ADVICE - Child maintenance when still together

[usernameannonymous]

Hi there, hoping to get a bit of advice about child maintenance money.
I'm expecting my first little one soon, babies dad and I are still together but we're not living together yet. Would I be unreasonable to ask him to pay child maintenance?
Has anyone else ever been in this situations and could give me their experience?
Thank you in advance

Eh? Why would you have to ask for child maintenance? Doesn't your partner want to pay for his own child?

@LagunaBubbles
No he's quite happy to pay, I just wondered what other peoples experiences of this are.
I know the government has a good calculator to work out how much should be paid and I know it depends on income but I was just wondering how much other DPs have paid?

Child maintenance is the minimum they can contribute-why would he want to provide the minimum required amount...or why do you think that's what he'd do?

Are you planning on living together?
What situation will you be in financially when you hace the baby?

I'd say all baby coats should be split down the middle OR joint account you both put into and get all baby stuff from there PLUS he should cover some of the drop in wages if you go on maternity leave

@Passtherioja
He doesn't have a stable income, he's recently got a job and hasn't been offered a permanent contract yet, it's under £10 an hour (which isn't bad money in my opinion).
I know that I'm getting the child benefit so I just feel guilty and not sure what amount would be reasonable. We're going to discuss it in person but I don't know how much is the 'norm'

@SleepingStandingUp
I'm not ready to move in together now, so it would be much later in the future (more than a year)

Financially I'll just be receiving child benefit and have the basic universal credit, I won't get maternity allowance as I'm not currently in work (reasons I'm not able to explain)
I'm going to be living at my parents house, they don't expect any rent which I'm very thankful for.
We're both quite young as well... just to add.
I'm not really overly keen on the joint account idea either, but that was a good suggestion.

Nor sure I'm getting why you feel guilty either, both parents are responsible for a child.

@LagunaBubbles
It's just my nature I guess

Will you be claiming benefit as a single parent?

Really as you are a couple his salary should just be available to the baby. The costs fluctuate so setting an amount might leave you short changed when expenses come up.

Will he be staying at your parents to help with baby? If so he might want to contribute to household costs to cover his share.

@Laaf80

If you mean child benefit, yes I will.
And no he won't be staying at my parents house.

Where does he live? What other outgoings does he have?

The govt child maintenance is absolutely minimum and doesn't generally cover half of the costs of raising a child.
Why don't you put a very basic budget together based on essential costs - nappies, formula, clothes, wipes, furniture/pushchair costs etc and then take it from there - bear in mind that costs will change over time as needs change, especially when you need to consider paying for childcare).

@ineedaholidaynow
I agree, I need a holiday too 😂
Anyway...

He still lives at home too and contributes £100 per month
Aside from that, he doesn't have any outgoings.

@RainbowMum11
The calculator is coming out £120 per month. Does that sound reasonable?
The bigger items (car seat/cot) we're discussing together and will pay half each (separate to any child maintenance money)

My DD is 7 now so prices will have changed, and also be wary of an arrangement that isn't flexible enough to adapt as your DC grows up and needs change,
Probably if you aren't paying rent and bills etc, and he is paying half towards all the big purchases, £120 should be reasonable yes.

Child maintenance is the absolute bare minimum he should be contributing.

I'm guessing he will have an income of around £1000 a month with £900 left after digs, he should be paying a lot more than £120 a month.

If he does not directly contribute more to the baby then there should be some kind of joint savings account where he puts in money to plan for your future together.

Gosh it all sounds complicated

I think it depends what your expecting to spend on your baby day to day. If you formula feed, it will be much more expensive than BF etc. As ypu don't have rent and bills and are going to split big purchases equally, I think £120 sounds reasonable to cover clothes, nappies wipes etc.
As you are not financially well off, I would advise you look for alot of those "big items" second hand. It is a waste of money buying them new. I wouldn't do it again if I as rich!

Personally I wouldn't ask for a set amount each month, I'd just ask for what I needed as and when. I don't think there's a need for a more formal arrangement if you're still together. Fair enough if that was to change and he's not willing to contribute towards what your child needs, it would be a different story and it sounds like he's happy to pay for his child.

If you're still together a half of everything would make more sense than a set amount to me. Especially as you don't have any housing cost for you and dc. Remember you'll get the child element of universal credit too which is a lot more than child benefit.

Personally I wouldn't ask for a set amount each month, I'd just ask for what I needed as and when.

I agree with this. You don’t live together but you’re a team (I’d hope) so sharing the cost of bringing up a child should be the most natural thing in the world. The CMS calculator gives the absolute bare minimum amount an NRP should pay so I would be less than impressed with that. Much like I am when anyone thinks a NRP should get a round of applause for paying it.

You're very much in danger of being taken for a mug. He'll have a lot more disposable income and personal freedom. He's getting a bloody good deal. Make sure that it isn't your parents picking up the slack. Especially your Mother.

But the baby isn't here yet and you'll realise why women change in attitude once they are left 'holding the baby'.

If it isn't a matter of you being disabled etc, then eventually you will need your own place and that means building savings. Don't rely on him, or let him short change you because 'he's saving', he can opt out at any point.

Child maintenance is the minimum. He should be picking up at least half of the baby's costs. Working doesn't get him out of being a parent, so he should be doing an amount of care as well.

Never mind what he earns, what he should be paying is half of what the baby costs you.

You say that you are "not ready" to move in together, but a baby is much more of a commitment than cohabiting is.

Some good advice in this thread. He should definitely be paying 50% of everything you need now, and then look at a proper arrangement as soon as possible.