out of bed and study so that’s a full time job as it is.

I think a lot more people than you realise are in this boat, to some extent. My parents are dead and I have no family locally, but I came off SM (years ago now) for similar reasons.

I'm going through a tough time myself (Marriage collapse etc) but this time has been invaluable in helping me reconnect with myself and addressing issues I'd never really dealt with. The irony is I've never felt so free. In that sense, make the most of what this time can bring you in terms of personal growth.

I don't get sad at Christmas, we usually go to hotels for Christmas and end up meeting other people in our situation, sitting with them and our kids playing. We have even been to a few Church halls on Christmas day to meet people and always had a nice day. I think my kids will grow up with an independent attitude that variety is the spice of life.
They have school friends and playdates but as for family occasions, no big events. We have been purposely not invited to events with people saying they 'forgot' or tell us last minute when it's too late to actually arrange anything to go.
My husband has little contact with his family.
Anyway, my kids have been to local events set up at community centers and Christmas parties there, Halloween discos, summer BBQs they hold etc.
So we just talk to random people each time, and the kids play with other kids.
Reach out to your community centers, you might not make close knit connections but you will have a social life of sorts, and your kids will have that interaction.
Not much can be done at the moment but after this is all over start reaching out to the community ❤️ the world is your oyster 😊

I keep getting irrationally annoyed that nobody on Facebook has tagged me in any of the latest "challenges". The one with the "post an album a day for ten days' really appeals but nobody's included me!

I see all my mates and family getting tagged...what's wrong with me!?