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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does your dp/Dh not take photos of you?

58 replies

Mummypig2020 · 30/04/2020 07:26

I think I might be being emotional.

I absolutely hate how I look, no matter how much weight I lose I hate looking at myself in photos.

BUT
I have no photos of me and my Dc together that aren’t selfies.

I feel sad that he hasn’t taken photos of us doing things/having fun.

Not sure if it’s because Iv just seen a fb post to a friend from her husband saying happy birthday with all these great photos of her being a mummy that he’s clearly taken without her knowing.

OP posts:

CoronaMoaner · 30/04/2020 08:23

@DDIJ 💐
He’s wrong. Your children are wrong. Please don’t listen to them.
I hope you find someone in RL who also tells you this.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 30/04/2020 08:24

My DH has never taken a photo of me or the kids, or anyone

Only the dog

User202004 · 30/04/2020 08:24

My DH is the same so I ask him to take photos, if we are out or if one of them is asleep on me, that kind of thing. It's just not something he thinks about. I'm not interpreting that as meaning anything else!

WriteAndErase · 30/04/2020 08:26

Set your phone up on video mode next time you're doing an activity.

Then screen grab from the video after.

The bonus of this is that you can select the exact moments you like from the activity.

User202004 · 30/04/2020 08:26

And I ask him at the time rather than mention it generally and expect a change in behaviour.

worldsworststepfordwife · 30/04/2020 08:29

My husband does try but I’m massively unphotogenic I spoil 80/90% of photos I’m in so ask him to delete them

Tableclothing · 30/04/2020 08:30

It never ever occurs to mine to take photos. He used to claim that I would be better off just "living in the moment" and remembering it rather than trying to record things. On the other hand, he will take pictures when I ask him to, and he does like it when I get them made into photo books

I did have to prompt him to take a photo of me and dc together the day they were born!

In general find I tend to like the pictures more if I've done my hair and makeup that day, and seeing myself in photos helped me figure out what flattered me, and also prompted me to lose weight (I knew I'd gained a bit, but I'd kind of told myself that no one else could see it...)

I also find that while I hate recent pictures, the older ones are more acceptable. I remember feeling fat and ugly on my wedding day (10 years ago now), but looking at the pictures I can see that that belief was bollocks.

OhioOhioOhio · 30/04/2020 08:31

My xh did this. Or did not do this. Yes. Its spiteful.

Aragog · 30/04/2020 08:34

Weever we go away are somewhere nice, especially, as a family, dh often asks to take a photograph.

I hate it though and try to avoid it at all costs!

However a friend of mine lost her mum fairly young and I've heard her say a few times how important the odd photo she has if her mum with her, or her siblings or her dad are. So I do ensure I let him take one or two every so often,

Maybe your dh/dp knows how much you dislike it so doesn't ask. Perhaps have a chat and explain that you'd like photographs in certain situations, or simple hand him a phone or camera and say snap this please.

LeopardsCANTChangeTheirSpots · 30/04/2020 08:36

Haha I'm exactly the same!

I just feel that stopping to get my phone out and take a picture, I'm not able to enjoy the moment - I'm taking myself out of the moment and cataloguing it to remember it later on!

My wife always has to nudge me to take pics - and I used to be a photographer! - albeit wildlife photography, so usually I take pics of plants and animals (son included!)

I'm not a people person, hate having my pics taken and hate seeing pics of myself.

snowybean · 30/04/2020 08:37

I haven't got many, and of those I haven't got many that aren't "smile!". I always have to ask. I just don't want to ask, and I want to have moments captured without them being posed. Candid shots, if you will.

I did ask him to capture a pic of me mid-contraction and he did it without me noticing. I look terrible but he really captured the moment!

Strugglingtodomybest · 30/04/2020 08:37

I have no problem whatsoever about being in photos but my DH still doesn't take any. It's because he just doesn't take photos of anything and so it wouldn't occur to him. If I want one with me in, I ask him to take one.

