Lockdown turning me into a psycho wife

[maa1992]

Hi,

I think lockdown is finally starting to effect me, just had a massive row with DH.

Is anyone else feeling extra sensitive??

It's just me and DS6mo while DH works. I don't get a second to myself (like all of us!!) DH follows me everywhere when he's home, if I ask for ten minutes to myself he assumes I'm upset with him and keeps following me to "check I'm okay"

He texts me while he's working and it's constantly moaning, I have to reassure him constantly and I realised we don't actually have a conversation it's him moaning me and me saying "sorrry babe, not long till you're home..."

He gets plenty of time to himself, I feel abit suffocated.

His family work in healthcare in hospitals, flouting lockdown rules and drinking together. That's made me feel more angry and probably taking it out abit on him tbh. Partly because they know better and I miss my family.

Any time we have together I don't actually want to spend it with him, I just want to have a bath or read on my phone just peace - nursery rhyme free time. I feel horrible because he means well, I'm finding him that annoying I can't wait to go to bed just so I can have peace.

He came in the room eleven times in ten minutes to say things like "I've give DS prunes" "what should he wear today" "have I upset you" "look at this pic of DS hair" "the baby weights 18lbs"

I was upstairs folding washing? Just leave me be for ten minutes!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh rant over. Is anyone else feeling like this or have I just been a massive bitch to DH cos I'm a psycho??

Wow
He would annoy me too
Is he usually this clingy?

He sounds irritating at best. Tell him to take the baby out and leave you in peace. No texting.

I mean he does sound REALLY irritating! I don’t see anything in there that makes you a “psycho wife” though, what do you mean?

Was he like this pre lockdown?

He’s annoying.

This would honestly send me over the edge, I don’t think you’re being psycho at all.

Can you sit him down and explain that sometimes when you say you need time to yourself it means just that - ie don’t come over and ask silly questions or find you to tell you something that can wait?

I'd be murderous with this

Explain clearly what it is like at home with a baby- can't have a cuppa, toilet break or do anything without being interrupted.

Emphasise that the need for one hour uninterrupted is nothing to do with your love for your child or for him.

Then take your alone time while he looks after your child.

If he interrupts it, chop his fucking head off

Why is he so needy? Has he always been like this?

He really would do my head in. My DH comes upstairs occasionally to check in with me and bring me a cup of tea (I'm self-isolating with COVID-19 symptoms), but mostly he's too busy with WFH and supervising our DDs of 11 and 9.

But even under normal circumstances, he only ever checks in with me once during a working day, as he's too busy, well working.

Is this unusual behaviour on the part of your DH, or is he suffering from anxiety right now? Either way, you're really not a 'psycho wife', his behaviour is being very annoying.

He sounds so needy and annoying. He'd be under my patio 😉

Is he always like this or suffering from anxiety in lockdown?

Fuck my life, I feel murderous just reading this.

We've recently implemented a system where we do 3 hours on and 3 hours off with childcare when my husband isn't working. I'm currently on maternity leave and my husband is working from home.

Monday - Friday I look after the baby until he finishes work at 4.30. We then share baby/house duties until 7pm when the baby goes to bed. We take it in turns to settle the baby if he doesn't go to sleep straight away. After he's asleep we either spend time together or do our own thing.

Saturday - Sunday is where we're using the new 3-hour system. Someone takes the night shift which is 8pm - 8am. Then it's an alternating 3 on 3 off until the following 8pm. Often we'll be doing useful stuff like housework during our 3 hours off and we'll often spend time together as a family, but it just means you're not 'on-demand' so if you want to just do your own things then that's the time to do it.

So far I've used it to take a walk by myself, have naps, watch TV, eat food uninterrupted, have a bath with a large glass of wine, etc. I've had to enforce it a couple of times but it's worked incredibly well for us.

Perhaps it could be an idea for you? You do need to make sure you're reserving time for yourself, especially in the current situation where we're all on top of each other.

