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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it bad to be this way?

61 replies

RoseColouredLunettes · 30/04/2020 11:53

I was recently made aware by someone I don't know very well that I don't seem to care about anything. Although they meant it as a compliment, because they think I'm a positive, happy and content person, their words did make me wonder whether or not they are right. I think they are. For example, I don't know much about what goes on at my workplace unless things directly affect me. I also don't read the news, consume social media much (only to stay in contact with family and friends) or get involved in other people's problems and business. I also don't enjoy reading much, because I generally just don't care what others have to say (unless I love and care about them).

Is it bad that I don't care about much outside of my own bubble and social circle? I don't know why I feel like I probably should care more. But I also can't think of what I would really benefit from doing so? As things are now, I am indeed positive, happy and content with my life. I'm not a bad or malicious person towards anybody, I just mind my own business a lot more than the average person, I guess.

OP posts:
Lilolily · 30/04/2020 11:56

I think that’s a very good way to be! Don’t change a thing. Be you. X

Original poster
RoseColouredLunettes · 30/04/2020 12:04

Thank you @Lilolily! I just can't help but wonder if I should feel passionately about something that's outside of my own little world so I'm not such an outsider (at work, for example). Even if I do like being an outsider.

OP posts:
tillyteatowel · 30/04/2020 12:04

That does sound quite extreme to be honest, but if you’re happy and not harming yourself or others then what’s the harm.

Original poster
RoseColouredLunettes · 30/04/2020 12:10

Thank you for your feedback @tillyteatowel.

OP posts:
Lailaloo747 · 30/04/2020 12:11

You sound a bit like me! I don’t have Facebook/Twitter/Instagram because I don’t care what my friends from primary school are having for dinner....
I’m not interested in gossip, I don’t care who’s sleeping with who and why...unless of course it affects me directly.
I do keep up to date with the news but only ‘proper news’ I don’t wanna know how the people from TOWIE are keeping their bottoms firm in lockdown.
I’m happy with me, my OH is happy with me and so are my DC so I have no plans to change!

Original poster
RoseColouredLunettes · 30/04/2020 12:14

Thank you @Lailaloo747. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who is this way and that you are happy with yourself and your family just as you are!

OP posts:
SquirrelFan · 30/04/2020 12:16

Well, I guess if you're a voter you should have some basic knowledge of current affairs, and if you're a parent, you should have an ear out for what might affect your DCs in the medium term. Otherwise, you sound pretty healthy!

ThinkPink71 · 30/04/2020 12:19

Good on you!! I think it can be damaging to be affected by external circumstances so I also try to just focus on my friend & family and not take on the worlds problems x

Original poster
RoseColouredLunettes · 30/04/2020 12:23

Thank you @SquirrelFan. You are right, and I do exactly that: keep up with the things that directly affect me and my family. But I'm not politically interested at all and don't always vote for that reason. When I have voted I have just had a quick look at what parties' main causes are.

OP posts:
Original poster
RoseColouredLunettes · 30/04/2020 12:25

Thank you so much @ThinkPink71. I agree with you completely, and I'm happy to hear you do your best to focus on your own and your loved ones' best interests.

OP posts:
Delbelleber · 30/04/2020 12:34

I am quite similar and I just like to keep myself to myself. The less of the outside world getting in my bubble the better!

fivesecondrule · 30/04/2020 12:36

No I think you are absolutely 100% correct to be this way. I have in the past been the opposite of you- worried too much about other people, how they thought of me etc- I decided about 18 months ago just to concentrate on my family and the friends I care about rather than the hangers on/ always wanting something from me but don't want to give back, and my life is much much better.

Bumsnet1 · 30/04/2020 12:36

It is only a problem if you’re that way due to selfishness. Do you help others? Are you a supportive friend and family member? If yes, then I personally wouldn’t stress about it. I think it’s quite refreshing not be concerned about social media, etc.

squashyhat · 30/04/2020 12:39

My DH is like this and while I wouldn't say I'm overly invested in other people's business it makes it quite hard to chat with him.

He never sees or shares any funny memes, leaves it to me to respond to WhatsApp messages on shared groups, never has an opinion on other people's thoughts or feelings, reads the same few books over and over again, leaves it up to me to suggest Netflix choices etc.

But if it's a topic that he brings up that he's interested in he can hold forth for hours and it ends up being a lecture rather than a conversation because I just tune out. His favourite phrase is "the key point is....". Yes I know what it is because you have told me at least 3 times. Being able to hold a light - dare I say trivial - conversation is a much underutilised skill in this household Sad

Bluntness100 · 30/04/2020 12:39

I also don’t think it is an issue. It would not be for me, and I doubt I’d have much in common with someone who was so locked out of the wider world, with no interest in it, but if you’re happy then that’s all that matters.

