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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about this level of debt

80 replies

Mammabee20 · 27/04/2020 22:27

Hi! I am just wanting some advice on whether this level of debt is something to worry about or not.

I am currently on maternity with DC 2 and DH is working from home due to COVID-19 so our wages haven’t changed at all. I know we should be lucky and feel grateful about this but I am really panicking.

I have totalled all of our debt and it comes to £17500! That is not including any money we owe family from previous borrowing. We are supposed to be paying my dad back by my DH using his skills to assist with my dads business. We have promised to build and maintain it for 5 years before we start charging.

Looking at all the avenues I cannot afford to not go back to work and full time at that but our outgoings means we can only afford childcare for 2/3 days.

I have done an extensive spreadsheet on Microsoft and the only way it looks like we would be able to clear the debt quickly would be if I returned to work full time for a year and family looked after our children for free for 12 months. My whole wage would go on clearing the debt and nothing else. This Avenue is completely pointless though because it would be highly inappropriate and cheeky to ask family to ask them to look after them for free for 5 days a week with nothing in return..

I hate this I feel sick to my stomach whenever I think of money and my DH is just oblivious even though I’ve told him the figure and I’ve given him the worst case scenario figure which would be including borrowed money from his dad.

For reference our take home is about £2800 and our debts and mortgage payment together is about £1000

So my AIBU is.... am I being unreasonable to be worried about that level of debt or not?

OP posts:
ScrumptiousBears · 27/04/2020 23:08

Can you and DH put a worklife balance request in and work condensed hours say a 4 days week for example the maybe ask family for help on or two days a week?

Clambulance · 27/04/2020 23:10

I sympathise OP. We are also in debt. £2,000 on a credit card and £15,000 car loan. How much is the maximum you can pay off your debt per month?

Tdaadfb100 · 27/04/2020 23:12

If you have a mortgage, stick it on the end of that. Manageable. Low interest rate (for now) and it will take the weight off your shoulders. You don’t need the extra stress with all this other sh*te going on.

Original poster
Mammabee20 · 27/04/2020 23:13

@ECBC- we understood that the childcare costs would change, we have got one situation that might work but it depends on whether DH gets a better paying job in the meantime.

I am going to do 3 long days at work, 8-6 this should in theory pay about the same as my normal working hours. DH can work longer hours in order to get a day off every other week so we only need childcare for 2 days. My mum has a job at the local council at the moment & it is only a year contract from January this year so by the time I return to work she may be able to cover the one or two other days. The issue we don’t have a great relationship at all so I want to avoid asking her for favours as she holds them over my head as leverage for things.

This was my initial plan when it came to returning to work. I think I am just worrying that DH isn’t worrying that’s the main things. He then talks about moving or buying a new laptop or the fact that we need a second car etc etc and I’m like no no we literally cannot afford anything else

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 27/04/2020 23:14

A nanny for £700 sounds very very cheap. You’ll need to pay employers NI, holiday pay etc.

You’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to pay it off very quickly - £400 seems a lot a month for £17k too. Could you add it to the mortgage? The interest rate would likely be much better.

Original poster
Mammabee20 · 27/04/2020 23:15

@Clambulance- it’s awful isn’t it! I feel so weighed down with it all.. the worst thing is I have nothing to show for it. The debt all started with a car I bought but then I sold because we thought we could live on one car but then it has snowballed.

We are paying the absolute maximum right now.. I would hate to think what would happen if we increased our monthly payments. I am trying to chip at the debts with the money we are saving from being at home but we should have really been saving that to cover the last few months of maternity Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammabee20 · 27/04/2020 23:17

Can you add debt to your mortgage? We are due to come to the end of our 2 year fixed term so if I added an extra £17500 would that increase the term or monthly payments?

OP posts:
Lightsabre · 27/04/2020 23:20

Don't add unsecured debt to your mortgage as it is then secured and you might rack up more debt again especially if your dh isn't on board. Head over to money saving expert to the debt free wannabe board. There are some debt experts on there and some inspiring journeys. Also stepchange is another good resource.

suggestionsplease1 · 27/04/2020 23:21

Your household bills of £700/£800 seem very high when they don't include food or travel? what is that, council tax, utilities , broadband ? I think for a lot of people these bills would total maybe £300...?

Marlouse · 27/04/2020 23:24

A nanny? For 700 a month, 3 days a week? Are you sure? That sounds really cheap. Too cheap.

LittleBearPad · 27/04/2020 23:26

Yes you can add to your mortgage. It can either increase the payments or the term or both. Interest rates on mortgages are really low at the moment so it’s a good time to do it.

You do then need to change your behaviour and not build up more debt.

Frozenfan2019 · 27/04/2020 23:28

I agree with people saying get 0% but as long as you can afford your outgoings it's not the end of the world. Best thing to do is put the money all in one place (or on a couple.of interest free credit cards) look into reducing the repayments and worry about moving in a couple of years. If you aren't planning to have any other children then your income will improve as they get older and you work more hours without childcare.

