To ask if you're a blended family, how is that reflected in your wills?

[ElephantsAlltheWayDown]

Just that really. There's a deal on wills at the moment and my husband and I really need to make ours. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and we have a child together as well. We're going to sit down together soon and I was just wondering, for those who are in blended families, how did you handle your wills? Do they mirror each other or is yours different than your spouse's? Are different amounts left to each child? What is reasonable to expect?

(Personally I hope/assume we'll treat both children equally in both of our wills, but I want to check my thinking on this first.)

Minty, that's so sad. I can't imagine hating the children of the person I loved so much (or being married to someone who hated my kids so much...).

My husband dealt with something similar (it wasn't malicious but still caused a lot of hurt feelings). He and his siblings were supposed to inherit their mother's share of her house, but after her spouse died years later nothing came of it. It's not clear whether her wishes were ignored or if there was some different reason, which never made sense to me and I found it frustrating, because why couldn't they check her will or raise it with the executor? Why wasn't it clear what happened? But they decided to drop it and ah well, not my business, not my problem.

@TimeIhadaNameChange That’s a lovely thing to say. I don’t know how true it is - I think I just got very lucky! DS14 doesn’t need to hide the fact he adores them, he doesn't feel guilty about his relationships with them (or his relationship with DH) and that makes my heart fill with pride; for all that it hurt separating when we had a small child, I know we’ve done a sterling job with him between the four of us.

We’ve been married 20 years, I have one adult child, he has three. They regard each other as siblings. We have mirror wills which leave our estate, which includes a substantial amount inherited from my parents, divided four ways.

I think some of this may depend on age of SC when the family became blended?

So my sister has 2 kids with her dh. He has 2 older kids. Sister leaves her money to her 2 only. Her dh splits his money between his 4 kids. There is some sort of thing in the will that if he dies first his money is protected for his older kids. So some money will go to them at that point but they won’t get 25% of the house as my sister may still be alive....but she can’t leave his share of the house to her kids only when she dies. Hope that makes sense.

The SC were 14 and 16 When my sister moved in with her now dh and They barely spent Any time there. She barely knows them. Now if they’d been younger and spent EOW maybe she would have felt differently.

She also felt that she came into the marriage with her own money/houses and feels this is “hers” rather than a marital asset and doesn’t want her wealth to be left to people she barely knows. Also the SC will probably benefit from their mother’s will. So why should they benefit from 3 peoples wills when my sisters kids don’t have a third person to leave them money.

It sounds like all the children mentioned in the thread are quite young and that the couples have been together for a long time.
My situation is very different. We both had adult children when we met, I have two and he had three. Of the five adult children two spend regular time with us (pre CV19) together with their partners and families. One of his left the country many years ago with DH's ex as she wanted a fresh start overseas. Two chose to stay with him. My two lived with me with no input from their dad. My two were being a bit difficult before I even met DH. DH has never even met one of my ACs. He did met the other one but my AC was not being pleasant and he was not impressed. I was embarrassed. There were further incidents of shouting and swearing and demanding. It was not until I was taken ill and my own ACs were to busy to even call round.
DH and I are older than most on this thread and yet have not been married very long and there is no chance of joint children. We both have properties and a joint property. He has businesses and both have a fair bit of savings.
It is hard to decide what to do. I certainly don't feel like rewarding the nasty behaviour. I don't know what to do about adult step children some who I know and one I have never met. It is quite the dilemma and I am still thinking it all over.

"I've purchased the wills but he looks like a deer in the headlights every time I bring up the fact that we need to sit down and sort it out. I think he's a little freaked out by it. Hopefully I can pin him down soon!"

Please don't try to write your own DIY wills regarding children and stepchildren. Any mistakes or fudged terms risk voiding the will.

If you wait until Will Aid Week in autumn you can have one properly drawn up by a solicitor in exchange for a contribution to charity.

www.willaid.org.uk/

OP says there’s a deal on wills. It’s through the British Legion, I think. All done by solicitors.

There has been quite a few threads on this recently. At the end of the day your DD isn't your DHs - she does have her own father in her life who she can reasonably expect to inherit from therefore you can't place any expectations on your DH to leave an equal share of his assets to both her and your joint child.

@ElephantsAlltheWayDown did you know you can read someone's will? They are available online and you have to pay £10 to download it. Your husband might find that useful.

HollowTalk, thank you, this was in the US but I'm certain they have a copy of the will. I honestly think it was too overwhelming for them to deal with, but discussing it with DH has inspired him to have another look.

My will is that everything of mine goes my husband and then to my biological daughter.

His is that it all goes to me and then is split between his 2 children (one of which is my biological daughter).

My step daughter benefits from her mums will entirely as an only child.

@Frankola, do you mean that your husband will have a life interest in your share of the property, but will be owned by your daughter, or are you trusting him to leave your share to her in his will if you die first?

I was the child of a blended familt. Everything is split equally between us and I think this right as we were all under 10 when our parents married, we all lived together and the marriage is now nearly 49 years old. I am widowed and if I marry again I will expect to ring mark everything I come into a marriage with for my children who are older teens and anything acquired together to be split equally between all children. Would expect my partner to do the same.

I think my children's father has left them his estate including hsi hose where he and his new wife live (but not his pension) and his second wife has left hers including her flat to her adult child. That is probably unusual but as his family live to over 90 it is fairly likely he will die well after her anyway. I certainly want my children to get 100% and don't even want to move a man here never mind marry one.

My will is that everything of mine goes my husband and then to my biological daughter.

But what happens if your husband is with another woman after you die and moves her into the house? What happens if they marry and she outlives him?

It's all a minefield, isn't it!

I’m not worried about it. My lot tend to live to be very old, his die in their 70s. Even if I outlived him, nobody else would have him!

If he outlived me! Fingers can’t keep up with brain!

@ElephantsAlltheWayDown a life interest. It will be my daughters. The same the other way. That way we know all wishes will be followed through.

We have mirror wills which split everything between DH's daughter and our daughter together. I've known stepDD since she was 1 and we got married when she was 3. I love her as much as my own.

StepDD's mum hasn't seen her for years so we don't know if stepDD would inherit from her. Even if she did, it wouldn't be a large sum. If this was different, we might think differently.

I have dcs with Dh and a dsc. Everything of mine will be split between my biological dcs and everything of dh's will be split between his biological dcs. Dsc won't inherit from me but they will inherit from their mum.