To visit my parents during lockdown?

[timinginnit]

They are both sick. Long divorced and live with partners who are in reasonable health and able to help them.
My mum has cancer but she could have a few months left.
My dad is very frail. His doctor saw him today and thinks he is coming to the end of his life, but weeks probably rather than days.
I will ask them what they want me to do. I want to protect them from the pandemic but it feels fairly pointless at this stage.
I am being very careful but have close contact with others in my work.

In your shoes, if they wanted me to, I would.

Thank you:

I'm pretty strict when it comes to lockdown and have only left the house to shop and even then I'm masking up, dousing in hand sanitiser and washing all my groceries but end of life situations like this are where I am definitely going to break the rules here. My dad is dying of cancer and doesn't have much time left. Every day I speak to him on the phone it is clear it is coming.
He lives at the opposite end of the country. When the time comes I will be going down there, no matter what.

You have my sympathies. Covid-19 is making everything so much more difficult.

I would see them if they want to see you.

Thanks everyone.

I would see them. 100%

I would go and see them xx

One hundred percent would I go to see them.

I’d go.

@RebelWhoWashesFor19Seconds Please don't wait any longer.
When my Dad was dying, we were all certain he had months left, even the doctor who saw him hours before he passed. He was still walking around that day, caring for himself, living mostly as normal, if a tiny bit more frail perhaps but I was gobsmacked when I got the call. He went in his sleep.

I'm not trying to worry you, rather remind you that it's not always a straight slope. Personally, I'm your shoes, I'd go see him ASAP, sod the rules. Wear a beekeeping suit if you have to!!! You just never know with Mother Nature...

So sorry

Even my mum (they were still married) didn't spot any sudden decline. She thought he was having a lie in.......

Yes, I came in here to say 'if you don't mind the risk of killing them then go ahead' - but now I've read your OP, in the circumstances I absolutely would. The risk of shortening their life against the balance of risking the regret of not seeing them and spending time with them before it's too later, and giving them that comfort, then it's no contest imo.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are in this position. In your shoes I would see them - without a doubt.

Thank you all. I feel emotionally overwhelmed so it's really helpful to have others' perspectives, and your kindness too. Thank you.

Yes, I would most definitely go to them. I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

I visit my elderly parents every week, stay in the garden, have a chat & offer good do shopping (although they insist on doing their own - late 80s ).

YANBU

It’s fine. I visit my family that have been truly isolating as long as us (as in no shopping or anything). We can’t go from isolation to full contact anyway without some in between.

If either one was in a hospice then you'd be allowed to visit

Yes. Go.

I am so sorry that you are in this position, but yes I would visit without a doubt.

Please go OP. I'm a district nurse and we provide a lot of end of life care. I always tell families that those final weeks, days and hours are your time to come together as a family.
Thinking of you at this time ❤️

I agree with the poster who said to go sooner rather than leave it. The day my Mum died of cancer we'd been out everyday and on the day she died. From mid afternoon she got breathless. Early evening we got advice from her GP to go to hospital. She was becoming distressed, so agreed to a sedative. She died around 9.30 pm. My adult DDs didn't see her while she was able to communicate. Luckily my Sister did.

It wouldn't make sense not to go.

I would. No hesitation.
Both for your sake and for their sake.

Go. You’ll regret it forever if you don’t.