To make them take me more seriously at work?

[Workplacenincompoop]

I'm in a team of 10, a subdivision of a bigger company. It has become increasingly obvious since we started working from home that I am not taken seriously, certainly by my immediate manager and even by some colleagues.

I work hard, get good results, am well-qualified, and offer ideas that later prove to be useful, even if they are pooh-poohed at the time, yet I come out of every team meeting feeling I've been clobbered over the head with a brick.

Please can anyone offer some ideas as to why I might be projecting myself as someone who can and should be dismissed? How can I present myself in a more serious light?

More information needed. Why do you feel you aren't taken seriously? Why has it become clearer since you've been WFH? How do you respond when your ideas are dismissed in meetings?

Has this just happened since you started working from home or did you feel the same when you were going to the workplace?

At the moment I think most people are just trying to survive, so they might be a little negative about new ideas.

You might have to be bluntly assertive. E.g yes John that is a good idea, before we proceed can you acknowledge I introduced it 5 minutes ago?

Exact wording should suit your natural style but you get the gist.

Is there an element of sexism or racism there? Are you in a minority group compared to the rest of the team?

Assuming not, are you speaking confidently and assertively?

I've seen examples like this where someone offers a brilliant idea in a timid manner. They then get passed over and look sad and mutter 'ok'.

The people who's ideas get listened to don't allow it to be dismissed, they challenge any naysayers, reiterate the idea and why it would bring about improvement/revenue/risk reduction..... they then set an action around exploring the idea or assign it a deadline.

How do you deliver your ideas and defend them?

Okay so to answer the questions... I only suggest small things such as how to tackle a specific issue, or introduce something to help improve service delivery. It's often met with a dismissive little laugh or a 'let's put that on the back burner for now'. I'm not very assertive or sure of my own ideas so I thought I was just making bad suggestions, but quite frequently the ideas are then implemented a few weeks later.

I'm a shrinking violet and terrified of saying the wrong thing or coming across as a fool, so I climb down IMMEDIATELY with an apology for bothering them

Frankly, saying all that it's pretty bloody obvious why some people don't respect me. I have tried to be more forthright in meetings but it's not at all in my personality and I find it exhausting.

It's more obvious now as a lot of work was done informally before but now we are having formal full-team meetings every day so I am repeatedly faced with it.

I found this book really useful and wonder if it might help you. musicmagpie.co.uk/store/products/theglasswall-sue-unerman?awaid=5792&utm_source=redbrain&utm_medium=shopping&utm_campaign=css&gclid=Cj0KCQjwy6T1BRDXARIsAIqCTXoJKCgIrDNt9X9KFryUG5L2j19Aqq9IPIlRaBORro7Ks-XYFHLNqWEaAoaoEALw_wcB&utm_source=176013&utm_medium=awin&utm_campaign=RedBrain Ltd&sc=28626&source=aw&awc=57921588183350b6c741ca6ca926f0b6ebf155050e21aa

The part that resonated in your post was that you work hard, get good results and are well qualified. There's a chapter in this book that deals with getting to the stage where that isn't enough.

Hmm. If you’re being dismissed with laughter I’d be concerned that you’re being bullied. I’ve seen this happen when a senior person bullies someone and then everyone joins in as a way of “impressing” the senior person.

Women in particular get treated like this and it’s pure sexism

If your ideas are being put on the back burner how are they later actioned? Who is suggesting at a later point that it is then taken on board.

Assertiveness training might help you project your ideas and suggestions in a way that makes it more difficult to ignore them, OP.

Men and women have very different communication styles, too, and a course aimed specifically at women would be more beneficial than a general one.

I know several women who've really benefited from this kind of training.

Of course, it's really men that need to be trained in how to listen properly to women, but we need to work with what we've got.

Id suggest reading nice girls dont get the corner office.

OP what level are you operating at. For example could your suggestions be practical but low level for your role and they are looking for more strategic contributions.
However, I agree it could be because of the different way men and women communicate.

