To ask who signed the extension of mat leave and why?

[Tjsmumma]

Self explanatory really..

If you signed it why? Why do you feel you and entitled to more time paid? Do you think being in lockdown is more of a right to more time of PAID than people who have babies who are delivered early or need NICU stays?

I am myself on maternity with a 19 week old and i still do not think its fair to say 'i need more time off paid because i wasnt able to go to a mother and baby group' theres plenty of time to go after.

I can sort of understand if you are due to go back and cant find child care but surely you can be furloughed or claim SSP/Benefits during this time like the rest of the country?

[Fedhimtotigers]

@Blueberry2020 I'm sorry but again. None of what you have written should entitle anyone to extended Mat leave.

There is literally no justification for what is being asked.

Things are shit. No shit 🤷‍♀️

I find is disgusting that this is being pushed right now.

[Tjsmumma]

@Blueberry2020 Im sorry to hear that but tbf you havent even got DC here yet, yet you want more time??

[Fedhimtotigers]

@Hampsand Now that is a worthy petition. Signed.

[Naithnira]

Grabby and selfish. I got zero paid maternity leave because my employer made an excuse to sack me as soon as I got pregnant. I certainly didn’t have a fabulous time with my new baby because I was too broke to go to any groups. Should I have asked for a freebie from the government too?

[islandislandisland]

@twins2019

[Tjsmumma]

@twins2019 Im so sorry to hear your story! But this is exactly what i meant its absolutely absurd to think people are entitled to more time just because of covid when people go through way worse!! Its ridiculous and so bloody entitled it makes my blood boil also!

[Blueberry2020]

@Fedhimtotigers

I didn’t sign it anyway I don’t think. If I recall I read it and it seemed too focussed on free money which I didn’t agree with. I was surprised to see it all come up again today.

I do think there has to be extra support there in one way or another as people are struggling mentally through this, at a time when they are known to be vulnerable anyway. Whether or not extra time would help this, I don’t know but I can see that it could.

[fivesecondrule]

I didn't have my children during a pandemic so no I don't understand how it must feel having a newborn at this time. My pp simply stated that my friend was having quite a lovely time with her DH being off. In contrast when I had my DD1 my DH had to leave to work in an overseas country when she was 10 days old for several weeks. So yes I do know how it feels to be isolated with a baby. I didn't have any family near by either so her situation to me does sound very lovely and I don't begrudge them a second.
I'm now parenting a teenager and a child through a pandemic- will schools open in summer so they can make up for lost education absolutely not (and rightly so), my business that I've built up over the past 10 years has been all but alliterated, my husband lost a close family friend and only 5 people were allowed at his funeral, we were devastated not to say goodbye, on top of me losing my business my husband has taken a 20% wage cut to keep his business afloat.... we all have a story.

[Tjsmumma]

@Naithnira exactly, think we should start a petition for all mothers to get extra maternity, because no maternity is easy! Plans dont go ahead, its a shame but being a mother isnt easy at any point!

[Merename]

The main reason I wouldn’t sign that petition was because of the argument that babies need groups to develop. That’s just nonsense for under ones. The science about brain development shows that what baby needs developmentally at that stage is quality interaction with a few core caregivers. They are stimulated by watching the washing machine, watching trees, buses go by etc. They are just discovering the world. Maybe the person starting this really believes their baby needs groups, but imo they are wrong, and I’d be more interested in a petition that was honest about it being about mums wants and needs. (Which are important too and lead to happy baby of course).

[Fortheloveofscience]

I signed it.

My DH and I are both key workers so have a definite nursery place, but I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea that DD will go straight into full time nursery having literally only seen myself and DH for months. A little time to get her used to the presence of other people again would be really useful. But it definitely shouldn't be full pay. SMP at most or even unpaid just guarantee that jobs will be kept open.

[Blueberry2020]

@Tjsmumma

I do have children here. Which is why I can compare my experience in these last eight weeks to previous times and can see the huge impact it is going to have on the mental health of some.

