So, long story short. I was with my ex for almost six years. We had some great times together and travelled the world. We did sometimes argue but I thought that was what most couples did. We decided to try for a baby and it took almost two years to conceive. During that time, I discovered be had been out with a female friend and lied to me about it and when checking his phone, I discovered messages to other women. Nothing too bad and he vowed it meant nothing and we agreed to move forward. The next month I got pregnant. We were happy and everything seemed to be going okay, except I had bad anxiety throughout my pregnancy about something going wrong. Well, when I was 7 months pregnant, he told me he didn't think he loved me anymore and we separated. He said things might be different once the baby was here. I moved back to my hometown to be with my parents but kept in regular contact with him and we agreed he would be involved in our child's life. He came to my baby shower and the birth. He spent the first week staying with us and after that would come up almost every day to see her (he lives 45 minutes away). When she was two weeks old, a friend told me she had discovered him on a dating site not long after we split. I spoke to him and he said he had done it when he was drunk and hadn't met anyone. The first couple of months after the baby was born we were getting on well. We decided to give it another go when our child was two months old. Things went well for the first month and then at the start of December, things started to change. I questioned if he wanted to be with me and he said he did. He bought me a holiday for Christmas and then on the 30th December we had an argument and he said he didn't want to be with me anymore. I was devastated and hoped we could work it out. However, a few weeks later when he was visiting our child, he was on his phone constantly and smiling at it and I just knew. I messaged him later that night and asked if he had met someone new and he said yes but it wasn't serious. He claimed he met her when we initially split in the pub and had kept her number even when we got back together. That was the end of January. Since then, my life has been hell as we have argued a lot and it feels like he is putting his new girlfriend above our child. They became official at the beginning of Feb eventhough it wasn't a week since he told me it wasn't serious. He chose to take her away for a weekend for her birthday and not to come and see our child that weekend. She also has a child and he met her child very quickly and then moved in with them at the start of lockdown temporarily. Or so I thought! Two weeks ago, I found out that he has decided to move her into the house that we used to share. They have apparently only been together since Jan yet she has introduced him to her child and they are all moving in together. We had previously agreed our child wouldn't meet anyone new for six months and now be is saying I have no choice in that matter as they are getting married. All of this makes me suspect it was going on a lot longer and while I was pregnant or had just given birth. To say I am heartbroken would be an understatement. He consumes my every waking thought and I sit crying and feeling hopeless. Since we split, he has deleted and blocked me off Facebook and all other social media. We have fallen out numerous times in the past three months and he has called me ugly, sad, pathetic, etc...I have messaged the new girl on multiple occasions, more out of anger and she doesn't seem to see my side of it. Since all of this with Coronavirus, he initially said he couldn't see our child for fear of passing it on. Then his new girlfriend showed symptoms and they had to self-isolate. Then he said he wanted to see our child. He has been to see her the last three Fridays and spent the day with her. I feel uncomfortable about this due to the current situation but I also have said I will never stop my child seeing him as I grew up without a dad. When he's here, we get on really well and a huge part of me thinks that there's hope and maybe one day he will realise he wants me. Then I remember that he has moved someone else into the house we shared for almost three years and which still has a lot of things I bought in it! Before lockdown, I had got my own house and redecorated it all and had moved in a week before lockdown began. However, as it began I decided to move back in with my parents for support. I'm really struggling though. My parents are let workers and work all day. It's great when they're home but then I have all day to sit and think, even though I try and keep busy doing jobs and entertaining my child. After my ex has visited, I get really low and on Sat I spent the whole day crying and feeling like I want to give up. I love my child more than anything but the stress and hurt I am feeling is consuming me. All I ever wanted was to be a family with someone and now he is doing that with someone else. His girlfriend's child is moving into the bedroom meant for our child and he will be spending so much more time with her than his own child. He is self-employed and not currently working so he can now only afford to see our child once a week and hadn't been able to pay any maintenance since the beginning of March. It isn't about the money though as I am fine financially. I just feel like there's no point going on. He was my everything and I loved him so much that I don't think I will ever trust anyone again or be able to love again. I still have feelings for him and would probably get back with him if he wanted that. He constantly reminds me he no longer loves me though. To add to all of this, my child is ebf and refuses a bottle. I never get more than a few minutes to myself and am woken frequently in the night. My child is now eight months old but I don't feel like it's getting easier. I'm a key worker and due back at work in 3 weeks. I'm having childcare issues and the anxiety about going back during these times is stressing me out. I haven't been anywhere with my child since lockdown began, except for two short walks. I prefer to stay in the house or garden. I do love my child but I am exhausted after not sleeping for 8 months and having to deal with all of this. I feel like my life is in limbo and has ground to a half since giving birth. I just want to end it and the other thing stopping me is not seeing my child grow up or them being raised by my ex and his new partner. I have probably missed parts out but it's quite a complicated story 😥