AIBU to actually want to have a day off and log off at the end of the day?

[upstar]

I'm working from home and have had no time off since the start of all this. Even during public holidays, weekends and evenings my colleagues are constantly messaging each other about work, things crop up and we all log on and no one EVER seems able to stop. My house is a mess and I'm getting really resentful. Managers are taking time off and telling us to do the same but there's a culture of presenteeism developing. We're not an emergency service, doing some essential work but nothing that needs us there 24/7.
Anyone else feeling the same pressure? Even now my messenger is buzzing with people saying what they are planning to work on this weekend!!!!

Yanbu OP

I've not had a two day weekend for more than 6 weeks now. I've worked 60 hours a week since then as well. (NHS) I'm exhausted and I still accidentally ended up working this evening, because I got a text to my personal phone and I didn't ignore it. I'm annoyed with myself but also with the fact that people send work stuff to my personal phone.

I am going to mute all notifications except from my boss on all my phone's for the weekend.

It's hard because there's always stuff that needs doing and there's always stuff that's important. But I'm also human and need to not have a catastrophic burnout.

@Merename that picture is fab!!! And is how all companies should be treating the current situation

My work sent an email the other day reminding us we are working from home and we should work our normal hours and try not to be distracted by kids, housework etc

If anything, the company I work for is putting gentle pressure on people to take holidays as normal. Lots of people are taking the odd day off, often using banked flexitime, but who wants a week's annual leave at the moment? They're worried everyone will want to take all their holiday in a rush when we go back.

@Fluffybutter Just because he's done it for a while, doesn't mean he's any good at it.... sounds like he's not!

I've been in telecoms (software, sizeable 7-8 figure contracts) and never had any issues. Once in a while I'll have to have a call at 8pm for intercontinental planning, but I won't ever accept a regular call outside work hours, only one-offs. He should stand his ground.

I've been vast-majority WFH for almost 15 years now, and I am quite good at it. Being hard with your end and start times is a major part of it. No "I'll just answer this email..." which can take two hours. No "it's just one 7pm weekly call..." or people will assume you're good for 7pm calls and plan you in accordingly. Send stuff to voicemail and check it in the morning.

I spend a lot of time - like Caspar's company - reminding my team to take holidays.

You are totally not unreasonable for this. If possible, when you are 'off duty', turn off any way people from work can contact you.

If that's not possible (someone earlier mentioned a colleague who may have to run things past them) say you're available on your personal phone. In my experience most people will only call you on your personal phone on your day off if they really do need you! If that's not the case for you then you'll have to implement something else but it's worth a go.

We all need a break!! I work 9 - 5 and I am still needing a few extra days off here, you must be totally worn out if you're not ever getting proper time off.

Be the one to make a change, I suspect others will follow you!

Oh, and having a hard stop point is really helpful - an actual thing you have to log off to do. Depending on lifestyle that can be kids, or something with you partner, or (if you're like me and alone!) planning to run/walk/starting cooking at X time. Then book it in your work diary if you won't follow it otherwise and actually stop to do it. By the time you've finished you'll hopefully be out of work mode and not checking on work stuff!

Be the difference. Say what you said here -" I can feel myself developing a presenteeist mentality; it's not good for me, my family, or the business, so I'm going to nip it in the bud. See you all Monday, 9.30. Bye!"

Be the first person in your messenger group to say "I'm signing off now till 9am Monday, I need a proper break, have a good weekend everyone" and turn everything off and make yourself uncontactable.

Do the same a few nights a week at 5pm "signing off till the morning now, have a lovely weekend all" and turn everything off.

Nobody is forcing you to work all day and night, you're choosing to. So just stop. It really is that simple.

YADNBU OP. Our place is similar, goes on about work/life balance, but you get people constantly messaging throughout the evenings/weekends. It's true that some may be lonely, and see colleagues as an extension of their social circle, but I am running myself into the ground & just want to turn off. I have left my work phone/computer in a cupboard and won't be turning them back on until Monday.