However, as I said the petition makes no difference to me (I don’t even think I signed it because if I recall correctly I didn’t like the emphasis on money). I am self employed. I had never planned to take a full year off so extra time won’t make any difference. I had planned to work KIT Days that would pay me my usual day rate, some of which will likely still happen, others won’t as clients have cancelled or delayed. That element is crap but it’s the same any self employed person is facing.

However I have empathy for other mums because I do think this is going to have a huge impact on the mental health of many. I have mental health support starting in a few weeks fortunately so I’m fine.

[Lovewinemorethanhusband]

I haven't signed it andt friends are bugging me to but i went backt o work from maternity leave 2 days before they brought in lockdown, i couldn't afford anynore time off, i alrwady had 9 months paid and 1 month unpaid at that point, i just dont think it should be extended, i went to baby groups etc and had to gice them uo to go back to work, my youngest was going to my dads to be looked after and he was so excited to have her, i now work from home with 3 children! My husband is a key worker who is working full time still. One of my friends is juat starting her unpaid leave as is kicking off about missing groups etc but her girl is nearly 9 months so had enough time, i feel sorry for people just having babies that family and friends can't meet etc. Uk women are so lucky with maternity leave that actually we should just be grateful for what we've got!

[Thefaceofboe]

It’s nonsense. I feel sorry for the mums who are robbed of maternity leave with seriously ill premature babies, not the ones who have to stay at home and watch tv.

[twins2019]

@tjsmumma we had a rough road but my overwhelming take on my maternity leave and "story" is I'm just so bloody grateful. Grateful we have an nhs, grateful I had the time away from work to come to terms with what happened and love on my babies and keep safe and grateful that I had a supportive business to go back to.

[MintyMabel]

@twins2019

❤️

When you’ve sat watching your preemie struggle in an incubator for weeks on end, you really know what it’s like to “lose” your maternity leave.

Eleven years on, I still carry a stock of hand gel!

I hope your twins are doing fine now.

[Tjsmumma]

@Blueberry2020 i never said it wouldn't, but, becoming a mum increases that chance anyway. It's difficult but sitting at home for another couple of months surely isn't going to help that?

@Fortheloveofscience i get that, but how old is your DC? Are you saying they have had no time prior to it or after? Some DC never see others or socialise with other children before going to nursery its the way of the world unfortunately. Yes jts crap but cant be helped. Its the full mat pay that gets me, you don't agree to it fully but still sign it? Children adapt and manage trust ne ive worked with plenty over the years with different backgrounds and they cope. In fact children with a strong bind with primary caregiver struggle more!

[twins2019]

@MintyMabel thank you for asking - they are doing incredible. 14 months old and they took their first steps (together!) last week - I think I managed to breathe out for the first time since they were born. It felt like we made it - all the big milestones have been managed and exceeded expectations without even adjusting their age too much.

I still dream of the nicu. I think about the other mums and their little ones - those who made it and those who sadly didn't most days. Carrying it with us and knowing how lucky we are has given us a deep sense of perspective that is so lacking in this petition.

Try having to ask permission to touch your baby then tell me with a straight face how tough it is missing out on coffee with your mummy friends....

[PinkDaffodil2]

It makes me feel a bit rubbish tbh - I’ve chosen to go back early due to covid (junior doctor) and people petitioning for more maternity leave makes me wonder if I’m a crap mum for running back to work when clearly others feel they need / deserve more time off.
My little girl is well cared for, she’s loving lockdown and gets to see Daddy loads. We’re super lucky that we have secure jobs and the drop in pay due to mat leave had been planned and budgeted for. I’m super lucky I could afford to take 10 months in the first place!
Also it’s been a great time for sleep training / getting a food routine because there are zero distractions or plans getting in the way.

[Tjsmumma]

@Lovewinemorethanhusband i totally agree! In America it is 6 weeks!

@pinkdaffodil2 no dont you ever feel bad! You are doing the best you can for DC, thsts all that matters. Think people are hust trying their luck.