I admit if I think I’ve annoyed someone, I pester them more to check I haven’t. It’s a bit of an anxiety manifestation I think (I don’t have anxiety though) - worrying that I’ve done something wrong. Your dp might be the same. Might be worth having a nice, open, even toned conversation just to reassure him that if he thinks you’re annoyed with him, you’re probably not, you just need some space and him checking if you’re annoyed doesn’t need to happen. Maybe you could schedule in alone time - no contact during it?

Your not being psycho, that’s very needy and annoying. You need to tell him to leave you alone for a bit, also I wouldn’t reply to those needy texts during the day. It’s sapping your energy, and you need thus to look after the baby.

He is annoying and you are not a physho. I think the lockdown is placing strains and stresses on lots of marriages. Living out of each others pockets is not easy. Especially the case if you live in a a small house of flat. Personal space needs to be respected in order to get through this.

Wow OP I've just started a very similar thread (hadn't seen this sorry!).

My DH is never usually annoying but I am finding him and the kids so irritating at the moment. Honestly him just breathing near me nearly sent me into a murderous rage last night.

I'm not usually moody like this but I have been for the past week and a bit. It's crap and I feel bad!

Under the patio, you'll never be convicted, if there is even one woman on the jury👍😂

You need to be firmer with him.

Tell him that after a day with tge baby your head needs peace and he is NOT to come near you for an hour.

If he tries to break it, then you should be very unpset at him not respecting what you have asked.

It's very very selfish to not allow someone some space when the explicitly ask for it.

Spell that out to him, slowly and firmly.

I don't think you're a psycho, that would drive me batshit!

I think even the most calm person would be sent into a murderous rage by that level of neediness!! Is he usually like this?

I'd tell him very clearly how suffocated you're feeling. Tell him what life is like with the baby.

I'd also say how angry and worried you are with his family flouting the rules and making it more likely that your h will being cv into your home (if he is seeing them).

Tell him what you need: 'I just want to spend this evening by myself reading quietly. I'm going to read in bed. This doesn't mean I'm cross with you; it's what I need. I want you to listen to me and please respect what I'm asking.'

I'd also show him all the texts he sends you and ask how he feels reading them. Ask how you're supposed to respond. Say his texting is affecting your mh because he's just moaning at you and you feel under pressure to reply to him.

When our two were very small and I was a SAHM he could never understand why when he came home I tried to hand them over immediately. He just didn't get it. They're now 8 and 6 and he's WFH and homeschooling while I am out at work three days a week and he's starting to understand 😂 we had a LOT of rows in the early days when he just didn't understand why I needed space and to not be on call, if I'd just got in the bath, for example, he needed to be the one sorting out the baby who had just woken up.

He also did the "Have I upset you? What's wrong?" shit until I snarled at him that he hadn't upset me, but if he continued to follow me around while I was trying to clear my head he was going to make me more than upset so could he please just fuck off.

You are so not a psycho! How can he not understand 'Fuck off!'? Every new mum has her breaking point. You don't need a pandemic to take you there, OP. We all need personal space, all of us. And he needs to respect that. He gets his personal space. You don't. He needs it to be spelled out for him. Burying him underneath the floorboards is an alternative... a tempting alternative.
FWIW, in the early years of having babies, DH was more like this. Now he knows. He knows! He's seen my wrath!
If I don't get my 15 minutes in my lovely, bubbly Olbas bath with a book, away from all speaking, barking, and meowing creatures in the household, I will kill DH with my death stare. It's been a learning process. But we got there... after a few rows and years.

Wtf makes you think you sre a psycho?

you are not the problem here I promise you. Please stop thinking it's all somehow your fault.

Stop reassuring him, tell him that you've got enough on and this situation is what it is and maybe here for a year, so he's got to get his head around it.

You need to spell out that you wanting alone time doesn't mean that there's anything wrong. You need self care and to put you first, or you're going to resent him and burn out.

I was already a psycho wife.

Thank your lucky stars that he is out at work and you don't have to put up with his presence 24/7! He would drive me mental! Has he always been so clingy and intrusive?