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AIBU?

to expect MIL not to interrogate DW about her movements?

18 replies

UnquietDad · 16/09/2007 22:45

It happens every time we go away, or go out, she goes out. It's like she is still 14!

If DW has not been "bigging up" the weekend/ evening for weeks beforehand, and did not give MIL exact notice of time of return and a full debrief as soon as we get in, then we find 6 messages on the answerphone (increasingly brief, with the effect that the fourth is "Aren't you in or what?", and the fifth and sixth consist of "Humph!" and the sound of a phone being slammed down).

If we should happen to have been socialising with friends she has not heard of, she gets the third degree about who they are, where they are from, how we know them... She is most miffed if we have arranged something without her knowledge and doubly miffed if it's with someone who doesn't immediately fit into a little box!

If she has called and we weren't in, the conversation always starts with "Where were you?" And "Oh, just out" is IN NO WAY an acceptable answer. It leads to excessive miffery and likely slamming-down of phone.

Do your mothers do this??

My mum, on the other hand, just says something like "Did you have a nice weekend/evening, then?" and although I know she is angling for full details I don't mind telling her as she doesn't make a big thing of it.

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blousy · 16/09/2007 22:47

Are you my husband?!

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madamez · 16/09/2007 22:47

How does your DW feel about it, though? If this is just the way she and her mum have been all her life then she probably doesn't mind too much because she's used to it.
Of course, it could also be the case that your MIL is lonely and bored and needs more interests in her life (does she have a DH/DP living with her)?

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TellusMater · 16/09/2007 22:51

My mum doesn't do this.

My MIL on the other hand interrogates DH with ruthless intensity about his job every time we see her. She wants to know everything. She can't understand a word of it, because it is hugely technical, but will not be fobbed off with general chit chat.

Why?

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UnquietDad · 16/09/2007 22:52

Yes, MIL is surrounded by people - two of her other children and theirt families live in home town and ar alwayds popping in, she has her DH and I think they have a pretty full life for 70-year-olds. I think she just likes "keeping tabs"!

And yes, it's always irked DW, but it has got worse since she "left" and "moved away". MIL is convinced that she is going to come back "home" one day. Even though our life and friends and children's schools and friends are all here.

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mawbroon · 16/09/2007 22:52

YANBU at all.

She needs to butt out. Or perhaps your DW could just start telling her the most outrageous things she can think of.

Like, oh yes, you would like our new friends, we met them whilst swinging, although Bert is abstaining at the moment until his syphillis is cleared up.

HA HA HA see her face then.........

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sparklygothkat · 16/09/2007 22:53

not my mum, but my MIL is terrible, if she can't get hold of us, she will leave loads of messages and keep trying the mobiles.

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AbRoller · 16/09/2007 22:54

lol Blousy If my dp hadn't been sitting beside me at this very moment I would have sworn he had started this thread!

I have no advice I'm afraid but you have my sympathy. My mother is the very same if not worse. She has tantrums bigger and louder than I ever remember dd having at 2 and 3yo.

I wish you luck and serenity UD

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UnquietDad · 16/09/2007 22:55

Do any of you think you will do this when your daughters are 36?

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rantinghousewife · 16/09/2007 22:58

No! I shall be swanning about spending her inheritance.

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LadyOfTheFlowers · 16/09/2007 22:59

My mum doesnt do it ALL the time, but sometimes.
Dh's mum does it ALL the time, but she can't as much now as she is in spain!
Woo-Hoo!

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UnquietDad · 16/09/2007 23:01

It's weird, though, she gets particulary irked by the mention of the names of friends she has not met. As if a thirtysomething woman will never have friends that her mother has not been introduced to!

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MrsSpoon · 16/09/2007 23:01

My Mum can be a bit like this. Once there was something wrong with our phone and it wasn't ringing in the house, from my Mum's end it sounded just like we weren't answering, she tried all throughout the evening and then periodically through the night. By the time I picked up her messages she had us dead and was planning the funerals.

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blousy · 16/09/2007 23:01

I'm 37 and my mum does just this. If she phones and we're not back from wherever, she convinces herself we've been killed in a car crash or we're all in the hospital! God forbid I ever forget to phone her once we get to our holiday destination or get home after a weekend away..Quite often we come home to several answer phone messages that just consist of sighing!

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mawbroon · 16/09/2007 23:03

It sounds really controlling UnquietDad. As if she hasn't let go of her little girl and acknowledged that she is independent.

Does it bother your DW?

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rantinghousewife · 16/09/2007 23:04

Actually on a serious note, my mil does do this. My own mother doesn't. If we happen to be out she'll phone one of our mobiles and go, anything wrong, you're not at home!

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UnquietDad · 16/09/2007 23:04

MrsSpoon's story reminds me of one of ours. Once we were travelling to a family wedding which the MIL was going to be at too, and we had been instructed to keep in mobile contact all the way. DW's mobile was dead and mine couldn't get a signal, and we got stuck behind horrendous farm traffic (it was Norfolk) and were about six hours late. She was in pieces!! And this was only the night before the wedding - it wasn't like we risked missing it or anything!!

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alycat · 16/09/2007 23:13

My MIL is a little like this with my DH.

He travels overseas quite a bit and if he doesn't phone her to tell her the plane didn't crash/wasn't hijacked by terrorists she'll call him - in the middle of his night - 'just to check'.

She also wants to know the ins and outs of the cats backside as far as our lives go - for this I blame my DH and feel that the umbilicus really should have been severed 47 yrs ago!!

We now do not tell he when he is away, although that does mean he gets random wake up calls, it stops her pestering the daylights out of me as I am an adult, I have lots of friends and do not need her to keep me company and can cope very well on my own with my children!!! (She hasn't noticed this and it wouldn't have been long before I told her to get knotted!)

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ninedragons · 17/09/2007 04:28

Yep, par for the course.

I have a cold, and spent half an hour on the phone yesterday with my mum being told to drink lots of fluids (but not acidic fruit juice) and eat a little bit of easily-digested food (no dairy or chocolate, just a little bit of fruit or something) and take Monday off work. And see a GP if it goes to my chest.

Thanks mum. I'm 36 and this "cold" thing is entirely new to me.

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