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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not say anything?

22 replies

Jasmin82 · 28/04/2020 00:37

A few years ago, one of my friends put together a musical. They and the team they assembled worked extremely hard and were rewarded for their efforts with a sell out premiere that the local press raved about. They've done another 3 shows since then, the last a couple of years ago.
It's not an easy show to put on, think huge one-off concert type planning. This is because some of the musicians have their own commitments away from the musical, other roles are filled by students who have since gone on to do other things. For their own part, my friend has been working on their own album for a couple of years (professional musician), so no further dates were organised also, there wasn't really anywhere else they felt they could go following 4 sell out shows each with rave reviews.
For my part, I travelled to each of the shows to lend my support. It wasn't expected of me because I live in a different country and each show was a minimum 7 hour drive each way in good traffic. I still made the commitment and it was appreciated by my friend and the team who I came to know better and came to call friends.
On Friday, a radio station in their country played a recording of the musical which had been done at the third show. Unfortunately, the quality of the recording had degraded and, so the station decided to repeat the recording on Sunday night using the audio from the DVD of the show. For their part, my friend kindly uploaded to social media a video of 2 of the tracks from the musical.
Straight away, a couple of people started commenting, asking when the musical would tour France. These people had the opportunity to go to any of the previous 4 shows, but had said they weren't interested. My friend explained that it's a difficult show to stage without going into the reasons. Immediately, they were jumped on by the same people who until now weren't interested, being asked why it would be difficult to stage the show in such and such a city, that if they took the show to this city on a Friday night, they would travel to see it.
It irks me that my friends are going to feel pressured to organise a tour of their show once life returns to some semblance of normality in their country by people who have previously called the show a "bag of shit."
I know they would love to be able to take the show to the capital city of their country, yet they were saying back in 2016 and 2 years ago that the logistics were an issue. For context, my friend has been involved in the organisation of large-scale concerts over the years. Their idea of difficult is what most people would call near impossible.
AIBU to sit on my hands and not explain to these people that when my friend says difficult, it really isn't them throwing their hands up and saying "oh it's a bit tough and I don't want to try", they are saying "it's actually near impossible to organise even a single date that everyone can do, never mind a tour."

OP posts:
cocklepicker · 28/04/2020 00:41

So you're the "friend"? Just say no

Jasmin82 · 28/04/2020 00:51

@cocklepicker No. I've just seen firsthand how much work goes into each of the shows.

OP posts:
herecomesgeralt · 28/04/2020 01:03

Just stay out of it, it isn't really your place.

WelcomeToGreenvale · 28/04/2020 01:10

Haha yes you, as their friend, shouldn't get involved.

If you're actually involved in this production then go ahead and explain. Or ignore them! Your friend doesn't seem to care, why do you?

Pointless drama that isn't even your business. You're not involved in the show, why do you care so much? They can take it to Paris or they can't. If they can't, that's no one's fault.

This really feels so pathetic. I'm sorry that your "friend's" show isn't successful, I guess? Many others suffer the same fate. It happens. There's other opportunities.

PS I think you're the friend and this is you trying to drum up support for your amateur musical, which I'm sure you'll plug in a page or two if this thread takes off

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 28/04/2020 01:13
Confused

Unless your friend is a toddler I don’t understand why you think they wouldn't be able to speak for themselves and divulge as much or as little information about their reasoning as they feel is appropriate.

cocklepicker · 28/04/2020 01:23

"Firsthand"? Yet travelled 7 hours to support them? Grin ok then.

user1473878824 · 28/04/2020 01:39

I’m glad you’re so successful, friend.

LonginesPrime · 28/04/2020 02:00

It irks me that my friends are going to feel pressured to organise a tour of their show once life returns to some semblance of normality

Why on earth would anyone stage a musical production against their will because a couple of people tell them to?

They can put on the show or not do it - it's completely up to them and none of your business.

Jasmin82 · 28/04/2020 02:06

@cocklepicker Yes, that was the minimum drive time to each location. I'd usually arrive a day or 2 before the performance I also spoke on the phone with my friend in the run up to each show and saw videos that were sent of rehearsals I didn't get to see. The first show, one musician wasn't able to turn up to rehearse at the venue until 2 days before the show due to other commitments. One where due to time commitments, the musicians would rehearse in the morning and the cast would rehearse with a recording in the afternoon.
Now, you can keep on thinking I'm my friend, which is, quite frankly flattering, but I can assure you that my musical ability is in negative equity, so it's not really flattering to my friend.
@WelcomeToGreenvale I did my share of promoting the show in the run up to each performance. I I won't be posting links to the show website. You can choose to believe it wasn't successful, I was there at each performance and saw the reception it got, I don't need to defend the success or drum up more support.
But you know, you and others who claim I am my friend, whatever makes you happy.

