To be exhausted by DS 12 reluctance to do schoolwork

[littleblackdress04]

It’s literally draining me of all joy and energy! He has to be asked 20 times to even write a sentence, cries, does everything he can not to do it even with me sitting next to him. It’s an exhausting daily battle and I am so sick of it!
I have a job to do too but I am using all my energy getting him to do the simplest task - I really lost it with him earlier over it as I am mentally exhausted by it. He’s not coping well with lockdown and has been very emotional which I think is also puberty.
I had a meltdown yesterday as I am getting no minute to myself and am just so worn out.

Aibu? It’s so draining having to drag every bit of work out of him- he is resistant to EVERYTHING and I am close to telling him to not bother with any school work & fall behind as I can’t do this anymore

😭😭😭 mines 11 very nearly 12 lied to first week saying he had no work and finally caught up with it all last week then today lied about English Work not being set. I cried. I asked my partner why he lied to me constantly and how bad a parent I must be. Reading this you all have helped me thank you 🧡

Oh and cooking has become saving grace. You get two are loving players being and making meals. We spent most yesterday afternoon making a curry then a birthday cake.

Batmanandbobbin
My 11 year old lived about work he had done so ended up 2 weeks behind.

Leave him. Let him do it or not do it but it's down to him. You'll probably find he does more than you expect but either way it's it worth destroying your relationship over.

Money are older now but I always found the best way to get them to take more responsibility was to give it to them.

I leave dd to it....jo point with the battle. Tbh she does do the work but i too am studying for exams in 2 weeks. They will catch up.

Young teens here. I'm getting about an hour a day out of them. I added Duo Lingo, 20 mins, and try and make them read (anything!) half an hour a day. I'm shit at home ed! We're doing quite a lot of excercise though and I'm teaching them yoga, so...

I have a year 8 and am working full time... we have decided food tech can go, anything he isn't doing for option can go... joe wicks can fuck off too! He starts his options in September so I'm not forcing him to do subjects he won't continue with!

Otherwise we are up and ready to go for 9am... he's usually finished by 12/1 ish then he can please himself. To be fair he's been pretty good but I feel like we have compromised too so it's not all about what I want him to do.

He sometimes moans that no one else is doing any work and the famous 'everyone else' gets to play Xbox all night and sleep all day! I trot out my favourite well I don't care about them I only care about you!

I'm in pastoral care in sixth tho tho so have 225 16-19 year olds to motivate too and deal with their mental health issues and wellbeing.... he sees me working and prob realises he's not got it to bad maybe!

Honestly, leave him to it for a bit. Provide the framework for the day, breakfast, meals, chat about plans etc. Then get on with your own work. You can see this as modelling how to behave in a mature way. Some of it will sink in. Have a chat at the end of the day about how he got on but just fake being breezy 'oh you didn't do english, oh well perhaps you can tackle that tomorrow, give me a shout if you need me'. Basically just have really low expectations of both of you at this wierd time and anything that gets done is a bonus.

He is not in a critical year and the schools will help with all the 'catching up' when they return.

Just to add I am happy to speak to parents too in my job, sometimes I spend a lot of time listening to parents pulling their hair out! The fact they are in touch or asking about it shows they care! It's exceptional times and there is no rule book. Don't stress a out it, leave him alone and maybe have a chat in a couple of days about doing an hour of English and maths and see how it goes.

I agree with those who suggested no screen time at all until home schooling completed. Use bite size on TV then get him to follow up with bite size online with more detail. Get him to make a factfile then do quiz. We do 4 topics everyday with SN child. Always Maths and Science as his favourites but either 30 mins reading to me with follow up questions or comprehension, grammar excercise, then either history, cooking, geography, Art or PE. Your son will be upset when he goes back to school and has fallen behind his friends.

What was he like doing his homework before lockdown? Was it a struggle then too? It may be that lockdown is just too stressful for him and he is not coping. If so you need to talk to the teachers and decide how best to tackle this.

I teach secondary maths but have a 7 year old at home. I've been lucky that my school is setting work but only expecting students to do it if they can or want to. My own child is finding it hard so I've tried giving her choices or found alternatives. Twinkl is still free and bbc Bitesize has good resources that don't take long.

@littleblackdress04 You need to discuss the issue with his teachers.

I'm assuming before lockdown he may have struggled at school with learning - in which case you need to discuss what level of support you are expected to give whilst also WFH. Or the teacher may need to differentiate.

If he didn't struggle, but is now, then I would look at incentives - so no gadgets until he's done work etc.

If he is someone that struggles with learning then that really needs to be addressed.

My child is refusing to do any work set by their secondary schools but will do 3 lessons a morning from the year 7 material on the oaks national academy website. Feels much less pressured and doesn't require looking at multiple documents / websites etc that school expect. We've decided this is far better than doing nothing and fits in with two working parents much better

My nearly 12 year old has done zero school work during lockdown. She had just had a diagnosis of ASD before all this started and had been having major anxiety issues with school. We can't access most of the work anyway because we don't have WiFi (except basic phones).
However she has been doing a lot of activities on her own. Lots of sorting beads and loom bands. Re reading Pokemon manga books and going through all her Pokémon cards. Writing lots of stories. Drawing pictures.
Before we got her ASD diagnosis she had become very clingy and wasn't interested in much. Now its like She Is Back. She is the happiest she has been for ages.
I know the school work is important but it's only one part of life and really not all of it is important - if she doesn't do the project on Medieval life I don't think her future will be massively affected. Stop insisting he has to do the school work for now. School work should never be making a child so unhappy - whether in actual school or doing it at home.
Give him this rare opportunity to do his own thing.

I think I must be lucky with ds school. They have sent out 2 letters now saying not to stress about schoolwork that it is there if they want to do it but that parents should not be rowing wit their kids that the most important thing was to let your kids feel safe and loved and that whatever they have missed in schoolwork will be able to be made up. The letters stressed the importance of keeping the children relaxed as they could be feeling anxiety about the lockdown etc etc. I think honestly OP if you release yourself and son from the pressure he is not going to do nothing and giving him the space and time to discover what he loves to do for himself is something very special and will stand to him for the years ahead. Take a step back and relax and trust your son.

My 12 year old same
Has some emotional issues (to say the least ) and just puberty hormone crap too

Some days I give up and others I sit with him
We do it together for an hour
I try to not lose temper and mainly not panic

We have had some awful days. DS is 11. I think it's a mix of hormones, anxiety and a bit of laziness.
I've realised there is no point leaving him to work on his own. He is missing the social aspect of school so will come up with dramas about why he can't work because he'd rather argue than sit alone.
I also agree with a PP about the PowerPoints. Our best days have been the ones where I've quickly read over the PowerPoints with him.
We've also ditched Joe Wicks in the morning. We get more done if we go straight into working. We just to a workout later instead. Regular snacks, drinks and breaks too.

Do you have a friend family member who is a respected older teen/ early 20s who could skype him each day to review his work- change of dynamic around work avd presenting what he’s done/ planning to do next could help!