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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Providing Care for our Child during COVID19

8 replies

JackCharlie14 · 28/04/2020 11:47

Hi, I was wondering who could i contact for some advice? I am looking for advice concerning providing care for my 5 yr old child, I was made unemployed shortly before COVID19 and am unable to find work during this period, I am currently staying with my ex (who I have a reasonably good relationship) Mon to Fri- Caring for our child, providing home school, outdoor play from 8am to 10pm 5 days while my ex is WFH (earning 150k per year) and undertakes courses and other work, exercise etc in the evenings. I was also a stay at home dad for 3 years while she developed her career, I am not in receipt of rent allowance yet and pay 150 euro per week rent (from 200 Jobseekeers allowance) to my landlord at a separate address . My ex is taking €50 per week also to cover my expenses at her house (food etc)which obv leaves me with no money for anything else, I dont think this is fair ( am i being unreasonable) and when I approach her she responds with either " I am not a carer I am his Dad" or that i can stay just 3 nites and pay €30 if I like and he can watch TV for the other 2 days which she knows neither myself or her want that type of activitiy for him during this time. I think that we are in a very lucky unique position to provide great healthy care during this time and dont think its fair for me to be put under financial strain considering how much money she is earning which I did contribute to and still am facilitating? Thankyou in advance for any help or if you can direct me to someone who can advise.

OP posts:
minettechatouette · 28/04/2020 12:13

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

If you were not your DC's dad you would be paid for this care.

If you were your ex's partner you would have an equal share of the household income.

I don't think it's fair for her to expect you to provide care and pay for the privilege. You are facilitating her ability to work, contributing to the household and imho she should be subsidising your life as a member of the household.

What country are you in? Have you got an arrangement in place for your child? Is your ex your ex wife? I think you need legal advice. If you send more details about your location people might be able to advise on charities.

reasonwith · 28/04/2020 12:14

If I had a partner like you and I was earning her salary, I’d not even ask you for any expenses. Not everyone is like that though, you’re being kind enough to her to look after your child, seems like she may have forgotten that. You have written your currency in Euros, where are you based so I could get a better understanding of your situation? I know some companies in the UK are rehiring former employees to put them on the payroll as a furlough procedure but this isn’t all to common.

minettechatouette · 28/04/2020 12:15

I would think you should be entitled to child maintenance in E&W.

Embracelife · 28/04/2020 12:25

If she treating you like a nanny she needs to pay you

Cabinfever10 · 28/04/2020 12:39

Take your DC to your home on the days you look after them. Then you don't need to pay your ex

JackCharlie14 · 28/04/2020 21:32

Hi Reasonwith, I am based in Ireland!

OP posts:
JackCharlie14 · 28/04/2020 21:34

I am based in Ireland, We were never married but we lived together for the childs first 3.5 years

OP posts:
reasonwith · 29/04/2020 22:52

@JackCharlie14 I have found this in relation to what I said earlier www.citizensinformation.ie/en/social_welfare/social_welfare_payments/unemployed_people/covid19_pandemic_unemployment_payment.html where, depending on why you left your job, you could be rehired. I would advise you to contact Ireland’s Governmental benefits office to see if they could assist, depending on your situation?

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