Original poster
RoseColouredLunettes · 30/04/2020 13:11

Thank you everyone for your feedback. Your comments have reassured me that it's not necessarily a bad thing to not care about "outside" things.

I would like to add that there is a difference between being careless and anti-social. I would have a hard time coping with people that aren't chatty and have no interest in or opinion about anything, too. I didn't mean to give the impression that being careless is the same as being anti-social and uninterested.

OP posts:
1066vegan · 30/04/2020 13:14

I think that it's fine to be uninterested in workplace gossip and social media media. You have friends and family that you care about; that's far more important.

But I do find it very frustrating when people say that they never watch the news, aren't interested in politics or don't vote (I realise that you said that you don't always vote rather than you never vote).

Politics affects all of our lives. It affects your life and the lives of those you care about.

Should taxes be raised to pay for more public services or lowered so that we have more money at the end of each month and can choose how to spend the money that we've earned? If there isn't enough public money to pay for everything we would like, then what should we cut back on? Education? NHS? Benefits for pensioners or people who are too ill or disabled to work or people who work hard but don't earn enough to live on? Adult social care?

Was it right to legalise gay marriage or ban hunting or ban smoking in enclosed public spaces? Should capital punishment be reintroduced, euthanasia legalised or the abortion laws tightened or relaxed? Should the voting age be reduced? Do we have too many bank Holidays or not enough? Do workers lack the protection they need from exploitative employers or do they have so many rights that you can't get rid of a workshy employee? Should we ban SATs because they cause unnecessary stress or keep them because they are a valuable way of measuring progress and holding schools to account.

These are all political decisions and there are countless other ways in which our lives are affected by the decisions that are made at both a local and a national level.

BlingLoving · 30/04/2020 13:48

I don't think it's bad for a particular individual to be like this and you sound like you are perfectly happy.

But we would be in trouble if everyone in society was like you because if that happened societal/economic/political change wouldn't happen, people who are struggling wouldn't get helped, we wouldn't have people interested in stepping up as leaders (in business, politics, social affairs etc), society would stagnate as there wouldn't be enough discourse and thinking etc.

The point is that a healthy society has lots of different types of people in it. And people who are happy to go with the flow, contribute in their daily normal way, get stuff done accordingly but who don't find or add to the daily conflict are needed.

Bluntness100 · 30/04/2020 13:52

Op how can you say you would have a hard time coping with people who have no interest or opinion on anything? If you don’t watch the news, read, look at social media, know what’s going on in your work, how can you have an possibly opinion on anything yourself?

Thesnacklady · 30/04/2020 14:16

Ahh this resonates with me. I can honestly say I am a bit like this. However for me it’s more an issue I have with things like social media where there is so much sharing of misinformation. People will say to me but wouldn’t you rather be informed? But being informed is no good if the majority of what you are fed are lies and conspiracy theories.

Choose your sources wisely filter out the things that are not important to you - and generally you will find yourself happier because you can make better decisions about the things in your life you can actively change.

It’s a good way to be.

Casualbride · 30/04/2020 14:19

Op you’ve listed lots of things you don’t care about, but what do you care about? What are you interested in? I’ve always thought it’s quite healthy to have interests. You say you like to chat, what do you like to chat about?

justanotherneighinparadise · 30/04/2020 14:31

I did notice in the early stages of this pandemic how many of my school mum friends had no idea about what was looming as they didn’t read any news. I was the lone crazy person in many conversations 🤣. Obviously as time went on the same people started to take more notice of the news and quickly became more informed.

My thoughts on who handled it better, me -massively informed or my friends - blissfully unaware. I’m going to say my friends. They were definitely happier than me. My only caveat is that later on when schools and businesses closed I was probably less upset because I’d had my huge panic earlier.

Cambionome · 30/04/2020 14:37

You do sound as if you are somewhat lacking in empathy, op.

Cyllie33 · 30/04/2020 15:25

I think it is quite strange actually OP not to have interests or care about what is happening in the world. I follow the news because I care about others and things that impact on them as well as myself - I hope that helps me be a more well rounded individual and sometimes gives me the opportunity to help others in a way I may not have done if I never looked outside my little bubble. Likewise I hope others will help and have empathy for me if and when I need it. Your world sounds quite heartless to me tbh.

GinghamStyle · 30/04/2020 15:29

I do find it quite funny that you usually avoid other people’s opinions but have started a thread especially to get other people’s opinions.... 🤔😂