Ive set clear boundaries as ours was becoming like this. After my finish time i put phone on do not disturb, log off laptopn and do not look at messages til next working day. Ive told managers this and they respect it. We have one team member who can do nothing for himself and was calling people ln their day off at 8pm, unaceptable. He also had chats with our lovely IT girl in India when it was very late at night for her.

I have definitely worked more late nights since wfh but I am fairly good about it.

I delete the Microsoft teams app from my phone every Friday and download it again Monday morning. Also switch off all emails. No one is expected to be on call til late after hours thankfully.

You get paid to work set hours, dont repeatedly work for free and at the cost of your mental health.

I discovered recently that apparently we have an email curfew. It was news to me - at the moment I feel bombarded. Way worse since we started working from home - social media is obsessed with bloody sourdough and I'm wondering when I'll get the chance to make some (yes, I do know how lucky I am to still have a job). I don't really get why it's worse though - is everyone desperate to prove they're not slacking?

I approve of Maria53's severe methods! App deletion is a great choice for those apps crappy enough that you can't control their alerts :)

@SpoonBlender I’ve just clocked who you are .. first time I’ve ever recognised someone on mn .. the self righteousness gave it away

You need to set your own boundaries, and people will start to respect them. I work in an industry where it’s normal to work 9am-10pm or even later on occasion, but we all have a chat at the start of the project and share our personal boundaries e.g. I prefer to start early in the mornings and not work late, I prefer to have a long lunch break, I’d rather work on the weekend but finish early on Friday etc. And we agree rules such as if it’s after 6pm you’ll call someone if it’s urgent, otherwise assume they won’t respond until morning. Try and set this culture at your office. Particularly the phone if urgent rule - easy to put in place as you have the excuse that you’ll be cooking dinner and eating at some point so might miss it.

Now we’re working from home it is also the same. You need to remove your own expectations to check things too. If I finish at at 6 for example I just check my emails maybe once at 8pm and once at 10pm BUT I’ll only reply if it’s super urgent, not just random stuff that can wait. Although it can be handy if you’re worried about face time to reply to a few random quick things...So it’s up to you as well as your team. It will feel tough the first few days then you’ll realise the world won’t fall apart.

Also turn notifications off on your phone. Including the little red badges. That way you won’t be tempted to look at your emails/slack etc every time you pick up your phone outside of office hours. Again, at first it will feel scary “what if I miss something?!” But you’ll realise within a few days that actually, you won’t, and especially if people know to call you for urgent stuff that then you don’t even need to worry. I turned off my notifications when I was on holiday a couple of years ago, and when I came back was quite nervous but experimented with keeping them off and it’s fine, really.

Also agree that weekends are sacrosanct and you will only work if the world will end.

I work in a crazy business with lots of work obsessed people but the above rules make your life manageable, and unless you are an absolutely career obsessed individual you’ll also realise that the tiny risk of someone feeling you’re not pulling your weight is worth it.

We are being more than encouraged to take leave atm, if we don’t take a percentage by a certain date we lose it. It sounds bad, but it’s ensuring that the company can still function once this is all over, everyone going off for four weeks at the same time would destroy the company. We’re not being furloughed and no one has been made redundant, but they’re encouraging new initiatives and making changes, company wide sacrifices, to ensure we all still have jobs

I reconise what you are saying OP. I am not helped by my line manager who freely admits she has nothing else to do so sees no problem with phoning me on my day off.

I am NHS and working from home. Every day I set my out of office to say I won't be checking my emails until the next morning and I don't check them at the weekend. My role isn't vital for patient care, but it is vital for staff welfare, so my out of office gives my work mobile number to ring in case of emergencies. I got a call yesterday evening which meant another hour on the laptop and the phone sorting something out, and will mean another hour today, but at least I don't check my emails all the time and knowing that people will contact me if they absolutely have to gives me peace of mind. Otherwise I would be worrying that I had missed something important, as has happened in the past. So it's a compromise for me. I can be contacted if necessary but I don't feel that I am 'on duty'.

Mine is like this at the moment but only because everyone is trying to maximise their year end billing figures. I'm going to take some time off after the deadline on Monday.

We did have an email last week saying that if anyone wants to take unpaid leave or a sabbatical then now is a good time! Who wants to take a sabbatical in their own house?!