Lockdown revealing some home truths

[Cawillmay]

Posting in AIBU for traffic. I am finding lockdown really really hard. My baby is 6 months old, my older two are 6 and 8. I know I’m in a similar boat to loads of people and we’re all physically healthy so I shouldn’t complain..sorry. I’ve never had any issues with depression before but every day I’m in tears and the few hours I have at night when I’m not feeding the baby I find hard to sleep because I’m thinking about how I’m failing my kids..by not being strong, by not being a natural teacher, by getting angry, by shouting, by not being able to keep the house clean or tidy, by generally being a sh1t mum.
My husband, I think, despairs of me because while he’s working I frequently have to ask him for some sort of help mostly because I’ve got upset and need him to step in with the kids to put things right. The kids rarely listen to anything I say and are getting ruder by the day. It’s so difficult to teach them 2 sets of different work while the baby is crying or feeding which is most of the time. It’s so hard again to have any kind of routine because of the baby and I have to keep them quiet and away from my husband while he’s working. I’m so tired in the evenings I just go to bed so my husband and I haven’t been talking and I think he’s just really disappointed in me. My family live very far away and my siblings kids are much, much better behaved than mine..to the point where I don’t want to do family zoom calls because it’s embarrassing and I get upset afterwards because I feel my families judgement on my kids behaviour. Not judged in a nasty way but I think they feel sorry for me and also wonder why I don’t (can’t) impose a better routine/discipline. I know comparison is the thief of joy but it’s very tough not to with siblings kids. Baby isn’t in a daytime nap routine because that takes time to implement and I can’t leave the older two as they’d interrupt my husband.
I find myself retreating from my friends because they all seem to be doing such great things with their kids and I’m barely getting through the day. None of them have a baby so our lockdown experiences are very different I know.
I know this is a massive moan-dump and it’s a tough time for everyone but I feel so alone and not sure how I’ll get through this. I love my kids more than anything but I’m finding this so so hard.
Is anyone else in the same boat (kids ages) with any tips? Or generally any tips to get through this?

Thank you @Trying2310 for your lovely reply and massive kudos to you doing this with 4. I get the crying and losing temper..it happens me all the time. But after reading all these lovely replies which make me realise I’m not alone, I’m really going to try hard next week to let things slide, steer clear of WhatsApp groups and people who make me feel like shit, and not get upset. I like your perspective of what constitutes a good day.
@LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset I know what you’re saying re social media. I’m not on Facebook or Instagram anyway because I know how much stress they’re responsible for...I think I thought friends on WhatsApp would be more honest at a time like this. Anyway, it’s making me re-evaluate who I really know and who’s truly a friend. Thank you for your reply-I’m jealous of your chilling time but I know teenagers are bloody tough work too! Stay safe all and thanks again for your advice and words of wisdom 💐

Hi @cawillmay I’m in a similar situation with a 5yo, 4yo and 3 month old baby. It is so so hard. Some days the sun shines and everyone is happy and I just feel exhausted. Other days I’m near tears thinking I can’t do this. Unfortunately I still have to. If I get really stressed I give myself permission to just drop one thing straight away either a piece of the kids work or a healthy lunch. Or giving more screen time than usual. I’m really working on being kind to myself. I also insist on dh being around for specific pinch points like lunchtime and bedtime that I find very stressful. This is a crisis and with 3 young kids your dh should be doing more to help. If you weren’t at home his work would have to adjust. He shouldn’t be sacrificing your mental health so he can work as normal.

My children are not too badly behaved but zoom calls are a major disaster where they act up, seek attention, try to outdo each other. I get nothing out of them and avoid. You're not alone there.

I too am not a natural teacher around my kids. Except, erm, I'm a teacher by trade, so that's a bit embarrassing. It is soul destroying.

Also, you have mixed ages - this is really hard. The go-tos of park/ soft play/ play dates aren't options to you right now.

And above all, you're bound to be exhausted. Mine were terrible sleepers. It is a nightmare. I can hardly do this now WITH sleep, never mind without.
My heart goes out to you. It must be brutal some days. Your older two are still getting used to the baby, no doubt. They will be fine but it's a lot on you. I think anyone would struggle.

I retreated from my friends a bit too, for survival. Facebook was driving me round the bend, I know it's not a true depiction of life but I greatly benefited from coming off it.

I am in a different position but can sympathise. I am trying to work with a full on job and two chlidren at 8 and 12 with very different work, needs and motivation levels. Have friends who are not working who are driving me crazy with their comments about how much they are loving it etc and etc.

For the 8 year old I am doing the bare minimum. She is doing a bit of the work set by school (I am not supervising it) plus some BBC bitesize. That's it.

Sounds like you are doing a great job in trying circumstances..relax the standards. You are doing fine.

I’m really glad I found this post OP, looking on Facebook and Instagram I started to feel like the only one who is struggling. I have 3 children a hormonal 13 year old daughter and 2 boys age 2 and 4. My 4 year old is in reception. The boys don’t listen to a word I say, they are either fighting or wrecking the place and nearly every nice thing I try to do gets ruined as my 2 year old is so clingy and my 4 year old keeps losing his temper. I’m in tears every night. I try to take them out every morning which is always nice but it’s a battle to get out the door and once we get home the demands for snacks start. I feel like a glorified slave ‘the snack maker’ my husband is working from home and to be honest is a bit useless anyway lol. There’s a little bit of good in every day but most of it is just a bit s**t . Stay strong x