To blame my exDH for my children's rubbish eating habits?

[PAN44]

Ex and I have shared custody of 13 year old twin DCs and I don't pretend that I can influence anything about the way he parents, couldn't before we split so no chance now. Anyway, he has never been any kind of cook plus he is incredibly lazy....so on his custody days him and the DCs have pizza night, fish and chips night and apparently we now also have 'support your local small business' night which basically means getting some other kind of takeaway from a local restaurant. He also has a cupboard full of shite - snacks etc that DCs help themselves to. The DCs love it - they tell me that there's nothing at my house they want to eat (ie biscuits, chocolate, ice cream) and are forever telling me about their latest takeaway at dads and how boring I am. (Actually, skint is more accurate!) Finally, ex has also always been a really late eater which I really struggled with when we were together. But the twins seem to be going that way too. I need to eat between 5pm and 6pm, they now don't want to eat until 7pm or later...which means I either hold on starving or we eat separately. It's pissing me off that his way seems to be the way they are going Just wanted to rant really. But if IABU feel free to say!

When I'm home I eat between 5-6. When I'm on a work shift I don't eat until 10.30-11pm.

Not everyone works 9-5.

Yanbu. Could you start shopping/cooking with them to encourage interest? You might be able to sway them to healthy eating with the right encouragement. Browse recipe/cooking sites together to find things they want to try. But in the end... 13 is well old enough to know that take-aways and biscuits and ice cream are not healthy choices. They may prefer it, we all do, but it should be a treat. He's Disney-dadding their food. They are old enough to understand that.

Im amazed by all the people saying they eat at 5-6pm and its not early. I WFH but my day doesn't finish til 5.30, factor in cooking time, tidy up etc, we don't eat til at least 7. It was the same at home growing up, mum and dad worked, dinner was at 7.30. They weren't home at 5!

We eat around 6pm so I don't think it's early. Maybe have an early snack yourself so that you can eat together. If you all eat early your teens may want something else later on.

WRT diet, at 13 they're old enough to understand what a balanced diet looks like- my dc8 is well aware. As they're having lots of treat food (or whatever you want to call it) at dads I would tell them that you're going to balance that with healthy options. They'll hopefully thank you for it when your older!

What’s wrong with pizza? 😐

Also, why does it matter what time food is eaten at? Your body can’t tell the time! I often have a bowl of pasta for breakfast & cereal for dinner. Time has no impact on my food choices.

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having at stock of favourite snacks at home. Your kids are getting to an age where they will be making their own food choices - most likely at school and when out with friends. If you are very strict at home, they’ll be the kids that binge on junk when they’re out. I seen that happen so many times growing up.

We eat between 5-6. The only day I don't, normally, is Monday when I'm not home til 6.30pm but OH is and has my tea ready. He's asleep by 9pm so he doesn't really want to be eating any later!

Just get your children to start cooking.
Food they helped make is way more fun that take away, and if they can cook at home, bet they will decide to help daddy cool at his.
A roast is so easy to learn to cook, and if you show they how to tell the meat is cooked they won't have any worries.

We eat around 6pm, it's good for me too, I don't want to eat late and getting dinner out of the way by 7pm gives us time to do other things.

Chandler...quite!

5-6pm might work if you are a stay at home parent or finish work early but for the average person who finishes at 5 or 6pm and then has a commute home before making the tea it definitely is. I don't get in till 7pm when I am working so dinner is at 7.30pm as dh will make it (he is home by 6pm) or I have cooked the night before so it just needs re-heating. Our toddlers eat at 6pm.

You absolutely can blame him and should!

I eat between 5 and 6. I work full time. Finish at 4pm. Eating too late means it just sits on your stomach when you go to bed. Ugh. I'd actually rather skip tea than eat it late.

OP - I'd say pick your battles. Are they with you four nights a week? Could you say one night you must eat together at your time, one night their time, one night meet in the middle?

We eat around 8.30 pm and the kids when younger ate at 5pm and then had a supper (usually English muffins or similar).

It's just what works but if your ex has always eaten at 7pm he's not doing it to annoy you and the kids are just finding that suits them better.

Do you have to eat en masse? I usually sat with the kids if I was in and had a cup of tea and chatted/corrected table manners/ etc.

Maybe you could do that the other way round?

Your eating habits are not too early, they're about right. Everyone should be eating four hourly except at bed time, though that also used to be the norm too.
Your exDH sounds exhausting and your children will thank you for their nutritious meals when they're adults as their eating habits are hopefully likely to be like yours.
Just say "well when you're at dads, you can choose your heart attack meals and snacks. At mine, we do things differently. If you don't like it, there's always water"

Doesn’t really matter what time you finish work if you are organised and want to eat at that time (As long as you are not physically at work at 6pm obviously!). I would frequently prep things in the morning/night before/pop the slow cooker on. I used to work 7-4 (made redundant now due to covid) and we always ate/eat between 5-6pm and it is home cooked and not freezer tapas!

Another one that says 5-6 is really not early.
I don’t think YABU at all- it’s the fact that you are trying to parent and encourage good eating habits and the other parent isn’t. That’s not fair on you.

Try not to worry about it-we eat really healthy in our house and my teenager turns his nose up at every veg etc but devours a takeaway and hates it on the weekends when we don’t get one.

Continue to do what you’re doing they will soon make the connection between health when the bad food starts to affect their skin etc.
On the days you feel like getting a takeaway or chucking pizza in the oven do it.
I would also encourage them to learn a couple
Of quick and healthy recipes that they can rustle up themselves .

At 13 they should be able to make meals they like. Time to embrace fakeaways, grim word but an alright approach if you ignore that!

I’d have a frank discussion about health. They will do healthy eating in home economics at school. They are not daft and know eating crap and takeaways is not good for them. Agree menu. They can help cook It. Agree time to eat.

If you like to eat for fivish and they like to eat for seven can you compromise and eat tea at 6? Explain to them how much meal times together mean to you - alternatively have a snack at 5pm and eat together at 7 if they really don't want to eat but you want to have a meal as a family?

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do re their dad's routines with them - only feed them decent stuff at home? I agree with previous posters that if it wasn't Dad's it would be Daniel's, Emma's etc... everyone else's house always has better food.

Can you offer to get them two treats of their choice a week? Crisps and biscuits or pop and cakes? Could you get them included in making tea? They have a poor relationship with food from their father, can that be improved at your house?