Putting it on your mortgage won't help, that's just a psychological thing. It will mean you pay back more overall and it certainly won't improve your chances of moving up the property ladder.

LouHotel · 27/04/2020 23:29

OP the thing that jumps out is your talking about upsizing and the fact you’ve had another child whilst accumilating debt.

This isn’t a judgement but you will never clear your debt if you first don’t acknowledge what is causing you to live outside your means, please contact step change as a start. Why is your DH not onboard?

nowaitaminute · 27/04/2020 23:30

I think one of the first things you need to do OP is acknowledge it...which you have and that is fantastic!! NOW you need to establish how and why you got to have so much debt!Don't justify or minimize! Say it out loud or write it down! 17.5k in personal debt is a hell of a lot in my opinion! Work on paying those off first.
Make up a budget AND STICK TO IT! You need to have a motivation, a why am I doing this mantra!! That will keep you going!!
Any extra money goes to paying off you loans/credit cards! DON'T obtain any more debt! Cash flow everything. If you can't afford it...it doesn't happen!
Do you have subscriptions, bills that you can reduce??
Meal planning and portion planning is the way forward to help rein in food expenditure!!

SunflowerSeedsForever · 27/04/2020 23:35

A nanny? For 700 a month, 3 days a week? Are you sure? That sounds really cheap. Too cheap.

For the 30 hours a week you stated above over 3 days a week it is less than the national minimum wage. You are the employer and so also have to cover holiday pay, NI, pension etc.

30 hours a week an NMW for a person over 25 (and a nanny would be on more) is £8.72 an hour, so £261 a week x 52 weeks is £13,601 divided by 12 months is £1136 plus the employer costs.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 27/04/2020 23:35

We are due to come to the end of our 2 year fixed term so if I added an extra £17500 would that increase the term or monthly payments?

Well you can choose depending on age and affordability criteria.

You’ll need to have significant equity in the property though - and remember house prices are at risk of going down due to the crisis.

Plus - as others have said - it really is a bad idea to add more debt to your mortgage unless it is completely unavoidable. It puts your home at risk (right now all the holders of your debt can do is write you stinking letters, phone you up and worse case take your telly. Once you put it on the mortgage then they can take your house). And you will be paying interest on the debt for 25 years.

You really need to get your husband on board. If he is off buying laptops then you won’t get anywhere. He needs to be as scared as you and as committed to paying off the debt as you.

VanillaSpiceCandle · 27/04/2020 23:37

I think I’m just repeating but definitely don’t add this debt to your mortgage, it puts your house at risk and will cost you much more in the long run. A childminder will almost certainly be cheaper than a nanny. Finally you can’t afford to take the full year maternity, you need to get back to work as soon as the payments drop so you can begin paying it off.

I do feel bad for you as your husband doesn’t seem to understand the level of debt. Talking of moving house and buying laptops when you’re struggling is insane.

Apart from the above advice, have you anything you can sell - you have the time to list it and it’s all profit you can use to add to the next payment.

maras2 · 27/04/2020 23:42

Please don't consolidate your debts by borrowing more money especially against your house.
As some PP have suggested log on to Martin Lewis's Money Saving Expert and use the Debt Free Wannabe section.
Be prepared to list your Statement of Affairs (honestly) ie. income and out goings.
Lots of very helpful people there most of whom have been in your situation or sometimes worse.
Good luck and best wishes, Mx.

blue25 · 27/04/2020 23:49

That is a lot of debt so don’t bury your head in the sand. You have £1800 left after mortgage and debt payments though so where is all that money going?

You need to change your lifestyle and stop spending money you don’t have so you can pay off the debt.

Quartz2208 · 27/04/2020 23:53

First off I think you need to try and accept for now the money from your DH dad

Then what is the other debt from - what are your monthly outgoings etc. Do you manage money properly

talia66 · 27/04/2020 23:55

Just to give you a ray of hope. At our worse my DH and I had over £27000 in debt (not including mortgage) We now have £0. It took a while, we skimmed back our lifestyle, watched where our money was going and slogged away. So please don't feel it will be like that forever. Even if you pay off small amounts the satisfaction of the debt total going down can actually feel so good and become a mission.

expat101 · 27/04/2020 23:58

Are you able to study while at home and upskill?

Couchbettato · 28/04/2020 00:11

Have you spoken to a debt management company? My partner and I had almost 40k of debt between us and they offered us a debt management plan where they'd renegotiate with our creditors, bankruptcy or an IVA where debts would be wiped after 5 years of payments.

All somewhat affect credit history but all also help you get out of debt.

I think this amount of debt needs managing properly.

LuminousAmber · 28/04/2020 00:12

But where is your money going?

Over £1k a month is disappearing into thin air - what are you spending it on?

SonjaMorgan · 28/04/2020 00:22

No debt is ideal in my mind but it isn't the worst I have heard of. Go through your budget (previous month's outgoings would be better) and look at areas you can cut back. Without seeing a SOA I cant tell you if you are over spending. Groceries tend to be an easy category to cut significantly, transfering balances to lower interest accounts, do you have an additional car you don't need etc.