Is it reasonable to worry about this or am I being a control freak?

[Northernstar1234452]

Hi all
Name changed and need advice please
My DD is 13 months old, me and her father split when I was pregnant. It’s been a hard road at times but things are ok now and he is a good dad. He sees her every other weekend.
Now he’s taken up his old hobby starting in August (all being well of it complies with social distancing) which means he will be committing to do it every Saturday. I asked what would happen with DD in that case and he said either his mum, sister or friend would have our DD. I have never met his friends but I know they have seen our DD a few times and have a son of their own. I just worry as she will still be young then and they haveant spent huge amounts of time with her before just the odd coffee here and there. Also they haven’t seen her at all during lockdown I’m sure she won’t really remember them by then. I’m fine with his mum or sister having her, but the friend thing did throw me. I wouldn’t leave her with my friends even and she’s seen them a lot but I am also prone to being a worrier.
Am I overthinking this and it’s fine for them to have her if his mum or sister can’t or is it unreasonable for him do this every weekend despite it eating in to his time with DD?
I want to approach this fairly and not be a control freak as he is just as much her parent as I am.

I think if he's only seeing her eow he should want to be spending that time with her! Especially if it's Friday night to Sunday morning- when will they actually do anything together?

So he is planning to spend the one full day he gets with her doing something else? Frankly that is crap. Surely the sensible thing would be to change the contact to say Saturday evening to Monday morning. That is of course assuming he actually wants to spend time with his DD?

If I were in your position, I’d be expecting him to spend the whole weekend with her and do his hobby in the weekends he’s free, but appreciate this may not seem fair. Therefore maybe a compromise of allowing her to be babysat by grandparents or aunt in the father’s home?
Obviously there’s nothing wrong with getting babysitters to watch you child so you can have a social life, but when only seeing that child every other weekend, the contact should take priority in my opinion. Especially as she’s still a baby.

He is having your DD when he should and arranging childcare for part of that time. Nothing wrong with that.

Often on MN, posters complain when OH (usually a man) doesn't have the child during their usual contact time because they are going out or away. The usual response then is that the man should have the child and organise childcare. Here he is doing just that and you aren't happy. You have to learn to trust his judgement.

Fuck me, another mystery hobby that cannot be named.

This is fucking insane in my opinion

He gets to see her every other weekend and he wants to have her babysat for half of it. Can't you just keep her that extra day and let him see her every Sunday instead? Not that he deserves too

I would tell him to fuck off. At that age I wouldn't be letting him have her all weekend anyway - it's far too confusing for her - never mind him palming her off on anyone who'll have her. No way. I'd let him take me to court on this one.

Is it possible to move contact time to pick up after hobby till Sunday teatime?? Also I’m curious what hobby it is, is it something your child could join in when older??

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite I’m not saying I’m completely unhappy about him arranging alternative childcare. I’ve said it totally happy with him arranging his mum or sister to have her. I was anxious about him leaving her with people she hardly knows. I’ve also said he’s a great dad and we communicate well, don’t make me sound bitter and moany when it’s quite clear that isn’t the tone I’m taking.

What would be the point of friend. If sister or his mum has them shes with family shes spending valuable time but what would be the point of the friend when she could be with her mum.

I personally wouldn't agree to the friend looking after my child in these circumstances, or even family members. It's supposed to be his time with your child - all the time DD is with you he has complete personal freedom. Why on earth would he take up a hobby during his contact time? You'd be better making your own arrangements with his mum and sister to see DD if that's the way he is. Your feelings aren't irrational!

What's the point of him having her if she'll be with his friend? (His mum at least is DD's gran so that's a relationship that will hopefully develop). If he only sees her alternate weekends surely he should be making that time count?

Thing is he can't be that much of a great dad if he doesn't even spend a full day with her, or won't be when he starts his hobby again. I think you should suggest he has her Saturday evening until Sunday evening or Monday morning
If he says no then maybe you could ask exactly how often the friend will be having her. Will it just be occasionally if his mum and sister are busy? And is he planning to reintroduce these friends gradually so your daughter can get used to them.
Tbh I can't really see the point him having your daughter but that's obviously up to you and her dad.