Lockdown 'glow' worn off...

[liferips]

I am a SAHM, and I took my two primary aged dc out of school 2 weeks before they closed, I have a 7 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed (eats food at meal times also obvs) and feeds often in the night as we bedshare...initially I was really enjoying the novelty of having the kids at home, I was working hard to do home Ed with them between babies naps (I lie down with baby during her naps too as she feeds throughout her naps!!). DH has been off work for 3 weeks now too and he is doing more than his fair share with housework and kids and he is lovely to be around, makes me laugh and very helpful - loved having him at home despite the money worries of him not being able to work.

I've been doing yoga every day for two weeks now and joined Davinas website, doing her workouts three times a week too when DH has baby for me/takes her out for a walk etc. Trying to eat healthily and have lost half a stone.

So WHY for the last week do I feel like I cannot stand to be around my two older dc and dh anymore? I am so moody and snappy with them now. I have stopped home Ed pretty much completely. I have no patience, I don't want to be in the lounge with them anymore (we have a small two bed plus two dogs and a cat) , the clutter the crap everywhere that we can't keep on top of.

I feel awful because I'm making DH and the kids days shit with my moods. I don't know what is going on with me or how to fix this.

I am already on 100mg sertraline for depression and this has always been more than sufficient to keep me stable.

I have had symptoms of a cold on and off for the last couple of weeks so maybe it's that.

Sorry bit of a pointless post really just needed to reach out.

We are facing a situation that we have never encountered before. It's taken the World by storm, and there seems no clear and tested way forward at present. Many thought it would be a situation that would with careful strategy in place would soon pass. It's gone on for far longer than many thought. So the novelty of being at home with our loved ones is starting to wear thin for many families. Even though we love them dearly, being with each other all day, every day with many routines altered under forced conditions is tough. If you have depression on top of this it's tougher. It's taking its toll on many people's mental health. I think it's just a case of doing what you can, and relaxing the pressure. Don't worry about the home schooling.Work with your husband to maybe set up a rota for breaks, the yoga sounds a good starting point. I hope things improve for you.

You need to stop trying to ‘homeschool’. Homeschooling involves taking children out, joining them up in clubs. It cannot be done under lockdown.

But tbh overall your issue is life’s shit right now probably making your depression worse. Most people are utterly fed up tbh which is completely reasonable.

So WHY for the last week do I feel like I cannot stand to be around my two older dc and dh anymore?

Why? Because this is a dire situation, forced on us by a life threatening virus, not a holiday.

I had this same conversation with a close friend the other day who started off with the "it'll be wonderful to have my babies close to me..." type approach at first.

We are living through a difficult and unnatural situation.

It is ok to feel sad, scared, irritated, frustrated.

It's ok to be desperate for a break from your kids and do.... doesn't change how much you love this.

And it's ok to NOT make the most of every single moment.

Relax your personal standards a bit, if your children are safe, fed and loved and if you are all muddling through together then you're winning, that's enough.

I've found that being honest with my 7 year old ds is helpful. "I'm cross because I can't get out of the house and I miss grandma so much" they'll learn from watching you struggle with and master your feelings rather than hiding them behind a fake smile.

I realise that things won't suddenly return to normal with one snap of Boris Johnson's fingers but I feel it may be helpful to many to have an "end" in sight. A defined exit strategy would give people something to aim for. At the moment I'm feeling quite depressed as I'm the sort of person who needs order and stability.