To need strength to stay away from addict ex!

[Forgivenandsetfree]

I always thought of myself as a strong person...until I met my ex aged 17, he was 29. I didn't know it at the time, but he had a serious heroin addction, it wasn't until about 4 months later his mum said she couldn't stand it any longer and she was telling me as he had kept putting it off.
3 years later and I eventually started using too (why??!!) I dropped out of my last year of A level, attempted to work and maintain jobs, a couple I got away with and have good references, a couple I messed up and it just doesn't look good.
At one point we each went back to our parents to get clean and for almost over a year and a half I was, at this time I had a baby and of course, stress.
This is it now, we ended up using together and I can't believe I'm so stupid. I told all our family which he hates as now there is nothing to hide behind. He has gone from abusive to loving and back (a recurring theme in our 10 year relationship)
I'm not on day 5/6 out of a possible 10 rough days and of course struggling but feeling strong. Except he seems to think he's coming back after all this...and I don't want to. I finally feel free and myself again, although I do love him and feel bad.
AIBU to leave, or stay..
Also, please don't worry about DD she's totally fine, my mum's been here to help and she has everything she could want, she's also seeing 'daddo' at his parents where again, she has everything.

Firstly well done on taking the steps to recognise the issues and to get yourself clean! It sounds like you have the support from your mum with your dd but I think you need to completely end the relationship. It's going to be hard enough for you to get clean and stay clean without the stress and temptation of being exposed to an addict, let alone for you dd sake.

Your dd safety and wellbeing is paramount here and now you need to put her first. I know it's her dad but it's no good for her to be exposed to that. Its only a matter of time before she would get hurt or taken by SS if you continue to allow it.

Think about that live for you and you daughter or a better one. The first one involves you ex ( with a lot worse to come)
The second does not.
You are lucky not to have had your child removed and that's probably thanks to your mum.
Don't throw this back in her face for someone that offers you nothing.
I think he has become a habit just as much as the drugs have.... Do not let him back in.
You sound like you know all this really but are struggling move on for whatever reason.
Be brave, move on and create a good life for you and you daughter or things could go horribly wrong.
Good luck.

Well done! You need to break the cycle and work on getting yourself to a good place. He will only drag you back down.

Keep going you're doing great xxx

My mum and dad are pushing for a restraining order...I'm reluctant but I'm not exactly sure why..

Ask yourself if you want to live your life wondering where your next hit is coming from cos that's what will happen if you stay with this man. Sounds like you are ready to set yourself free but staying with him will hold you back no doubt about it.

Keep going, stay strong for your daughter and your mum. You will use again if you stay together. Imagine the life you could have, you cannot help him, you can only help yourself.

Imagine your life without your daughter and your parents taking a restraining order out on YOU.

Firstly: well done on taking the first step to sobriety. I would stay hang around people that will help your sobriety rather than hinder it

You can’t see him, talk to him or be with him in any way whatsoever. You quit using and you quit him- the two go together so there is no grey area.

Well done and make this the last time you get clean. Here’s to a better way of living.

well done on starting the way out, and I wish you the very best with that. Druggies support crime and murder and you are escaping that world. If he doesn't want to, never see him again. He either chooses the drugs or you - he's choosing the drugs. You are better than that. Your child doesn't have a choice so make the right choice for her. As you are doing.

A restraining order sounds like a good idea - your parents aren't addicts and will be seeing more clearly.

This man is your fix.
You see him you want him.
So you must never see him for your child's sake .

This is a similar story to a woman that went to my school. She lost her child. She ended up homeless and is now dead. She died at the age of 40 odd. She’d spent about 20 years addicted to drugs introduced to her by her boyfriend.
You either want your daughter and a decent life or you want yo be an addict, homeless, family disowning you, prostituting yourself a a box dying in the next 20 years. Your choice really.
The fact you don’t want a restraining order just shows you are putting your heroin addiction ahead of what’s best for your daughter!

Sorry for the typos!!

First of all, well done chick. I'm an opiate addict and on day 5 or 6 the emotional side of withdrawal will be coming out. Dont make any decisions yet. Just keep on keeping on for now.

Withdrawal from heroin is brutal. If you want to do cold Turkey that is your choice. Just be aware that drugs services are still accepting referrals and putting people onto scripts. I've been on subutex for 18 months, am starting reducing and am doing well. I know that I couldn't have withstood the pain of withdrawal although everyone is different

I'll dig out an na where to find. I'm unsure what area you're in but you can change the area and days setting to find online meetings close to you..
There are lots of womens recovery wattsapp groups I could add you to. Strong women who wr3 empowering and many ot whom have multiple years clean. They4w a great source of support. PM me your number and I can add you
Going to meetings with a baby is hard and that's the beauty of online meetings. There meetings all through the day- theres never longer than 30mins to wait before a meeting is on! Although you can do as much or as little as you like. You can keep your mic off and just listen if you like - I know women who've listened to meetings while feeding their baby or changing nappies or ironing or cooking tea etc. They will be a great source of support

Have you done The Freedom Programme? Do it online straight away, then after lockdown do it again in a group.

freedomprogramme.co.uk/index.php

ukna.org/online?title=&day=6&field_time_of_meeting_new__value=All&field_area_value=AR69970&field_naws_meeting_format_value=All&field_uk_meeting_format_value=All&field_open_temp_value=All&field_language_value=All&field_platform_value=All&field_audio_video_value=All

Also my darling, your story unfortunately isnt unusual. On those groups and meetings you will speak to women who have experienced the same as you with children's dads and can support you through it. They know what you're going through and their strength will help
I know it helps me

Well done OP for coming this far. For your own future and that of DD you need to use all of your strength to stay away from him. He will just lull you back into it. Your DD deserves better than that. Its good that your parents are supporting you. They must be frantic. Good luck. Go build a happy future.

Have pmd you some info

You're over halfway there, well done! This really is a turning point so its vital that you stay on track. Are you on a script? If not try to organise that, there will be a local substance misuse service offering phone appointments. Also look into organisations to support you with staying away from your ex, women's aid may be able to help. Maybe the freedom programme would be a good idea too. Do you feel like maybe your parents are being too harsh on him and you understand him better because you've been there yourself? Thats understandable as you have obviously been through a lot together and some of it must have been good but ultimately you have acknowledged here that he does not have a positive impact on your life so its important that you stay away from him. You can't save him, he can only do that for himself. You know that you are struggling at the moment and if you see him it is very easy to slide back into old habits which could ultimately result in your child being removed from your care and your parents turning their backs and then how much harder will it be to come back from that??

Thank you everyone, yes, no order has been put in place, as PP have said, I felt it was a harsh thing to do, I know him, he's all bark, but also, he's in a vulnerable pkacez remember, last time we got back together, he was clean with me then, just really struggling to start this time..once he does, I reckon it could go either way but if he goes back after that? He's a fool. Either way we aren't getting back together.

Your parents must be terrified that you will go back to him and they will lose you to your addiction and they must be absolutely furious at him for the abuse and for introducing you to heroin in the first place. You're not there yet, you've seen a side to him that they haven't but that doesn't mean that they are wrong or that that abusive and destructive side isn't there. You don't have to hate him like they do but you do need to protect yourself