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To have had enough of chasing my tail

3 replies

Tiredmumma89 · 29/04/2020 09:26

I've had enough today. Originally my partner said he would be nice and quiet work wise. All his office got furloughed on full pay and they decide my partner and one other could work from home. No overtime pay was allowed though. He talked about how he would be able to help abit in the day to watch the toddler so I can focus on the other for a little bit and do crafts and school work sheets.

First week everything went well. Then he suddenly started working 8.30am until 6pm. Always on the phone to the other lad. Working overtime for free because he has no choice and will drown afterwards. Now he's just saying well I've got to work. He has got to work! I don't disagree at all. But I really am drowning.

My five year old just won't tidy up. She has this way of playing that just means mess. She goes for a wee and will sneak soap into water and mix it. Or she will squeeze toothpaste onto the carpet and not tell us. Or she will change her clothes when they get mucky/wet and put them in the toybox. I tell her over and over again. We have an extension. If I'm putting washing away she will just start destroying downstairs. She will eat a snack and make a mess with crumbs. Shoove the wrapper on the floor. Refuse to remember to put it in the bin. Then she piles up blankets. Drawers pictures and never puts the lids on pens. Won't put them back in the packet. She won't put her paper in the bin. She won't pick up her cuttings. She just walks away when she has finished. She had massively improved all this behaviour but due to lockdown she's back as bad as ever. It's so upsetting as we were in a great routine with school and she was really starting to respect the house and her bedroom. Plus she was at school so there was much less mess. I love having her here but she just is always up to something. She will stick pencils in Lego and tidy hair bobbles around it. She fills bags up with allsorts of crap. I sit with her. I do crafts and school work the best I can but the mess is making everyone irritable.

Then my two year old needs constant supervision. He's a good boy really. Gets all his vehicles out. Loves watching Bing. Overall he doesn't make a huge mess but he's a dare devil so I can't leave him.

Everyday I do breakfast. I wash up. I sweep the floor for crumbs and Hoover the livng room (black carpet and it needs doing daily) put some washing on. I try and pick the toys up throughout the day when they start piling up. Then we have tea. Partner had to force himself away from the laptop to eat. Then it's baths, PJ's and the battle of bedtime. They were in a good routine before lockdown. Asleep no later than 8.30. eldest was asleep by 7.30 on school nights. Now they are not tired. I take them up. I put them in bed. The five year old keeps coming through. She's not tired. She just isn't tired either. She can't sleep until 10pm. Same with the two year old. Hyped up and not tired! I walk them every other day (yesterday two miles through a Riverside walk) yet they still are tired.

The shopping was delivered last night. My partner went for a 45 minute shower. I was trying to do a worksheet with my daughter. Then I tried to get them to have an early night. I fell asleep with them at 10pm. My partner watches family guy and fell asleep on the sofa. He unfortunately does this slot now as his snoring Is horrendous and he knows none of us can sleep through it. My five year old hates it and wakes up and tells him off lol. But I'm sick of this too. We come downstairs and he's asleep on the sofa.

This morning I came down to toys still on the floor. Crumbs on the floor. Huge box and a bag of rubbish ready to go out to the bin. The washing I put on at 8pm still in the washer. The sink was full of pots. The extension was also a mess with toys, crumbs and paper and colouring stuff everywhere.

I told my partner and eldest I'm not spending the whole day chasing my tail again. My child refused to pick her stuff up. My partner got a work call and went to work. Im sat on the sofa and I just don't see the point. I'm not lazy. I do jobs every day! I have lowered my standards. I have been calm. But why should I spend my days tidying up mess after everyone else that should be picked up by them. My DD is old enough to take toys back up and respect her pens. My partner could have a tidy up before starting work.

The house is turning Into a disgusting mess and most of it has been decorated and the furniture is all under 5 years old.

All the woodwork and walls need cleaning. But how can I do that when it's not tidy.

Ive had huge clear outs so we are not cluttered really. But the kids do have alot of stuff as kids do. Toddler plays with all his stuff but alot of it is bulky as anyone with a toddler will know.

I'm sorry to have had a rant. I just feel like I'm failing even though I do clean and tidy daily.

OP posts:
CSIblonde · 29/04/2020 18:20

I'd only have one box of toys out per child of stuff they play with regularly. Lego I'd prune right down again as it's a bugger for mess & agony to tread on. If it's not been played with in 3months it goes elsewhere for storage only then charity shop if they haven't asked for it 3months on. Rotate toys in the box , the rest of the toys , keep elsewhere, garage, spare room). If your DD is messy, she needs incentivising. Every time she tidies away at the end of the day draw or stick a star on a reward chart. 5 stars = a reward of something she loves. If that doesn't work, every time she refuses to tidy up she gets something removed like screen or TV time. Pencils etc keep up high when not in use so no drawing on walls & poking them in stuff. I'd not worry about the walls & woodwork at the moment. Prioritise the stuff that's most affecting your day to day mood. Build in me time each day just you & a cuppa, while they have scheduled 'quiet time' with cartoons or a film. And get them out daily, for a shorter stint, one long walk every other day won't make them tired.

LouiseTrees · 29/04/2020 18:32

Move all the mess into whichever room your partner is working from. I kid but in all honesty he should have helped tidy things up, at least some of it and you should talk to him about helping. He does have to work but when he stops he should have lots of time to help based on what you said above. If you have a garden let them burn off steam running around , if not maybe do a PE class/dance class indoors. If your daughter is messy maybe stop with the crafting and do other things that nurseries do like reading, language lessons or using their imagination to make a play with just a couple of dolls.

opticaldelusion · 29/04/2020 18:40

You're really struggling and I sympathise. But My five year old just won't tidy up... It's not really one of their skills I'm afraid... I think you're going to lose if you keep expecting a five year old to step up. Get your OH to do more. No one needs to shower for 45 minutes.

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