OP posts:
Lalala205 · 28/04/2020 02:17

Eh?

Jasmin82 · 28/04/2020 17:39

I am staying out of it @LonginesPrime and @herecomesgeralt
Just annoys me that some people refuse to go see a show and then moan when their request for a tour is met with the reply that it's a difficult show to stage and say "well if you go to such and such a place on a Friday night, I'll travel to see it."

I'd had no intention of saying anything unless I was brought into the conversation. Sorry that my little rant seems to have upset some people and had the effect of others accusing me of being someone I'm not.

OP posts:
conduitoffortune · 28/04/2020 17:47

You are extremely over invested in the minutiae of your friend's life and hobbies.

suspiciouscowboy · 28/04/2020 18:11

if I were one of the friends who had put the show together I really don't think these comments would bother me. Many people are ignorant and don't understand. I would politely respond and leave it at that without a second thought.

I know you may be annoyed but I think you need to stay out of this one, last thing you want is an online argument.

LochJessMonster · 28/04/2020 18:26

“We did 4 shows which we thoroughly enjoyed however the cast and crew are now at different places in life and so we are not looking to perform anymore.”

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 28/04/2020 18:29

Is the friend actually a romantic partner or someone you have a big crush on? Otherwise your reaction to these other people’s comments is very strange. You seem to be very offended on your “friend’s” behalf quite unnecessarily. Or are the people who have made the tour requests people you have a bit of friend tug of war with and youre trying to prove yourself the better friend?

StCharlotte · 28/04/2020 19:36

This is one of the weirdest AIBUs. And I must have seen 1000s.

Assuming I've understood correctly, for the sake of a handful of people who were rude about the show, why on earth would your friend entertain putting on a performance for them?

Surely everyone will have forgotten about it in a couple of days anyway.

Jasmin82 · 28/04/2020 19:37

@conduitoffortune my friend posted a video publicly on social media. The comments about touring the show were under that video.

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend The people making the requests for the tour are people who previously slated the show (even before the premiere). No tug of war on my part about being a better friend. No crush and no romantic involvement.

I have to say I find it amusing that people can't just say that I'm not being unreasonable to stay out of this one (which was my first instinct) and instead have to weave some bizarre narrative that says if I am not my friend I must be in a relationship with them, have a crush on them, or be trying to prove I'm a better friend. If it had been any of those options, I wouldn't be on here asking if I was doing the right thing in not saying anything.

OP posts:
ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 28/04/2020 19:41

and instead have to weave some bizarre narrative that says if I am not my friend I must be in a relationship with them, have a crush on them, or be trying to prove I'm a better friend.

It’s because your behaviour is so strange that there is clearly something else going on other than what you’ve said here.

Jasmin82 · 28/04/2020 19:54

@StCharlotte Unfortunately, the people asking about the tour won't forget about it in a couple of days. I have firsthand experience of one of them pestering me about something else a few years ago. Relentless isn't in it.

OP posts:
Jasmin82 · 28/04/2020 19:56

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend well you obviously know better than me so please tell me what that is. Or can you not accept that not everyone is like you?

OP posts:
ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 28/04/2020 20:02

I think you need to ask yourself why you’re so over invested in this OP. Not for anyone here. Just privately for yourself.

Jasmin82 · 28/04/2020 21:23

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend Maybe you can think why you need to accuse other people of being over invested in something. You seem a little over invested in wanting to know if I'm in a relationship or have a crush on my friend? Maybe take your own advice.
For argument's sake, let us say I was over invested in this. Do you honestly think I would have posted here? No, I would have jumped in and commented what I put in my OP, against all my instincts. I didn't. I was annoyed about it and made a post here to have a little rant. It was early hours of the morning, I didn't expect replies.
I got replies accusing me of being my friend, accusing me of being in a relationship with my friend or having a crush on them, accusing me of being over invested, of wanting to prove myself a better friend. Yet, I had said nothing on my friend's video, only observed the comments.

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