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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel forgotten?

8 replies

Kitten9 · 29/04/2020 15:42

I'll try to keep this as short and concise as possible!

When I was 23, I moved from Australia to the UK. I kept in contact with my old school friends through Facebook, like most people would.

Five years later, I'm feeling a bit sad. My old life in Australia seems very far away and almost as though it happened to a different person. Looking at Facebook, everyone else has completely moved on with their lives and seems to have forgotten about me completely - they don't like or comment on my posts, they never message me first. If I message them, the conversation soon fizzles out. I feel like I barely know any of them anymore, and they don't know me. They are all still fairly close and seem to talk regularly, and attend each other's weddings. I feel like a complete stranger.

I don't think I've ever been contacted by an old friend out of the blue, and I would dearly love to be. I've tried to get in touch with old school friends, but again the conversation fizzles out. I do think I'm reasonably fun to talk to and I try my best to carry the conversation on, but it's clear when someone just isn't interested.

I'm in two minds. Am I being unreasonable to feel sad about being so easily forgotten? I had hoped that I had made a bit more of an impact on people's lives. I know I moved away, but I wish people still felt even the slightest bit of interest in me. It makes me feel like a bit of a 'nothing' person, if that makes sense - someone who is just completely forgettable.

I'm quite happy with my life in the UK - I'm engaged to a lovely man (although I can't see my wedding going ahead this year with COVID-19 unfortunately), I have a great job, I live in a nice apartment and we're saving for a house. Reading this over, the advice I would give myself is to stop living in the past and just move on with building my new life. And to delete Facebook!

I just can't shake this feeling of sadness about being so easily forgotten. AIBU?

OP posts:
Passthebubbly · 29/04/2020 15:48

It is so sad but I guess life does move on. New friendships are formed. It’s fantastic you are making the effort to keep in touch, I am sure you have not been forgotten. Just keep making contact and enjoy your new life here in the u.k try not to dwell on it negatively. I bet your friends are delighted to here from you just distance I guess over time makes it hard.

Kitten9 · 29/04/2020 15:51

Thank you for your kind words @Passthebubbly! You're right, life does move on and I suppose I should too. I'm sure lockdown is making me feel a bit more mopey than I usually would be!

OP posts:
Thingsthatgo · 29/04/2020 15:52

Do you go back and visit? I know it’s not very friendly, but I don’t really feel much desire to keep up a relationship with people that I’ll never or rarely see again.
I have a number of friends who have emigrated over the years. The ones who come back and visit regularly, are the ones who I make the effort with. Mostly because our relationship has a future as well as a past.

Passthebubbly · 29/04/2020 15:55

Lockdown is making everyone wobbly and we are all have more time to dwell and think about things that are close to our heart.
Keep the messaging going but the future is what matters now not the past. If friends are true they will keep in touch no matter the distance. You have so much to look forward to by the sounds of things an exciting time ahead

Kitten9 · 29/04/2020 15:56

That makes so much sense, @Thingsthatgo! I have to admit, I don't go back and visit - in fact, I've only been back once. I love what you said about a relationship having a future as well as a past, I think that's where the majority of my problem lies. Your words help the situation feel a lot less personal, so thank you!

OP posts:
Isawamagpie · 29/04/2020 16:48

110% delete Facebook. Best thing I did for my mental health was delete Facebook and leave old relationships in the past, you have a wonderful set up with a lovely man, when this is all over prehaps try getting into some clubs that interest you, or hobbies and see where that leads.
Please don't keep trying to recreate what could have been. People change and move on, and i honestly can say before the days of Facebook you wouldn't have had a clue (nor cared) about what anyone else was up too, as you genuinely wouldn't have known.

Take Facebook away and I honestly can say you'll be feeling less lonely and happier in no time.

Xx

BessMarvin · 29/04/2020 16:52

I guess a lot of friendships are geographical. As in people you see often and have shared experiences etc. There's people I really like that I just am hardly in contact with any more cos lives move on in different directions.

AbsentmindedWoman · 29/04/2020 16:57

Do you have friends you are comfortable with in the UK? Maybe you could develop friendships where you live now?

Sorry you feel forgotten, that really sucks Flowers

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