To think I'll be alone forever

[pugsandotherthings]

Maybe "feel I'll be alone forever" is the better term to use. I'm 29, I've been single for three years and I can't shake the feeling that I'm never going to meet someone.

A lot (not all) of my friends are getting married or having children - things I definitely want to do at some point - but I just feel like it isn't going to happen for me. It sounds cliche, but as I approach my thirties, I feel like my clock is ticking (even though I would never think that of someone else in my position and I know that people have kids later and later these days).

I have had serious relationships and my last one we were living together, but considering my age it almost feels like they don't count. I live in a big city, have good friends, a good job etc. and I do meet people, it just never feels like we're the right fit or I'll end up in half-relationships that just make me want to give up and hurt my self-esteem.

I had so many plans for the last year of my twenties, and I was feeling in a good place but now COVID is here it feels like a big middle finger. Maybe someone has some pearls of wisdom for me?

I was single until the age of 27. Not a single boyfriend my whole life. Met DH on an online date, got engaged, got married. Been married 6 years, two kids.

My pearl of wisdom, is that you don't need to hang around. If it's right, it's right. There's no rule that you have to date for X years before getting engaged, and then be engaged for X years, or be home owners or have lifelong jobs or anything like that. If you find the one, go for it.

The problem is that you had big plans. That was not your plan. Always remember that things are working in your favour. Right now we are in lockdown and it's restrictive and frustrating.
Once the lockdown lifts you'll be able to think clearly again.

I didn't have a 'proper' relationship til I was 30. Now I'm married and sat here with my baby

You're only 29. People meet partners at 30/40/50 even 80 all the time.

Chin up. I'm sure there will be hoards of newly single people when we leave lockdown for you to date

Chin up, we’re similar ages! Some of my friends have been single all their life’s too. It’ll happen when it happens, don’t write it off yet.

I got engaged within six months of meeting my husband. So did my best friend. We got married and got pregnant within a year. It doesn’t necessarily take a long time to find someone so long as you are looking properly (in particular you need to sort out your self esteem and not accept anyone who isn’t also looking for the same thing).

Thanks for all your kind replies. I know that my previous relationships weren't the best fit for me, and with maybe the exception of the last one did probably some long-term damage which I am working on. I've been doing therapy for the last two years but it is hard to get out of old patterns and whilst I don't think a lot of people would know, I definitely struggle with feeling like I can be loved.

It's nice to hear of you all meeting people later in life. I came from (looking back) quite a dysfunctional home and it's something that I really don't want for myself or my future children.