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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not see DD

13 replies

Cluele55 · 28/04/2020 08:31

I'm starting my new job as a newly qualified nurse this week. I am a single parent and will be using my parents and possibly her dad as childcare and have considered not seeing my DD until things calm down so as not to risk her passing anything around. If I wasn't a single parent and she could stay with the same person I was living with then I wouldn't be too concerned. I seem to be getting mixed responses with some people saying I'm being a bit 'over cautious' so I am wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Will list the reasons for and again and hoping Mumsnet can help me decide!

My job is on the neonatal unit, which is generally low risk at the moment.

Testing is becoming more common.

My parents aren't a particular high risk (late 50's)

However...

Staff are going to be redeployed if needed. As newly qualified, this is unlikely to be me, however I will be working alongside nurses who may have been in direct contact.

Parents are still able to visit. Working in a hospital aside, I will still be mixing with the general public who won't have been tested.

Although this may not be the case for some of the more poorly babies, many children don't seem to be getting many symptoms, so it's entirely possible I could be working with babies who are positive but we don't know.

Although my parents aren't high risk, my dad is very prone to chest infections and does struggle to shake them off. They also often do shopping for their elderly parents.

So am I being sensible as some have said, or a bit too over the top? I just feel like it's worth doing for the time being, as even if something awful happened that had nothing to do with me, I would never forgive myself if there was any possibility I had brought it to them.

OP posts:
cittigirl · 28/04/2020 08:33

How old is your dd?

Cabinfever10 · 28/04/2020 08:42

Whilst I understand your concerns I do wonder about the long term effects on the MH of children who aren't seeing their parent/s during all of this especially with the sheer number of changes that they have had to endure already

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/04/2020 08:44

If there was a guaranteed end point to this then it may be worth considering.

There isn't. Would you be happy doing this til September?

Porcupineinwaiting · 28/04/2020 08:44

This bug can be v, v nasty. I would be very wary of passing it on to my parents if I were you. I don't know if that means you shouldn't see your dd though. Could her dad not do her childcare (all of it)? Is she old enough for school?

GrimmsFairytales · 28/04/2020 08:50

I'm assuming that DD is too young to full understand that she won't see you for months if this goes ahead. As if she were a teen you would be allowing her to stay home.

I think given what you've said about your dad's chest, and the fact they are still shopping it's not a great solution, and it would be better for you to look after her and use school / nursery childcare.

Cluele55 · 28/04/2020 09:23

Sorry, I probably should've included a bit more about DD herself!

DD is 5 and she is in reception at school. Going to school wouldn't cover all my hours, as I will be working long days/nights and not school hours.

She is generally very content with my parents as she stays here a lot when I work and they live round the corner from us.

Her dad isn't local, doesnt have a bedroom for her, and tends to be a bit of a 'Disney dad'. I have discussed it with him and said if he can arrange a bedroom for her we could look into it as he is off work (he does have a spare room in his house, he just hasn't been bothered to do anything with it Hmm) however, he has quite severe asthma and lives with his sister who has a genetic syndrome and a resulting heart condition so would also not be wise to have her switching between us.

Sorry for the drip feed. I'm not all there this morning!!

OP posts:
Porcupineinwaiting · 28/04/2020 20:52

Ok, so in your position I would send my dd to my parents and not see her in person during the "working week" but have her home at weekends. I think that's probably the best you can do in the circumstances.

Teacher12345 · 28/04/2020 20:57

I would continue to see her. I know there are risks but I think the damage caused by absent parents is more than you realise. Your daughter will need you more during these strange times not less.

negomi90 · 28/04/2020 21:01

I wouldn't. I work in paeds and neonatal. Parents wear masks, and are not coming in symptomatic. There is less risk there than in the supermarket (you know the parents, and you know if they're sick, you don't know the person behind you in the line ). They won't be coming in unwell.
You aren't on an adult covid ward full of couging people on oxygen (where the risk is higher).
You should also be wearing a mask with parents.
Go to work, change at work, before you go home put work clothes directly into a washbag (which can go in the washing machine without taking the clothes out), have work shoes and shower when you get home.
The risks to your dd will be far higher from the mental health from an indifinate seperation (there is no way this won't harm her) than the very low risk of people getting it from you.

TheCanyon · 28/04/2020 21:52

There is less risk there than in the supermarket (you know the parents, and you know if they're sick, you don't know the person behind you in the line )

Really? You can tell if an asymptomatic parent walks in to your wards and can't in a supermarket? You frankly know feck all about the parents except what they tell you.

In these circumstances I wouldn't have my dd with either her dad or grandparents, selfishly, it's just not worth it.

SquigglePigs · 28/04/2020 22:14

I can very much understand your concerns, especially with your ex and his sister being vulnerable but this it could be a year or more before there's any vaccine or treatment or anything that remotely means this is "over". Would you really not see your 5 year old for that long?

Cluele55 · 28/04/2020 23:28

Thanks everyone. I have just spoken to her dad who has agreed to have her for 2 weeks from this weekend, as I haven't started on the unit yet, but after this he will only have her back if she doesn't see me. At least this will buy me 2 weeks to make a decision.

@negomi90 thanks for your help from a staff point of view! It's really helpful. Hopefully I will have a better understanding of what's going on in my unit and if it is similar after these two weeks.

I am possibly leaning towards me staying at my parents with them on days off. When I'm here, I have my own lounge/bedroom/bathroom on the ground floor, and DDs bedroom is upstairs next to my parents, so I would be able to keep my distance but still be 'present'. But I suppose that will depend on how these first couple of weeks go. Thanks again everyone.

OP posts:
Delbelleber · 28/04/2020 23:39

My kids are isolating with their dad. I'm talking to them and video calling them. We do miss each other but the kids are being looked after so what is the problem.
Do what is right for your family.

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