Preparation might help you here-
Think about who the audience is and what their key motivator is. So for example if there is a finance person who you anticipate being negative, how can you show a tangible benefit to them that will get them on board?

Once you have considered who you need to gain support from in the group and how they may respond take time to formulate how you introduce your idea and what push back you may hear.

Timidly saying you have an idea is very different to asking the chair of the meeting in advance for 10 min on the agenda to present an idea that will do XY & Z to benefit the business and it is important to you to share this.

When you first present your idea explain you have given time to consider the benefits and you would appreciate the attention of the group as it is important and you know it is worthy of consideration.

When presenting you can head off negative challenges by saying things like, “I know finance will be thinking how much will this cost, let me get to that but be assured there is a good return” etc.

If you feel confident that your idea is a good one and you are prepared you might feel more able to challenge back. If people say they will look at it another time you have every right to ask why that is and state that if you haven’t been able to convey the benefits fully then ask what they need to hear in order to progress and either agree a time to come back to it or go for it then if you can.

Being assertive can be difficult but it can definitely be improved on with practice.

Thank you so much for the ideas. It's a good starting point and hopefully a way to be more assertive.

My boss is also a women, and we're in a very female-dominated environment (PR). She will often turn her nose up at ideas or even completely ignore me, only for the same ideas to be embraced when someone else suggests them. Or worse for them to be laughed off but then implemented by the team and, on a couple of very galling occasions, for my boss to have been recognised for her hard work/idea by the senior management.

OP what sort of things is the manager/boss responding better to? Eg: if she tells you “let’s put that on the back burner” then I’m guessing someone else comes up with a suggestion afterwards or the boss suggests her own solution? What sort of things are they saying or suggesting that is being well received? In your shoes I would maybe sit back a bit for the next few meetings and really concentrate on what others are doing and how it’s received. Look out for how assertive they are being, the language they use, body language if on video calls, how confident they sound/appear etc. And then once you’ve worked out who is getting all the positive responses start mirroring them.

Also- when she says “put that on the back burner” you could say “what’s putting you off that one jane?” Or “what does that one need to make it work?”

You say it’s just little things you put forward, is it because it could be seen as nit-picky?
Have you asked for feedback?

Yes I think sometimes could be nit-picky, so I'll try to avoid that.

Excellent idea Chandler as I never really get feedback as to why things aren't considered suitable at the time. At least that way she would be forced to voice her reasons so I can develop that way.

You could ask if you could go away and explore the idea further, or bounce it around with a few colleagues - that way there's a route forward towards developing it further, but it doesn't require much thought / energy from your boss. She might be willing to 'ok' exploration if she thinks it's being pushed into the long grass.

Based on your updates it sounds like bullying. You can't win if the rules are biased against you. Id be brushing up my CV and looking elsewhere.

Assertiveness.

If you make a suggestion and someone dismisses it, don't apologise! You've done nothing wrong.

Working on your confidence, projecting your ideas and your communication style would all really help here.

I would also a draft an email to your manager under the guise of asking for constructive feedback as to why your ideas don't seem to land well when you suggest them. And that this is confusing because it does seem that they have merit as you have examples of them being implemented. Then give her a table underneath of 5 key things you've suggested in the last 6 months, noting when and where you suggested it and a corresponding column noting the eventual outcome. Finish by saying that this leads you to believe that your ideas are good but that your communication needs more work, and that as your line manager her help and support with your development would be much appreciated.

It serves two purposes; firstly it puts the ball in her court about how you are treated in meetings when you can prove that your ideas aren't all that daft after all. Secondly it gets it in writing which gives you a nice piece of evidence to take to HR if this shitty behaviour continues - as you can show that you have done the right thing, asked for help and support and yet none was forthcoming.

Happens to me often OP too and i'm in a female dominated sector! I have had my managers/directors send me 'excellent examples to base my work on' that they have done - then they send me my own work! Ridic