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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex won't return children after overnight contact - COVID issue

18 replies

Flappypants · 30/04/2020 09:27

Good morning!

I've not been on here for a while (couple of years actually) as been going through living hell with my abusive (now ex) husband who abused me causing the DC andI to end up in refuge thanks to Women's Aid and the fantastic support and advice I got on MN (I'm the one with the groping, speeding narcissist). I won't go into details but he's managed to shaft me financially (100k in legal fees) and get 50/50 eventually despite my son's health needs and so on.

Cutting to the chase...my DS (7) has a genetic condition and we had to go to London on Tuesday for a scan. DD (3) stayed with Dad and I took DS in. They routinely do swabs now for MRSA and Covid-19. Ex was trying to bully me into letting DD stay overnight and the stress was awful (it was my contact day/night and there is a CAO in place). I delivered the DC to him yesterday at 10am and one hour later had a call from virology to say that DS has Covid-19. He was asymptomatic, no problems and had the test not been done we would be none the wiser. Ex has said all day and all night that he will not return the DC. The virologist confirmed that they and paediatrics are happy for the normal arrangements to continue as both households have been exposed, and that as long as we follow stringent hygiene measures and only go from door to door there i no risk to anyone else. I also called Public Health England who emailed me with confirmation of the same so i have it in writing. I had loads of pompous, verbose and sometimes insidiously abusive and gaslighting messages all evening and I simply kept reiterating that I would expect the children at 10am today.

He has this morning texted to say that he has full parental rights and he has taken the unilateral decision to keep the DC with him as he and they have (magically and conveniently) become unwell. I have called police but they say they have no powers to enforce the court order or to make him return the DC, and that it is a matter for the court (who are only taking calls from 10am). I have said to ex that if HE is unwell I will collect the DC from his doorstep at 10am. No responses yet.

He is ignoring all the professional advice and breaching the court order. He has coercively controlled and abused me for years and even though we are now divorced he continues to attempt the control and gaslighting, telling me that I am petty, controlling, cruel and abusive all the very things he is himself. I know what he has done. He wrecked my life and I'm slowly rebuilding although everything is on ice due to lockdown. I began to see what he was doing to me thanks to the amazing people I made contact with on here and I hope that someone can help me again.

Thanks, in hope x

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 30/04/2020 09:30

You need to go to court to get it enforced

Weenurse · 30/04/2020 09:32

💐🍰

Flappypants · 30/04/2020 10:45

bump

OP posts:
bibliomania · 30/04/2020 10:57

I think court is your only option. It's excellent that you have in writing a medical opinion that this is okay.

You can't leave it or he will try to claim that the new status quo is that the DCs live mostly with him.

bibliomania · 30/04/2020 10:59

*that it's fine for the DCs to come to you.

BlackeyedSusan · 30/04/2020 10:59

hoping you can get to court to get it enforced.

FatKate · 30/04/2020 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 30/04/2020 11:01

Yes I’d ask for an emergency court hearing! Sounds like he is going to cost you even more in court fees! Are you representing yourself? Sounds like this should be an easy situation to resolve in court as you have done the base work with already having a court decide what days you each have the children x

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 30/04/2020 11:02

Another option is to let him keep the children for two weeks and then you keep them for two weeks! Don’t tell him this until you have the children back of course. Assuming you trust him to bring them back which I wouldn’t if he is ignoring the letters from drs etc x

Jokie · 30/04/2020 11:09

It sounds like the emergency court is your only way here. Do you think that the children are safe with their dad?

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 05/05/2020 19:21

@Flappypants Any news? X

Cherrysoup · 05/05/2020 19:27

Have you got your dc back? If so, you could equally refuse to allow contact and let him go to court. Super wanker, he’s such an arsehole.

Itwasntme1 · 05/05/2020 20:05

Was hoping for an update - hopefully op got the children back and it busy putting them to bed.

Skysblue · 05/05/2020 20:24

I’m so sorry, that’s awful. I think you need a lawyer.

SeriouslySoDoneIn · 05/05/2020 20:29

A lawyer is your best bet

BlueSuffragette · 05/05/2020 20:42

Hope you managed to get in touch with the lawyers or better still now have DC back home with you? Flowers

Flappypants · 09/05/2020 11:16

Hi everyone

Really sorry. I eventually got the DC back on the Monday morning after he "deemed it appropriate". He is now giving me a hard time because we were doing more frequent video calls during the two week quarantine period (which ends on Tuesday). I've suggested we revert to the court ordered system for regular calls as two or three times a day isn't reasonable, sustainable or even acceptable and as a DA situation, it is just another way for him to control and constantly be in my face.

That being said, I would never try to stop the DC from seeing or having contact with their father but the man honestly couldn't have been bothered with us at all up until the day I left him two years ago. I could regale you with delightful stories of gaslighting, financial and sexual coercion, driving at 140 mph with me andour two very young children in the car and going off pop when I broached the subject a few weeks later....MN is AWESOME and I wouldn't have had the gut to leave without the women (and men) I met on here.

We are in the process of selling the family home which is on ice during lockdown, but hopefully once we move it will be the start of a new phase and chapter. The twunt is stalling on signing documents so he's still trying to exert control and keep me on the back foot which he did for years. I watched the film Gaslight and was shocked that the tactics were so recognisable.

Anyway, I'm out, for the most part. And I'm better off and happier than I've been in years.

Thanks all xxxx

OP posts:
bibliomania · 09/05/2020 20:52

Glad you got them back! It does get better eventually. His power over you is getting weaker every day that you're out of the relationship.

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