I'd love some surprise photos of me and the kids, taken naturally but it will never happen. I've accepted that.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 30/04/2020 08:38

I don’t think you can have it both ways. If you don’t like how you look in photos, surely it’s a bit unreasonable to expect him to be taking photos of you all the time if he knows that? Wouldn’t that seem a bit inconsiderate of him, taking photos when he knows you don’t like being in them? A bit confusing surely?

It may be nothing to do with that though. Chances are he’s one of those people who don’t take a lot of photos of people without being actively prompted. My DP’s a bit like that, he’ll take infinite pictures of scenery and buildings when we’re out and about, but I have to say “Oi, what about one with you/us in it?” If you’d like him to take more of you, just tell him.

Yoyoallovertheshow · 30/04/2020 08:38

Mine is the same, i take loads of candid ones of him and DC. And if they're all sat or doing something together you can guarantee he'll tell me to take a picture then pretend he's unaware in the photo! Like he's not just basically staged it. Then 2 minutes later he's complaining or being grumpy about something or other.

He very, very rarely takes pictures of me with the kids, even though i spend far more time with them and his phone is never out of his hand.
He's actually been known to take pictures of the kids while i'm in the shot, but zoom in on them an cut my head off it!

Spacie · 30/04/2020 08:42

My ex never took photos of anything, so I don't think it was personal. (and we didn't have smartphones when mine were little). When we separated I expressed regret at the lack of pictures of me with the children and he actually appologised. Nearly all the photos I have of myself with my children were taken by my MIL.

Asuitablecat · 30/04/2020 08:43

Thing is, all those people whose dhs take photos, May well be standing there shouting"take a photo of me and the kids. Hang on, let me just stand right."but all you see is the apparently candid shot.

AmbitiousHalibut · 30/04/2020 08:48

I agree with asking your DH to take a few more photos, but I would also say there's every chance that your friend did know those photos were being taken - she may well have had the same conversation that you need to have! I have a few photos on social media where I'm apparently oblivious, but I know full well that I knew they were being taken and I had a quick fat check before they were posted! Don't forget everyone is usually presenting their best selves.

snowybean · 30/04/2020 08:50

I'd love some surprise photos of me and the kids, taken naturally but it will never happen. I've accepted that.

Saaaaaaaame. 😔

peoplewhoannoyyou · 30/04/2020 08:53

I think you are being a little unfair. If he knows you "hate looking at yourself in photos" then he probably thinks he is doing the right thing by not taking photos of you, that is, not doing something that he knows you will hate.

I also find it odd that someone would surreptitiously photograph another person. No matter what the motives it's kind of dodgy.

Northernsoulgirl45 · 30/04/2020 08:54

I feel the sane too but ironically he moans sbout not having any if himself with kids. Err no becsusd they are on my phone. Hr just doesn't take any of me.

welldonesquirrels · 30/04/2020 08:57

Ahaha my husband is terrible for this, although he has started taking way more since this whole pandemic kicked off. I'm a frontline worker, so I think he's a little bit in "just in case mummy dies" mode.

Llyn · 30/04/2020 09:04

I did have to prompt him to take a photo of me and dc together the day they were born!

Same. And then the ones he took were framed terribly including my blood smeared legs akimbo 🙄 I’ve got one single picture of the day DS was born, which I managed to get by zooming and cropping one of the ones he took.

puppymouse · 30/04/2020 09:04

I don't think my husband has ever taken a photo of me. Maybe one when I was fast asleep and dribbling as he thought it would be funny.

He has a pic of me in his wallet that's 20 years old and from before we met!

Ragwort · 30/04/2020 09:08

Neither of us take many photos, may be our age but taking endless photos seems to a trend when your children are young ... we have so many photos of our DS when he was much younger but hardly any now he’s 19 .

WTF0ver · 30/04/2020 09:08

No kids but my husband rarely takes photos of me or if he does he doesn't put them on FB etc. I brought it up once and he showed me some that he does have, I'm gurning like an idiot in most of them.

So I probably need to work on a winsome smile.

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