@Thefaceofboe oh definitely i think its down right ridiculous but seems over 160k people disagree!

@twins2019 im so glad to hear that! And you are SO right with everything you say. Sitting at home with DC is not bad, MH will arise at any point and is bound to regsrdless of circumstances!

[NannyPear]

PinkDafoddil2
This is my point, too.
The way many of the supporters of this petition are talking, you'd think I was a terrible mother and my boys have missed out on life! DS2 never went to baby classes. We have no extended family nearby so neither child has close bonds with anyone other than us. DS1 spent the first 6 months of his life stuck to me because I was all he ever wanted. I went back to work earlier than I could have because I was on SMP from day 1 and couldn't afford otherwise.

I've seen a comment on the house of commmons Facebook post saying they were "deprived" of going to baby groups, socialising with other mother's etc. The whole thing screams of people not knowing how privileged they are.

[Louiselouie0890]

The whole, need time to adjust i think is nonsense. That doesnt just apply to babies, that's all kids in all different situations. Nursery kids that got stopped short and could possibly be put into full time school after getting comfortable again staying with there parents. Reception year where its mostly play will go up into year 1 un-prepared. Year 11s being dropped into the adult world. Year 6s being moved to high school. It could apply to a thousand things I dont see it as a justifiable reason.

All kids are having to adjust. I actually think older babies/toddlers kids will find it harder than a baby as they dont understand what's happening and have had there lives disrupted more. It's very hard to explain to 2/3 year old.

All kids are suffering not just babies we cant give it to everyone with a kid.

[TheOneAndOnlyPedroPony]

What I find worse than the petition (which I really don't care about particularly either way) are the attitudes of half of the people on threads like this. It honestly makes me resent women as a group. It's the same with breastfeeding vs bottle feeding, SAH parenting vs using nurseries, and it's just fucking tedious to listen to.

Just because you don't agree with something, doesn't mean you have to rip into that person and tell them that they're selfish and stupid. Some people will agree with the petition. This is fine. They are allowed an opinion. Just the same as your opinion is that it's silly.

At the end of the day, if it's passed and you're against it, just go back to work. If you're for it, take the 3 months and enjoy (hopefully) having some freedom to get out with your baby. If it's not passed, then anyone who is against it can be happy, and anyone who is for it will just have to think about other ways to improve their situation.

We can be, however, supportive of one another. Accept that we have different views. I'm absolutely fed up of watching a minority of women have to rip others down because they have this overwhelming attitude of I didn't have it and I struggled so so should you. Or my personal favorite of I'm so much more morally superior to you because I think this way and I'm such a martyr to the motherdom cause. It's fucking pathetic and it's such a bizarre mindset to actively want others to be in a shit situation just because you were. Or to act high and mighty because you think your opinion is better than someone else's.

Mumsnet is so far removed from the real world sometimes, it genuinely boggles the mind.

[Yurona]

@T0rt0ise none of these things would happen anyway. There is one HV visit that consist of them reading a checklist and disappearing. Afterwards you can call them, but no visit. Nobody looks at your c section wound after you are home, 6 week check with the GP doesn’t exist in many areas, and BV support is usually either “ you just need to,try” or “give a bottle”. All other information you would have to find online anyway.
I’m not saying this is good (it isn’t), but you aren’t missing anything (i mad my youngest 3 years ago, so way before the epidemic)

[Tjsmumma]

@TheOneAndOnlyPedroPony To be honest, i do think putting more unnecessary strain on the government and thinking people on Mat leave are entitled to more time off due to not being able to socialise with others when people are dying, risking their lives and much more to argue against it with. Is, absolutely pathetic. I don't really care what anyome else thinks or if they disagree. Its a ridiculous petition and people are showing how entitled they really are considering everything going on. Im not saying i want anyone in a shit situation at all, im saying that things could be a lot worse and we should be sitting grateful of our precious DC im sure if we had the choice we would take the rest of our lives off to watch them grow.