OH cheated in early days of relationship

[cplnefud]

I'm a bit confused. I have found evidence that OH was involved in at least an EA during the first six months we were together. Although it was a new relationship, we had told each other we loved each other and were exclusive. We have been together 7 years now and married for 3.

Not sure what to do. Have been feeling vague discontentment for the past year, but the relationship has been good and strong. I feel a bit all over the place.

I found the evidence in plain sight although I could be told I was snooping. Not fussed either way as I know if I mention this it'll damage things no matter how I found it.

Not sure whether to end it now, hang onto it and see if relationship picks up or just ignore? No DC yet but in the pipeline

If it were me I would need to know what he has to say for himself. Depending on what he said would help me decide weather or not to continue the relationship but to be honest I think if my trust had been shaken I would want it to end. Hope you are OK

Do you feel discontentment in a relationship that is good and strong? Maybe you should try talking to him about your feelings and findings.

I would not consider having a baby with someone who cheated when things were at their very best. God knows what they'd be like if they were struggling.

Tbh if there were no signs of anything amiss over the 7 years, I’d not get too het up about what happened in the very early stages of the relationship. If you suspect he’s still looking elsewhere that would be different but 6 months into a 7 year relationship I’d talk to him about it to clear the air but I wouldn’t set much stock by it.

If it was so old how did you stumble upon it so easily in plain sight would be my question.

I would definitely have question marks over everything. As a PP said, if he can cheat when things are at their best what happens when things take a nose dive?

Old phone left in box of random bits that has been under sink for ages. My phone is playing up and won't hold charge so was firing up the few we had in the box as a stopgap

Was it messages to a friend he had known before you? Was it arranging illicit meetings? Why have you felt discontentment for the last year. All questions that need answering and discussing with DH.

I have been with dh for 7 years and married for 4.
In your shoes he would be dumped.
And we do have a dc.
Was he keeping his options open would be my first question..
What happens if you do get pregnant..
You would never trust him.
Imo.

I’d be hurt by this but if there was no reason to suspect anything else had been going on in the subsequent 6 and half years then it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me.

I wouldn’t expect him to have the same level of commitment at 6 months to 7 years.

You do need to talk to him though and see what he has to say.

I would but divorce someone after three years of marriage, seven years of being together over this on the basis of this alone. I think that's mad, sorry. But : are you really saying that all would have been well had you not found this? Or not?